Came to the site to chat/get support and am ignored

[Steve30518]

Just venting here. I've come to this site off and on over the years when I am in a very dark place. I tried the chat rooms several times - where my messages were deleted (despite not sharing any details or timing), or ignored. Meanwhile in the happy chat, people are talking about obtaining illegal drugs on the dark web and asking others "do you speak English"? Not sure what has happened since I last visited, but it seems this site has become another Facebook or other trivial site where people either brag or put each other down.
I'm just a 55 year old gay man with no support, no family, no friends. Just me and a 14 year old dog. I have a good job, a nice home, and am relatively healthy. Just broken and FUBAR on the inside, with a keyboard and a screen. The only people I talk to are co-workers (remotely), so the weekends are especially lonely and difficult. Thanks for listening.

 

[nicktheundoer]

Just venting here. I've come to this site off and on over the years when I am in a very dark place. I tried the chat rooms several times - where my messages were deleted (despite not sharing any details or timing), or ignored. Meanwhile in the happy chat, people are talking about obtaining illegal drugs on the dark web and asking others "do you speak English"? Not sure what has happened since I last visited, but it seems this site has become another Facebook or other trivial site where people either brag or put each other down.
I'm just a 55 year old gay man with no support, no family, no friends. Just me and a 14 year old dog. I have a good job, a nice home, and am relatively healthy. Just broken and FUBAR on the inside, with a keyboard and a screen. The only people I talk to are co-workers (remotely), so the weekends are especially lonely and difficult. Thanks for listening.

hugs....sorry that you feel that way..i hope things take a turn..idk what to say..so i might just send hugs........

 

[Lady Wolfshead]

I'm so sorry. I'm the same age as you and I know how hard it is to make friends later in life. I do have a thread on here about meeting people so will post it here:
https://www.suicideforum.com/commun...people-wanting-friends-irl-and-online.167553/

As for chat, I assure you that it's not normally like that. In fact the topic of obtaining illegal drugs on the dark web would be deleted by a moderator if there's one in the chat. There are great people in SF chat. Sometimes the conversation can be about light topics (as people can find it helpful to distract themselves with talk of food, video games or whatever). You can ALWAYS say that you need help and people will respond to that, or ask someone to join you in the Support room where the lighter topics are discouraged.

And conflicts do happen in chat but they aren't too common.

Now there are certain times (especially late at night in North America) when chat gets slow and there may not be too many members online. But usually chat is active.

Please message me if you like. I will be your friend.

 

[Windhover]

hugs

I am sorry you were ignored.
You're welcome to message me and I will reply as soon as I'm on the site.

I am not in North America so the times are a bit different as to when I'm awake and online.

I just hope you are going to check back Steve.

 

[Atreides]

I'm sorry about your experience with chat. I'll be honest. Chat is probably not for everybody. Some get more out of the forums, and some get more out of chat. Personally I prefer the forums over chat because usually, when I enter chat, it's in the middle of a conversation that's been going on for a while. And I hate to come in in the middle of a conversation. If you need to chat with someone more immediate than the forums, please feel free to PM me. If I'm on my computer at the time, I will make sure to chat with you. Always remember SF is here for you, and YOU are the most perfect YOU there is.

 

[Steve30518]

Thank you all for the kind words and virtual hugs. That's part of my issue - an absolute lack of physical affection for over 3 years. Not sex - just cuddling and hugging someone. Since then, we had Covid and I watched my Dad die a painful death due to cancer. Despite moving 1000 miles and spending thousands of dollars to help my sister take care of Dad, at the end it wasn't enough for her and she has been nasty and angry since. I had a therapist (virtual) during this time, but on our last 50 minute visit, half the time was spent discussing my payments and account status. Didn't care about me...just his $$$. So, I'm hesitant to try that again and instead I occasionally reach out on here and drink too much to mask my pain. Plus, the current political climate has 40% of my fellow Americans actively working to take gay rights away and basically eliminate us, like the Nazis. Thanks again for listening, I don't know what to do from here.

 

[Livelife]

Thank you all for the kind words and virtual hugs. That's part of my issue - an absolute lack of physical affection for over 3 years.... Despite moving 1000 miles and spending thousands of dollars to help my sister take care of Dad, at the end it wasn't enough for her...
Plus, the current political climate..."


I resonate with some of what you posted. I'd be happy to share with and listen to you anytime..Just message me if you would like to.

 

[KM76710]

I am always willing to listen any time I am on, but I admit that I have only used the chat rooms from time to time and mostly just post here on the forum sections that are non chat. You can message me anytime I am here.

 

[Windhover]

it wasn't enough for her and she has been nasty and angry since.

Do not underestimate the power of this. Her anger may have and may still be hurting you. Getting yourself free of her influence might help you more than it seems.

best @Steve30518

 

[Gonz]

Thank you all for the kind words and virtual hugs. That's part of my issue - an absolute lack of physical affection for over 3 years. Not sex - just cuddling and hugging someone.

I feel that. For various reasons, my sex drive is about as low as it’s ever been and I have zero interest in a romantic relationship. Which isn’t an issue in and of itself. But I really miss having someone to cuddle on the couch with, or to give me a hug when I get home (as if I ever go out, lol), and it seems like past a certain point in life romantic/sexual partners become the only source of physical affection.

