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BPD Support Thread

Aurelia

🔥 A Fire Inside 🔥
SF Supporter
#1
This might be a stupid idea; I don't really know. I guess we'll see. It seems to me that some people have been struggling obtaining the proper support because not everyone is aware of how to support someone with Borderline Personality Disorder. Not everyone understands the issues that we struggle with and why certain things affect us as much as they do. The other main BPD thread on here is mostly just people who are newly diagnosed or have trouble understanding what the disorder is. This thread, on the other hand, is specifically for Borderlines to support other Borderlines, a place where we don't have to deal with people who have no clue what we're going through calling us dramatic or oversensitive.
 

Aurelia

🔥 A Fire Inside 🔥
SF Supporter
#3
Thank you for creating this thread, it means a lot. I think it will be helpful to those of us who have trouble expressing ourselves to others. But since we all have the same disorder, we should be able to understand where we are coming from.
I know I definitely do. I've known about this diagnosis of mine for over a decade now. I've studied it both in college as well as for my own sake, and I understand just about every aspect of it that there is to understand. And honestly, I don't know what sucks more sometimes, being totally oblivious to what's going on or being fully aware and still unable to change it.
 

Aurelia

🔥 A Fire Inside 🔥
SF Supporter
#5
I feel like people don't understand why I dislike being alone so much. Mostly it helps my mind go to all sorts of bad places. But I feel stupid trying to explain it, because it makes no sense why I should feel this way. Does anyone else go through this?
Absolutely. I hate being alone. I'm an intovert, but I'd rather have that one person whom I care about with me. I hate having to go places alone. I always ask my husband to come with me and he gets pissed about it. He's like, "You can do things by yourself. You're an adult. This is ridiculous." etc, etc. And it's not because I'm not capable of doing things by myself, I'd just rather have his company. When I'm alone, I become miserable and anxious, I start thinking, I get bored. I don't see what the big fucking deal is. But he sees it as I'm too clingy, I guess. I think maybe the underlying reason is that I just don't like my own company. I don't feel comfortable in my own skin most of the time, and I guess I need someone else there to feel worthy and loved because I don't feel those things about myself.
 

Witty⭐️Sarcasm🐒

Race towards an early grave
SF Supporter
#6
Absolutely. I hate being alone. I'm an intovert, but I'd rather have that one person whom I care about with me. I hate having to go places alone. I always ask my husband to come with me and he gets pissed about it. He's like, "You can do things by yourself. You're an adult. This is ridiculous." etc, etc. And it's not because I'm not capable of doing things by myself, I'd just rather have his company. When I'm alone, I become miserable and anxious, I start thinking, I get bored. I don't see what the big fucking deal is. But he sees it as I'm too clingy, I guess. I think maybe the underlying reason is that I just don't like my own company. I don't feel comfortable in my own skin most of the time, and I guess I need someone else there to feel worthy and loved because I don't feel those things about myself.
Yeah it's just...hard for me to do things on my own, and then I feel stupid for being that way. I worry when I don't know where someone is, like if I know they're at the movies then going home to bed, I'm like yeah, I won't worry about them. But when I don't know, then my mind goes to a million different places. Like they were in an accident, they're in the hospital, something bad happened, they found something about me they don't like, or they finally got sick of me. I can't help but let my mind go there, because it's happened so many times before. People without BPD don't get that as much. Maybe they think I'm being clingy, or childish, or just idiotic, and sometimes I feel like only those with BPD will truly understand where I'm coming from. But I'm not mad at those who don't understand, because I can barely understand it myself, and that's so damned frustrating.
 

Aurelia

🔥 A Fire Inside 🔥
SF Supporter
#7
Yeah it's just...hard for me to do things on my own, and then I feel stupid for being that way. I worry when I don't know where someone is, like if I know they're at the movies then going home to bed, I'm like yeah, I won't worry about them. But when I don't know, then my mind goes to a million different places. Like they were in an accident, they're in the hospital, something bad happened, they found something about me they don't like, or they finally got sick of me. I can't help but let my mind go there, because it's happened so many times before. People without BPD don't get that as much. Maybe they think I'm being clingy, or childish, or just idiotic, and sometimes I feel like only those with BPD will truly understand where I'm coming from. But I'm not mad at those who don't understand, because I can barely understand it myself, and that's so damned frustrating.
I'm sure you've seen some of my threads before with me freaking out because I didn't know where my husband was. It really is fucking terrifying, and I think exactly the same as you described. I worry that he's hurt, got arrested, overdosed, is dissociating and capable of doing something crazy. And worst case scenario, he could be dead and I might never see him again. And he's literally the only thing I have. I'd be completely alone if I lost him. I have no family, I have no friends in real life, I have no one to turn to. And I can't even financially support myself. So yeah, it scares the shit out of me because he's the only reason I'm able to basically keep my head above water, so to speak. And I get why people don't understand. It's difficult to understand something you've never been through and never felt. Nevertheless, it's completely possible to put yourself in someone else's shoes and at least TRY to understand and TRY to be supportive. I do it all the time, for him especially. But I don't get it in return. And it hurts and it sucks.
 

Aurelia

🔥 A Fire Inside 🔥
SF Supporter
#9
I know I have a few people here who care, but I need someone to physically be there, and they can't be. And it's just not the same because at the end of the day, I'd still be alone. I don't know if I feel like a burden, necessarily, but I definitely feel like a fuckup and a total freak at times that people can't wrap their head around, and just want nothing to do with.
 

