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BPD and DD

Dinolaur

Human by day, Dino by night
SF Pro
#1
Hi all,
So today, I’ve been doing some research on mental health disorders and what I could possibly have.
There’s certain aspects of my personality and what I go through daily reconcile with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and Delusional Disorder (DD) it’s been very prominent with me the last few years at how I am towards my partner when it comes to him talking to other women or liking their photos or commenting. My mind goes straight to “his unfaithful” “what’s he doing behind my back” “has he got her number” Blah blah blah, you get the drift.
It literally comes out of nowhere, I’ll be fine sitting there doing my diamond painting and all of a sudden I get an overwhelming urge to check Instagram to see what he’s been up to, I can’t stop it.
Part of me thinks that sooner or later he’ll leave because it’s so draining. It’s such hard work for him to keep explaining to me that nothing is happening with anyone else, that he literally goes to work and comes home, which is true! But it’s his phone. I can’t get it out of my head no matter what I try to do to change it, I know I need to go to the doctors and get these diagnosed. I guess I do have sudden changes between being happy and sad. I’m not even sure why he’s with me anymore. I believe his not happy, and why would he be with me? I’m a mess, mentally and physically, maybe I’m better off alone. 74952042-9FAF-4B54-92FA-E0F36E457F58.jpeg 93F14900-6FC5-406F-A1AD-73BD9033D3E1.jpeg
 

Auri

🎸🎼Metal Star🎼🎸
Safety & Support
SF Supporter
#2
Hi Lauren. I've never heard of the delusional disorder, but I'm sorry you're struggling so much with jealousy in general. I understand that it must be difficult for Dan too and doesn't help the relationship.

It sounds like you know that you have no reason to believe he could be unfaithful and you think it has to do with your own insecurities. I might be wrong, that's just what I'm getting from what you wrote. :)

I don't know how much you and him communicate, but there is never enough communication in any couple, so I hope you've both openly talked about this. *hug

In any case, I think these things, no matter to what "disorder" they could be related (and it doesn't necessarily matter), are typically best treated with some kind of therapy, to understand where your beliefs/paranoia come from and how to overcome the thoughts. Perhaps even couples therapy if you prefer?

I hope you can get help for this. *hug
 

Dinolaur

Human by day, Dino by night
SF Pro
#3
Hi Lauren. I've never heard of the delusional disorder, but I'm sorry you're struggling so much with jealousy in general. I understand that it must be difficult for Dan too and doesn't help the relationship.

It sounds like you know that you have no reason to believe he could be unfaithful and you think it has to do with your own insecurities. I might be wrong, that's just what I'm getting from what you wrote. :)

I don't know how much you and him communicate, but there is never enough communication in any couple, so I hope you've both openly talked about this. *hug

In any case, I think these things, no matter to what "disorder" they could be related (and it doesn't necessarily matter), are typically best treated with some kind of therapy, to understand where your beliefs/paranoia come from and how to overcome the thoughts. Perhaps even couples therapy if you prefer?

I hope you can get help for this. *hug
Hey auri.
I hadn’t heard of it either until I started googling and researching. It describes me perfectly. I hate feeling like this all the time. I hate causing arguments because of it. I hate the fact that today is Valentine’s Day and I’m laying here crying in bed because I don’t feel like he loves me. Literally last minute “flowers” (actually a plant) hasn’t put me anywhere on his social media I feel totally and utterly unloved, which we’ve spoken about. But I still feel no different. I feel like my life needs to end because I am not a good person and I don’t deserve anything of anyone and certainly not love. I deserve to be punished for the rest of my life. I deserve to be heartbroken and ugly. I can’t wait for things to end for me.
 

