Becoming Estranged from sister

[JB107]

Hi,

This is something I need advice with. I've posted on this forum before about my troubled relationship with my sister. A couple of days ago, my father called me to say my sister had suddenly decided to come home. Normally, because of my lack of a cooker, I have an evening meal with my father every night, before going home. My sister is very opinionated and easily annoyed. Within about 5 minutes of us being in the same room. together there's trouble. It's so hard to avoid a fight. I don't know I can/can't say to her. It's like walking on eggshells. I am scared of her and her aggressive nature. It's like she's so paranoid, like she constantly thinks I'm going to say or do something she doesn't like. I'm not sure if this is down to her drug addiction. Doesn't heavy cannabis use make you quite paranoid? Also she struggles with anxiety, and is constantly calling up my father saying she feels "broken" or "suicidal". Then proceeds to go to my father's house on the warpath. He spends a fortune on her, but it doesn't make her any happier. She also seems to be regressing into a stroppy teenager, and talks like has brain damage or something.

So I got out of there when things started heading south, and went back to my place. I haven't been home since, and won't go back until she is taken back to the train station tomorrow. My issue is my father can't see things from my perspective. In fact, he is angry with me at the thought of me and my sister not speaking anymore. But I don't know what else I can do? I'm really struggling with my mental health atm, for which I'm on medication etc. She seems to really resent me, and I have no idea why, I just know I'm better off without her in my life. And woe betide her if she ever comes knocking on my door because this is my sanctum, which will not be violated by the presence of anyone who I do not want here.

I've been struggling with my mental health over the last couple of days, so any analysis or advice for my situation is much appreciated. I don't really have anyone I can talk to about these matters.

 

[Lady Wolfshead]

Hi,

This is something I need advice with. I've posted on this forum before about my troubled relationship with my sister. A couple of days ago, my father called me to say my sister had suddenly decided to come home. Normally, because of my lack of a cooker, I have an evening meal with my father every night, before going home. My sister is very opinionated and easily annoyed. Within about 5 minutes of us being in the same room. together there's trouble. It's so hard to avoid a fight. I don't know I can/can't say to her. It's like walking on eggshells. I am scared of her and her aggressive nature. It's like she's so paranoid, like she constantly thinks I'm going to say or do something she doesn't like. I'm not sure if this is down to her drug addiction. Doesn't heavy cannabis use make you quite paranoid? Also she struggles with anxiety, and is constantly calling up my father saying she feels "broken" or "suicidal". Then proceeds to go to my father's house on the warpath. He spends a fortune on her, but it doesn't make her any happier. She also seems to be regressing into a stroppy teenager, and talks like has brain damage or something.

So I got out of there when things started heading south, and went back to my place. I haven't been home since, and won't go back until she is taken back to the train station tomorrow. My issue is my father can't see things from my perspective. In fact, he is angry with me at the thought of me and my sister not speaking anymore. But I don't know what else I can do? I'm really struggling with my mental health atm, for which I'm on medication etc. She seems to really resent me, and I have no idea why, I just know I'm better off without her in my life. And woe betide her if she ever comes knocking on my door because this is my sanctum, which will not be violated by the presence of anyone who I do not want here.

I've been struggling with my mental health over the last couple of days, so any analysis or advice for my situation is much appreciated. I don't really have anyone I can talk to about these matters.

My heart goes out to you. My best friend's sister is addicted to alcohol and cannabis and her parents have literally spent hundreds of thousands of dollars on rehab and supporting her. My friend finally cut her off. It's heartbreaking to have to be estranged from a family member but you do have the right to protect your own mental health. Your father doesn't have the right to demand that you associate with her. Some people are just users and abusers. You can always say that you will be there for her if she ever decides to go clean.

 

[Atreides]

I agree with everything Wolfshead said. I also want to say that not everyone is going to see your perspective. But that doesn't mean you're wrong. Our parents may love us, but that doesn't mean they always know what's best for us 100% of the time. They are human beings after all. It sucks that you have to cut your sister out, but we have to do what we must for our mental health.

 

[Livelife]

I'm glad to hear you are taking care of yourself. And feeling able to share about what's happening. Drugs stop and alter emotional and mental development and can make behavior totally self centered and abusive to others as is your experience of her. Just keep yourself away from her as you are, it's all you can do at this time.

 

[LumberJack]

[QUOTE="JB107, post: 2362787, member: 56934" Doesn't heavy cannabis use make you quite paranoid? [/QUOTE]

Unequivocally yes, high doses of thc over a long time will induce paranoia. However, when I was a heavy stoner, I didn’t have the perspective to see it in myself. I thought I was fine, if a little depressed. So likely your sister is paranoid from the cannabis, but will deny this if confronted directly. It took me a few months of sobriety before I realized what the weed was doing to me mentally and emotionally.

 

[alice202]

Within about 5 minutes of us being in the same room. together there's trouble. It's so hard to avoid a fight. I don't know I can/can't say to her. It's like walking on eggshells. I am scared of her and her aggressive nature. It's like she's so paranoid, like she constantly thinks I'm going to say or do something she doesn't like.

JB I am estranged from both my sister and brother, though I am probably quite a bit older than you. My sister is a very angry person and she holds grudges forever. She's toxic to everyone. I don't want to be around her any more.

Just because you are estranged now doesn't mean you will be forever. Sometimes the distance gives both parties a chance to see things from a clearer perspective. Sometimes not. I know it is painful to parents to see their children estranged. My mother begged my siblings to make peace with me but they would not. Now she's gone. And I don't really care any more.

Take care of yourself, and put your own needs first. Hopefully the day will come when you can find peace.

Alice