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Being alone

DamCore

Life is a Gamble
#1
When I think back at my life, I realize that I was, for the most time, truly alone. My parents aren't divorced or anything. But, my father leaves the house at 7 am and comes back around 7 pm. (He works in another city).

My mother tried her best, but was never truly there. Especially in the last few years. But my main problem is my relationship between others and me. I'm 19 and never had a relationship. I was never even close. Never kissed, still virgin, god dammit I never even held the hand of a woman. To be honest with you, I don't know why. The usual kind of response I get is always "just be yourself" or some crap. And at this point, I hate all of that advise. I can hold a relationship up, I had a friend who had one GF after the other, and most of the time, I was sitting at home, texting him, texting her and was just trying to get them back together. (What worked most of the time).

He was that kind of guy, that I've only met two times now in my life. He wasn't an ass, he was, in fact, more of a nice guy. And every girl fell for him. Maybe it were his looks, maybe something else. I don't know. But we literally sat at a bus stop one day, and a random girl, that neither of us ever saw came towards him, and gave him her number. He had to snap with a finger, and he would get all the ladies.

I've met another one of that kind a couple of days ago. He didn't even looked that great. Pretty average with tendencies towards the "Typical gamer" cliche. Uncleaned hair, pretty thin, and shy. He talked to nobody, and still, all the girls wanted him.

And those two are the top examples for me, of how women think. And in my opinion, every person is determined for their life with "is attractive" or "is not attractive" from the start of their life. Maybe it's like a coin toss. One side is "He/She is lucky, and will get all of the love in this world" and the other side is "He/She's alone. No matter what he/she does, nobody will love him/her"

And if you say now "I bet you just never go out and talk to people!", well I've got to say, yes I go out rarely. But still. I have approached around 50 different girls now (I FUCKING COUNTED), and was never lucky. Not even once. I've tried the slow approach, the fast approach, being the good guy, being the bad boy, the party man, the shy gamer, EVERYTHING. Nothing works. I bet you 50€, that if you can name me one thing that you believe I never tried, that I did it.

At this point, I've simply given up. When I turn 21, I'll get myself an Escort (It's a prostitute that makes home visits, and is most of the time around 21 - 29) to not die a virgin, and live my life from that point on out. I simply don't want to put all of my courage together to approach someone, just to have it crushed immediately or a few days after.
 

Were all together

Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#2
Hi Damcore,
What your experiencing isn't happening just to you. There are hundreds in your same position. 19, 20, 21, etc. That have never been in a relationship. Or, even experienced love. That's not to say, it never will happen. I've heard and found that "you don't find love. Love finds you". It seems the harder you try, the difficult it is. And, you know. It's true. It's not anything you're doing. You just have it set in your mind, you cant find anyone. Therefore, you unconsciously project that to others. If that makes any sense to you. Next time you're out. Don't worry about picking up a girl. Just have fun. Dont worry about anything. Girls have a way of reading a man. I think you'll be surprised of the results. Remember to give it time also. Things don't come about quickly.
 

MrB79

Well-Known Member
#3
When I think back at my life, I realize that I was, for the most time, truly alone. My parents aren't divorced or anything. But, my father leaves the house at 7 am and comes back around 7 pm. (He works in another city).

My mother tried her best, but was never truly there. Especially in the last few years. But my main problem is my relationship between others and me. I'm 19 and never had a relationship. I was never even close. Never kissed, still virgin, god dammit I never even held the hand of a woman. To be honest with you, I don't know why. The usual kind of response I get is always "just be yourself" or some crap. And at this point, I hate all of that advise. I can hold a relationship up, I had a friend who had one GF after the other, and most of the time, I was sitting at home, texting him, texting her and was just trying to get them back together. (What worked most of the time).

He was that kind of guy, that I've only met two times now in my life. He wasn't an ass, he was, in fact, more of a nice guy. And every girl fell for him. Maybe it were his looks, maybe something else. I don't know. But we literally sat at a bus stop one day, and a random girl, that neither of us ever saw came towards him, and gave him her number. He had to snap with a finger, and he would get all the ladies.