Auri

🎸🎼Metal Star🎼🎸
Safety & Support
SF Supporter
#4
Hey auri.
I hadn’t heard of it either until I started googling and researching. It describes me perfectly. I hate feeling like this all the time. I hate causing arguments because of it. I hate the fact that today is Valentine’s Day and I’m laying here crying in bed because I don’t feel like he loves me. Literally last minute “flowers” (actually a plant) hasn’t put me anywhere on his social media I feel totally and utterly unloved, which we’ve spoken about. But I still feel no different. I feel like my life needs to end because I am not a good person and I don’t deserve anything of anyone and certainly not love. I deserve to be punished for the rest of my life. I deserve to be heartbroken and ugly. I can’t wait for things to end for me.
What things could he do that would make you feel loved by him? If it's showing you on social media, that could be an issue as it involves him doing something that could make him very uncomfortable. Not everyone likes to share their private life there, and sometimes the more important something/someone is, the more secret we'd like to keep it - I am 100% like that. Either way, it's good to discuss what he can do to show his affection for you.

However, the undeserving part is more concerning to me. Why would YOU not deserve being loved? What have you done? Don't you genuinely love him (and others) as well?
 

Dinolaur

Human by day, Dino by night
SF Pro
#5
What things could he do that would make you feel loved by him? If it's showing you on social media, that could be an issue as it involves him doing something that could make him very uncomfortable. Not everyone likes to share their private life there, and sometimes the more important something/someone is, the more secret we'd like to keep it - I am 100% like that. Either way, it's good to discuss what he can do to show his affection for you.

However, the undeserving part is more concerning to me. Why would YOU not deserve being loved? What have you done? Don't you genuinely love him (and others) as well?
Im just not worthy of anything anymore. I don’t deserve to be here or be loved by anyone.
 

Jayjay289

Jay Jay from the UK
Staff Alumni
#6
Hi Lauren I suffer with BPD, i was diagnosed back in 2011 and I am on very good meds that keep me stable, I think first and foremost you need to make an appointment to see your GP and talk to him about options, secondly I think maybe you need to sit down and talk to dan and tell him how your feeling and the trust issues that your having! BPD is a very complex MH to have with many different spectrums and degree's. I think you may have trust issues more then MH from the way you described what your going through.

You need to think about what is triggering these thoughts that you are having and I am sorry to say Google is not a doctor!! if i had googled every symptom I have/had id be dead about 50 years years ago and I am only 41!!

I think you need to talk more and discuss what is happening in your head!! Relationships are hard work and it takes work! you need to BOTH be ablew to comminicate with each other!!!

So what if he likes a female status or picture?? do you do the same on facebook or instagram?? be honest!!! I am sure you do!!

just because he or you likes a status or a picture dont mean either of you are cheating!!! does dan know you use this site?? does dan know you talk to males on this site??

it works both ways!!!
 

Butterfly

Sim Addict
Safety & Support
SF Author
SF Supporter
#7
I'm not a doctor but I don't think this is delusional disorder. A delusion is something that you believe is 100% true and I think deep down you know that your other half loves you otherwise he wouldn't be with you. Delusional disorder is quite rare. I saw someone with delusional disorder in hospital and she was completely out of touch with reality.

I think what you're describing is abandonment issues related to BPD. See your GP and get a referral to a psychiatrist.
 

Dinolaur

Human by day, Dino by night
SF Pro
#8
Hi Lauren I suffer with BPD, i was diagnosed back in 2011 and I am on very good meds that keep me stable, I think first and foremost you need to make an appointment to see your GP and talk to him about options, secondly I think maybe you need to sit down and talk to dan and tell him how your feeling and the trust issues that your having! BPD is a very complex MH to have with many different spectrums and degree's. I think you may have trust issues more then MH from the way you described what your going through.

You need to think about what is triggering these thoughts that you are having and I am sorry to say Google is not a doctor!! if i had googled every symptom I have/had id be dead about 50 years years ago and I am only 41!!

I think you need to talk more and discuss what is happening in your head!! Relationships are hard work and it takes work! you need to BOTH be ablew to comminicate with each other!!!

