I am a pretty functional adult (I hope that word isn't stigmatizing to other people) except when it comes to breakups. I am almost thirty and despite having had several serious breakups, each and every one makes me feel like I'm going to die. My gf broke up with me a couple nights ago. It was only a 4 month relationship, but very sweet and comforting and the breakup came as a surprise. She was very busy and felt overwhelmed knowing she couldn't show up for me the way I needed. She seemed pretty devastated and said she was in love and was going to be extremely sad for a very very long time. I tried hard to validate her experiences and how difficult of a situation that was, and I said I could try to be friends but I was in love with her and didn't want to have to pretend to feel platonically. We dreamed of maybe having a friendship with cuddling where she could feel unburdened as well. We decided to do 2 weeks no contact while we are out of town and then to check in. My mental health is bad, it feels like torture. I have a therapist and friends who are keeping in touch but I am really suffering. I have been obsessing about getting her back (I know, I know, this is pointless) and I am wondering if this potential romantic friendship is making me feel hooked on that idea. Part of me wants to be honest - I'm in love with you, if it ever felt ok to you I would maybe want to figure out dating, but my intentions for a friendship would be mixed. But what if thats my one chance to win her back? Again, I know this is crazy, but I'm in a dark place and feeling desperate for that connection. On one hand, I feel horrible. On the other, this post break up feeling used to drive me to call exes 1,0000 times to beg for them back, which I felt horrible about. And I'm not doing that, so yay! I haven't told her I am upset at all, but largely because I know that would push her away. I just look at the days ahead and can't see any relief. To the point where I feel I can't tolerate the pain, although I don't feel like I am at risk of hurting myself. I could use some support.