I've met another one of that kind a couple of days ago. He didn't even looked that great. Pretty average with tendencies towards the "Typical gamer" cliche. Uncleaned hair, pretty thin, and shy. He talked to nobody, and still, all the girls wanted him.

And those two are the top examples for me, of how women think. And in my opinion, every person is determined for their life with "is attractive" or "is not attractive" from the start of their life. Maybe it's like a coin toss. One side is "He/She is lucky, and will get all of the love in this world" and the other side is "He/She's alone. No matter what he/she does, nobody will love him/her"

And if you say now "I bet you just never go out and talk to people!", well I've got to say, yes I go out rarely. But still. I have approached around 50 different girls now (I FUCKING COUNTED), and was never lucky. Not even once. I've tried the slow approach, the fast approach, being the good guy, being the bad boy, the party man, the shy gamer, EVERYTHING. Nothing works. I bet you 50€, that if you can name me one thing that you believe I never tried, that I did it.

At this point, I've simply given up. When I turn 21, I'll get myself an Escort (It's a prostitute that makes home visits, and is most of the time around 21 - 29) to not die a virgin, and live my life from that point on out. I simply don't want to put all of my courage together to approach someone, just to have it crushed immediately or a few days after.
Hey Damcore,

Relationships..any type of relationship..can be hard work. And just because some people have one does not mean it is happy or healthy.

What I've discovered is that you really do need to be content within yourself (yeah, it sounds like rhetoric, but it's true). I've been single for a while, and and quit older than you. Just keep doing what makes you happy, the the possibility of finding someone may present itself.

You got lots of time. Keep the faith. Perhaps get you of the house, find something that peaks your interest.
 

Freyja

Not staff. Freyja with a j.
SF Supporter
#4
Hello :)
Finding love is not easy. Most people don't find it before their twenties, it is all mostly experience and delusions. It seems like they do, but statistically it's really not the case...
The thing with your attempts is that you're trying to be someone as if every girl was the same. You're not supposed to be someone just to get the girl, otherwise it will never pay off in the end, cause it simply isn't you.
Everyone deserves love and everyone who wants it finds it someday. Take care of yourself, that's the most important in the meantime.
*love and hugs*
 

1964dodge

Has a frog in the family
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#5
finding girls or boys comes down to your personality, some women hold looks important but most don't. most women (which was stated earlier) want a person who is comfortable with themselves, respectful towards women, and willing to grow and compromise in a relationship. women have good noses so they can sniff out phonys or people that just want what's best for themselves. if you are yourself and are confident women can sense this. it's ok to be a little witty etc. but don't be something you're not trying to please a woman, a woman wants the real you, happy hunting I do hope the right woman meets you it sounds like you have a lot to offer a woman
 

Xavier00

Well-Known Member
#6
When people give you advice about relationships or sex they never tell the truth. Suddenly they get moral and they only say what they feel like they should say.

I'll tell you the truth- people are shallow about relationships. They want someone good looking with money and an exciting life. The hard part is figuring which of those they want more. Men and women want each of those differently.

It gets more complicated- depending on their age and background the percentages of which of those they want more changes. When you're younger looks mean much more. As you get older money and stability is more important.

The trick is make yourself as valuable as you can- work hard, get in good shape and learn to carry a conversation. Read books and travel. Make someone want to be with you. The trick is making them want to be with you more than you want to be with them.
 

Freyja

Not staff. Freyja with a j.
SF Supporter
#7
The trick is make yourself as valuable as you can
Yes, in the end that's all that matters... But it is different for everybody. Most people do seek the good looking and stable one because it's "safer" (huge majority of people seek stability and safety, it's about survival in our society and it's the harsh truth), but for the rest, they want something that you can provide and nobody else can... An exciting life is very general, but that's what works for most people. It's not always about being shallow, but about safety first, and then about "some interest" or some personality trait. It can be books, travel, kindness... and millions of other things, those are just the most common and most available.
However, most people even without the safety card do find love someday, I see it all the time around me. It's just easier if you have it.
 

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