So what if he likes a female status or picture?? do you do the same on facebook or instagram?? be honest!!! I am sure you do!!

just because he or you likes a status or a picture dont mean either of you are cheating!!! does dan know you use this site?? does dan know you talk to males on this site??

it works both ways!!!
Thanks for your input Jay.
I am planning on calling the doctors today but I know it’s gonna be busy right now and no point calling just yet. Secondly, I have spoke to him, copious times. I know I have trust issues, don’t get me wrong, I don’t need to be told that.

No he doesn’t know I use this site coz he doesn’t need to know that I’m suffering that much that I’m on a site like this. He knows I suffer and he tries to help where he can, but he suffers too. So I try not to pressure him, but I give it months and explode over something ridiculous. Yeah relationships are hard. Really bloody hard. Especially when you feel like your significant other is being unfaithful but probably isnt, it’s just your irrational thoughts putting that idea in your head. Daily. It’s something I struggle with continually and I hate it, I hate being a paranoid, jealous, person, but it just never changes no matter how hard I try to change it or distract myself. It matters to me when he’s liking girls photos that are 100% better than me.
 

Dinolaur

Human by day, Dino by night
SF Pro
#9
I'm not a doctor but I don't think this is delusional disorder. A delusion is something that you believe is 100% true and I think deep down you know that your other half loves you otherwise he wouldn't be with you. Delusional disorder is quite rare. I saw someone with delusional disorder in hospital and she was completely out of touch with reality.

I think what you're describing is abandonment issues related to BPD. See your GP and get a referral to a psychiatrist.
Thanks lexi, I mean from what I read there’s 2 different types, but ultimately I don’t know. I am a jealous person and my brain makes these scenarios up in my head, even if he goes out I believe he’s meeting up with another woman etc, if he doesn’t reply to my texts or answer his phone I’m completely at my wits end. I’m the moment I will 200% believe he’s with someone else. It’s all I think about, I cannot concentrate on anything else until he’s home. But maybe you’re right, maybe it is abandonment issues. Probably stems from my mum cheating on my dad, then my dad asking me if I’d like to live with him or my mum, so I chose my dad, because he was willing to give up everything for us, he even left his job to look after us, but my mum, she wouldn’t do anything to keep us. They did get back together, my dad forgave her, and things have been fine ever since, but I think that’s when my issues stem from :/ sorry for loading onto you. I’m really sorry
 

Jayjay289

Jay Jay from the UK
Staff Alumni
#10
Thanks for your input Jay.
I am planning on calling the doctors today but I know it’s gonna be busy right now and no point calling just yet. Secondly, I have spoke to him, copious times. I know I have trust issues, don’t get me wrong, I don’t need to be told that.

No he doesn’t know I use this site coz he doesn’t need to know that I’m suffering that much that I’m on a site like this. He knows I suffer and he tries to help where he can, but he suffers too. So I try not to pressure him, but I give it months and explode over something ridiculous. Yeah relationships are hard. Really bloody hard. Especially when you feel like your significant other is being unfaithful but probably isnt, it’s just your irrational thoughts putting that idea in your head. Daily. It’s something I struggle with continually and I hate it, I hate being a paranoid, jealous, person, but it just never changes no matter how hard I try to change it or distract myself. It matters to me when he’s liking girls photos that are 100% better than me.
The key to any relationship is communication openess and most of all honesty!!

why do you think he is being dis-honest towards you??

why do you feel that you cant tell him you use a website to help you with your daily battle?? why will that put to much pressure on him?
 

Dinolaur

Human by day, Dino by night
SF Pro
#11
The key to any relationship is communication openess and most of all honesty!!

why do you think he is being dis-honest towards you??

why do you feel that you cant tell him you use a website to help you with your daily battle?? why will that put to much pressure on him?
Yeah I know what the keys are.
Because he’s been dishonest before? He can’t leave his phone alone, he literally takes his phone everywhere. He cannot go anywhere without it. That’s why. I’m not being unfaithful, I’m not even lying, I’m just not telling him that I use this site because he’ll wanna know the ins and outs of everything. He doesn’t need to know about it. It’s that simple. I’m pretty sure he keeps things from me. What’s the difference? I didn’t say me using this site would put him under more pressure I said me telling him constantly that I’m down or low will put more pressure on him to be okay when he’s dealing with his own stuff.
 