Aurelia

🔥 A Fire Inside 🔥
SF Supporter
#11
I don't know if this is just me, but sometimes I have like a really good conversation with someone here, and eventually, they end up having to leave, or go to bed, or whatever. And all of a sudden I just go from content to miserable because I feel alone again. Of course, I don't blame them or anything. It's completely reasonable to have to log off. But I just get really sad and it reminds me that I'm still alone afterward.
 

Aurelia

🔥 A Fire Inside 🔥
SF Supporter
#12
Yeah I feel like that often too. Like I'm just confusing and not sure if anyone can relate to me. But it helps to know there are others out there, like yourself, who can understand these feelings and not think I'm a weirdo.
I do, girl. I totally understand where you're coming from and feel a lot of the same things that you do. I'd never think you were a weirdo.
 

Aurelia

🔥 A Fire Inside 🔥
SF Supporter
#13
When it comes to romantic relationships, I feel like I shouldn't have trusted any man, ever. Just rewind time and get me a loyal and loving wife instead. Of course neither females nor males as a whole are perfect, but I feel like women think differently and all we really want from our partner is to feel like we're "the only one," and we're willing to give that same devotion in return. Just no materialistic, selfish, or egotistic bitches. You all don't count.
 

Witty⭐️Sarcasm🐒

Race towards an early grave
SF Supporter
#14
When it comes to romantic relationships, I feel like I shouldn't have trusted any man, ever. Just rewind time and get me a loyal and loving wife instead. Of course neither females nor males as a whole are perfect, but I feel like women think differently and all we really want from our partner is to feel like we're "the only one," and we're willing to give that same devotion in return. Just no materialistic, selfish, or egotistic bitches. You all don't count.
I just feel like in general I'll always be left behind, because that's all that has happened so far. But i don't feel that with my boyfriend, and that's why I feel this is different, and why I love him so much. You deserve that kind of love as well, because you have so much of it to give.
 

Witty⭐️Sarcasm🐒

Race towards an early grave
SF Supporter
#15
It sucks too because people assume because you're BPD, you must have driven them away. Sure, I can be too much at times. But mostly in the past, I dealt with people who were abusive, controlling, manipulative, or didn't value me at all. Or even used my illness against me. So it's not always my fault, and it hurts when people assume that.
 

Aurelia

🔥 A Fire Inside 🔥
SF Supporter
#16
I just feel like in general I'll always be left behind, because that's all that has happened so far. But i don't feel that with my boyfriend, and that's why I feel this is different, and why I love him so much. You deserve that kind of love as well, because you have so much of it to give.
The thing is, with me, it always feels like that at first too. But they always end up hurting you one way or another. In the beginning, it's like, I don't know, maybe they are their best selves because try harder to keep you. But then, eventually, they start not giving a shit and treating you like shit, and having very little regard for your feelings. But you're already attached at that point and in love, so you stick around anyway and forgive. But time after time, it just gets worse and worse until it starts feeling like they're not even the same person that you first met. I'm not saying that's how it's going to be with you, Witty, but that's how it's been with me. He's done things that most people would never have tolerated and stuck around for. And then there's the name calling, lashing out over dumb shit, disrespecting me, deliberately doing things that he knows will upset the fuck out of me, lying to me, hiding things from me, being unappreciative as hell of what I do for him and for us, and never even giving a shit when he hurts me and makes me cry. It just feels like the same story again and again. Granted, out of every chaotic relationship I've had, this one definitely takes the cake. But they're all the same in that they all hurt me over and over again, and I can't trust them. Every time I think, "Oh, this one is different than the rest," I end up being wrong. So I don't know, maybe if I decided to go with a woman instead, it wouldn't be this way.
 

Witty⭐️Sarcasm🐒

Race towards an early grave
SF Supporter
#17
The thing is, with me, it always feels like that at first too. But they always end up hurting you one way or another. In the beginning, it's like, I don't know, maybe they are their best selves because try harder to keep you. But then, eventually, they start not giving a shit and treating you like shit, and having very little regard for your feelings. But you're already attached at that point and in love, so you stick around anyway and forgive. But time after time, it just gets worse and worse until it starts feeling like they're not even the same person that you first met. I'm not saying that's how it's going to be with you, Witty, but that's how it's been with me. He's done things that most people would never have tolerated and stuck around for. And then there's the name calling, lashing out over dumb shit, disrespecting me, deliberately doing things that he knows will upset the fuck out of me, lying to me, hiding things from me, being unappreciative as hell of what I do for him and for us, and never even giving a shit when he hurts me and makes me cry. It just feels like the same story again and again. Granted, out of every chaotic relationship I've had, this one definitely takes the cake. But they're all the same in that they all hurt me over and over again, and I can't trust them. Every time I think, "Oh, this one is different than the rest," I end up being wrong. So I don't know, maybe if I decided to go with a woman instead, it wouldn't be this way.
I'm so sorry, you don't deserve to be treated that way. Just know that I love you as a friend, even though it's not exactly the same. But I think very highly of you.
 

Aurelia

🔥 A Fire Inside 🔥
SF Supporter
#18
It sucks too because people assume because you're BPD, you must have driven them away. Sure, I can be too much at times. But mostly in the past, I dealt with people who were abusive, controlling, manipulative, or didn't value me at all. Or even used my illness against me. So it's not always my fault, and it hurts when people assume that.
I know what you mean. They definitely do their fair share of damage. It's not just us. If anything, I'm the more understanding one in this relationship.
 

Witty⭐️Sarcasm🐒

Race towards an early grave
SF Supporter
#20
I know what you mean. They definitely do their fair share of damage. It's not just us. If anything, I'm the more understanding one in this relationship.
I think it's because BPD as an illness is generally demonized by those who don't understand it. So we tend to get a bad rap, even if we don't fit that stereotype.
 

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