Since then, we had Covid and I watched my Dad die a painful death due to cancer. Despite moving 1000 miles and spending thousands of dollars to help my sister take care of Dad, at the end it wasn't enough for her and she has been nasty and angry since. I had a therapist (virtual) during this time, but on our last 50 minute visit, half the time was spent discussing my payments and account status. Didn't care about me...just his $$$. So, I'm hesitant to try that again and instead I occasionally reach out on here and drink too much to mask my pain.

I’m so sorry about your dad. And I’m sorry it’s put your sister in a mental space that prevents you from being there for each other. That must make it doubly hard.

Plus, the current political climate has 40% of my fellow Americans actively working to take gay rights away and basically eliminate us, like the Nazis. Thanks again for listening, I don't know what to do from here.

I’ve always known such people were out there in significant numbers. But recent years have been eye-opening nonetheless. It’s been disheartening (to say the least) to see what this country is becoming.

 

[AvidFan]

I'm sorry the site doesn't give you what you need. I just don't have the energy to engage with live chat, I just browse and post when I have some spare time, sort of drive by posting. I can't reply to every post or I'd feel overwhelmed so I just do my best to help if I can (while usually some shit storm of my own going on). I hope you can find what you need @Steve30518 and I'm sorry the world is in such a mess right now, so it has always been but the internet and social media giving the worst of humanity a free soap box has seen the rot come out of the woodwork over the last decade or so.

 

[iloverachel]

Just venting here. I've come to this site off and on over the years when I am in a very dark place. I tried the chat rooms several times - where my messages were deleted (despite not sharing any details or timing), or ignored. Meanwhile in the happy chat, people are talking about obtaining illegal drugs on the dark web and asking others "do you speak English"? Not sure what has happened since I last visited, but it seems this site has become another Facebook or other trivial site where people either brag or put each other down.
I'm just a 55 year old gay man with no support, no family, no friends. Just me and a 14 year old dog. I have a good job, a nice home, and am relatively healthy. Just broken and FUBAR on the inside, with a keyboard and a screen. The only people I talk to are co-workers (remotely), so the weekends are especially lonely and difficult. Thanks for listening.

I am sorry you are so alone and hurting. I am also in a similar position, and its awful. Loneliness is the worst.
You can talk to me whenever you want

 

[KM76710]

I'm sorry the site doesn't give you what you need. I just don't have the energy to engage with live chat, I just browse and post when I have some spare time, sort of drive by posting. I can't reply to every post or I'd feel overwhelmed so I just do my best to help if I can (while usually some shit storm of my own going on). I hope you can find what you need @Steve30518 and I'm sorry the world is in such a mess right now, so it has always been but the internet and social media giving the worst of humanity a free soap box has seen the rot come out of the woodwork over the last decade or so.

That is also how I do things here. There is so much to check out so I bounce all over the place and something will just strike me to post, it could be just about anything where I think I have some input to give. I did not even know there was a chat feature because I have a speaker that covers that section with the chat features so when anybody mentioned live chat I wonder where in the... There are so many sections to join in and share so I just explore at times.

 

[Pearl12]

Plus, the current political climate has 40% of my fellow Americans actively working to take gay rights away and basically eliminate us, like the Nazis.

I just wanted to say:
- You're not alone in feeling this way. I'm queer and definitely asking that question "is my sanity worth the cost of staying up-to-date on what's going in the world?" I.E., do I read the news, or do I bury my head in the sand. I sometimes worry that I will have to hide parts of myself if certain political agendas get much farther. I do sometimes dress less... colorfully... when working in rural areas.
- There are people fighting the good fight (against the Nazis). It's slow and sometimes there's a step back, but I believe we will win in the end. We've come so far already in so many other areas—abolishing slavery, equal rights, civil rights... the arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends towards justice.

hugs.

 

[Waves]

Here!!!

 

[Vid]

Hey Steve, I'm new here but I know the feeling from other places. Sending you some love.

 

[DouglasW]

@Steve30518 I just read your post here. Have not read people's responses.

You were talking to me that day, and I was not understanding what you were saying since I hadn't witnessed the earlier exchanges. Then I was the one who mentioned the dark web, which I understand your read on that but I was annoyed at you picking on me about it since I had no idea what you were on about.

I've been saying same thing and hearing same thing from many. Even if you think I'm part of the problem, I share the concern that the culture has changed on SF. I and many others regularly ask explicitly for help and are ignored or even shunned sometimes as problematic for the content of our story or what we are asking help for. More often though yes people keep gabbing about whatever. New members leave because of this. Old members have left because of this. Many of us contemplate leaving because of this.

So, sorry I was not getting what you were saying about it in chat. I do get it.

 

[Steve30518]

I have not been here in a few weeks but am feeling super down again. I won't share details because I don't want to be banned. Just really lonely and not looking forward to another long holiday weekend sitting at home....alone.
Thanks to everyone for their concern.

 

[Sunspots]

I'm so sorry things are feeling so dark right now. Do you want to say more about why?

 

[Steve30518]

Same ol same ol. No friends...estranged from most of my family and feeling worthless. It's really hard to keep going.
Example of how lonely and pathetic I am: I just had my annual physical today (I don't know why....not like I want to live a long time). I'm 10 years overdue for a colonoscopy - never had one. So, (if I get up the energy) I will hire a service that costs nearly $400 to accompany me for my colonoscopy. A stranger will "care" for me and bring me home. How sad and pathetic is that?