Butterfly

Sim Addict
Safety & Support
SF Author
SF Supporter
#12
Thanks lexi, I mean from what I read there’s 2 different types, but ultimately I don’t know. I am a jealous person and my brain makes these scenarios up in my head, even if he goes out I believe he’s meeting up with another woman etc, if he doesn’t reply to my texts or answer his phone I’m completely at my wits end. I’m the moment I will 200% believe he’s with someone else. It’s all I think about, I cannot concentrate on anything else until he’s home. But maybe you’re right, maybe it is abandonment issues. Probably stems from my mum cheating on my dad, then my dad asking me if I’d like to live with him or my mum, so I chose my dad, because he was willing to give up everything for us, he even left his job to look after us, but my mum, she wouldn’t do anything to keep us. They did get back together, my dad forgave her, and things have been fine ever since, but I think that’s when my issues stem from :/ sorry for loading onto you. I’m really sorry
You don't need to be sorry. That's what we're here for.
 

Auri

🎸🎼Metal Star🎼🎸
Safety & Support
SF Supporter
#13
Hey Lauren. *hug May I suggest you perhaps drop a message in the support thread for BPD people? Of course I'm not diagnosing either, but your symptoms and beliefs do sound quite familiar.

When googling jealousy I've also found a bunch of other disorders I had never heard of, so ultimately it's best to ask your psychiatrist to help you with a proper diagnosis, but as this may take a long time, I know that the people in this thread have a very good understanding of BPD symptoms, are very caring and could help you with the jealousy.

Know that it is not a life sentence though, it can be improved, Lauren. *hug
 

Aurelia

Over a low sun, undo the undone.
#14
Jealousy is common in Borderlines, without the DD part. It's possible you may be interpreting the symptoms of DD in the wrong way (I know, a lot of these disorders are very similar in nature with similar symptoms--it's easy to confuse any one of them with another).

Here's some more information off of Medscape that may help you understand DD better.
________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Delusional disorder is an illness characterized by at least 1 month of delusions but no other psychotic symptoms, according to the American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-5). [1] Delusions are false beliefs based on incorrect inference about external reality that persist despite the evidence to the contrary; these beliefs are not ordinarily accepted by other members of the person's culture or subculture. Delusions can be characterized as persecutory (i.e., belief that one is going to be harmed by an individual, organization or group), referential (i.e., belief that gestures, comments, or environmental cues are directed at oneself), grandiose (i.e., belief that the individual has exceptional abilities, wealth, or fame), erotomanic (i.e., a false belief that another individual is in love with him/her), nihilistic (i.e., a conviction that a major catastrophe will occur), or somatic (i.e., beliefs focused on bodily function or sensation). Because cognitive organization and reality testing are otherwise intact in delusional disorder, it has been described in the literature as "partial psychosis." [2]

Delusions that express a loss of control over mind or body are generally considered to be bizarre and include belief that one’s thoughts have been removed by an outside force, that alien thoughts have been put into one’s mind, or that one’s body or actions are being acted on or manipulated by an outside force. [1]

Making a distinction between a delusion and an overvalued idea is important, the latter representing an unreasonable belief that is not firmly held. [1] Additionally, personal beliefs should be evaluated with great respect to complexity of cultural and religious differences; some cultures have widely accepted beliefs that may be considered delusional in other cultures.

Unfortunately, patients with delusional disorder do not have good insight into their pathological experiences. Interestingly, despite significant delusions, many other psychosocial abilities remain intact, as if the delusions are circumscribed. Indeed, this is one of the key differences between delusional disorder and other primary psychotic disorders. However, the individual may rarely seek psychiatric help, remain isolated, and often present to internists, surgeons, dermatologists, policemen, and lawyers rather than psychiatrists.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________

To me, it doesn't seem like you have DD based on what you've said. I think it's just various symptoms of BPD manifesting.
 

Dinolaur

Human by day, Dino by night
SF Pro
#15
Hey Lauren. *hug May I suggest you perhaps drop a message in the support thread for BPD people? Of course I'm not diagnosing either, but your symptoms and beliefs do sound quite familiar.

When googling jealousy I've also found a bunch of other disorders I had never heard of, so ultimately it's best to ask your psychiatrist to help you with a proper diagnosis, but as this may take a long time, I know that the people in this thread have a very good understanding of BPD symptoms, are very caring and could help you with the jealousy.

Know that it is not a life sentence though, it can be improved, Lauren. *hug
Thanks auri! I’ll go have a gander at some point today! Been doing abit of cleaning and tidying the last few days, I’m exhausted but it’s the best way to cope I think right now.
 

Dinolaur

Human by day, Dino by night
SF Pro
#16
Jealousy is common in Borderlines, without the DD part. It's possible you may be interpreting the symptoms of DD in the wrong way (I know, a lot of these disorders are very similar in nature with similar symptoms--it's easy to confuse any one of them with another).

Here's some more information off of Medscape that may help you understand DD better.
________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Delusional disorder is an illness characterized by at least 1 month of delusions but no other psychotic symptoms, according to the American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-5). [1] Delusions are false beliefs based on incorrect inference about external reality that persist despite the evidence to the contrary; these beliefs are not ordinarily accepted by other members of the person's culture or subculture. Delusions can be characterized as persecutory (i.e., belief that one is going to be harmed by an individual, organization or group), referential (i.e., belief that gestures, comments, or environmental cues are directed at oneself), grandiose (i.e., belief that the individual has exceptional abilities, wealth, or fame), erotomanic (i.e., a false belief that another individual is in love with him/her), nihilistic (i.e., a conviction that a major catastrophe will occur), or somatic (i.e., beliefs focused on bodily function or sensation). Because cognitive organization and reality testing are otherwise intact in delusional disorder, it has been described in the literature as "partial psychosis." [2]

Delusions that express a loss of control over mind or body are generally considered to be bizarre and include belief that one’s thoughts have been removed by an outside force, that alien thoughts have been put into one’s mind, or that one’s body or actions are being acted on or manipulated by an outside force. [1]

Making a distinction between a delusion and an overvalued idea is important, the latter representing an unreasonable belief that is not firmly held. [1] Additionally, personal beliefs should be evaluated with great respect to complexity of cultural and religious differences; some cultures have widely accepted beliefs that may be considered delusional in other cultures.

Unfortunately, patients with delusional disorder do not have good insight into their pathological experiences. Interestingly, despite significant delusions, many other psychosocial abilities remain intact, as if the delusions are circumscribed. Indeed, this is one of the key differences between delusional disorder and other primary psychotic disorders. However, the individual may rarely seek psychiatric help, remain isolated, and often present to internists, surgeons, dermatologists, policemen, and lawyers rather than psychiatrists.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________

To me, it doesn't seem like you have DD based on what you've said. I think it's just various symptoms of BPD manifesting.
Wow! Thanks for your insight @Aurelia this is truly insightful, and doesn’t make me feel like you’re picking at me for being wrong! I agree after reading this that I do no have DD but I do believe I have BPD and will call the doctors when I have the guts to do so. I’m terrified but know I need to do it. Manifesting is definitely a thing I do. I will call the doctors :(
 

Jayjay289

Jay Jay from the UK
Staff Alumni
#17
Wow! Thanks for your insight @Aurelia this is truly insightful, and doesn’t make me feel like you’re picking at me for being wrong! I agree after reading this that I do no have DD but I do believe I have BPD and will call the doctors when I have the guts to do so. I’m terrified but know I need to do it. Manifesting is definitely a thing I do. I will call the doctors :(
Make sure you make that appoitment, remeber if he gives you tablets, they will take about 3 weeks to start to work, they will make you feel queesy and sick but once they settle in you will feel much better and hopefully more relaxed!
 

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