Can't stand living again
- Thread starter Kath123
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Well that's not good! 
What you've got to do is find out why you're feeling this way, then change that, and then become a happy, energetic, active person! 
Easier said than done? Hmmmmm, I dunno. :mellow: Depends on what your issues are, I guess. Why don't you tell us about them. Maybe we can give you some advice on how to change what's troubling you. :laugh:
What you've got to do is find out why you're feeling this way, then change that, and then become a happy, energetic, active person! Easier said than done? Hmmmmm, I dunno. :mellow: Depends on what your issues are, I guess. Why don't you tell us about them. Maybe we can give you some advice on how to change what's troubling you. :laugh:
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My life really isn't worth living. I mean seriously. I'm one of the people who should die. I'm a 40 year old loser. I live with my parents. I have no friends. I'm terrible at my job, and I hate it. I wake up every day just wishing I were dead. I don't even really want friends or a better job, I don't want to do anything except die. I don't look forward to anything, and I don't enjoy anything. And I'm a selfish, ugly, unpleasant person.
I've been in therapy, and my therapist is very kind to me but all that happens is I see all the reasons my life is horrible, and I try to change things, but nothing changes the fact that I can't stand living.
Which begs the question - why the hell am I still here? It's simple and stupid. My parents would be upset if I died. Even more if I killed myself. I don't know how my mother would get through. I tried to kill myself when I was 20, and didn't think of that, and wish to God I had died then.
But every day is just awful. I want a terminal illness to take it out of my hands, so I don't have to feel guilty.
I tell myself every day to keep on keeping on, and I do for what it's worth, but it is SO LONELY to feel like one of the dead and be among the living.
I've been in therapy, and my therapist is very kind to me but all that happens is I see all the reasons my life is horrible, and I try to change things, but nothing changes the fact that I can't stand living.
Which begs the question - why the hell am I still here? It's simple and stupid. My parents would be upset if I died. Even more if I killed myself. I don't know how my mother would get through. I tried to kill myself when I was 20, and didn't think of that, and wish to God I had died then.
But every day is just awful. I want a terminal illness to take it out of my hands, so I don't have to feel guilty.
I tell myself every day to keep on keeping on, and I do for what it's worth, but it is SO LONELY to feel like one of the dead and be among the living.
Oh, well if that's not an option. Regrets? I've had a few. To say the least. Sure I could have prevented lots of misery if I'd done this or that. All of it, maybe. But most of where I am isn't a single bad choice, it's a consistent pattern that is who I am, what I keep doing, stupidities I can't shake even at 40.
I have tried to make changes over the years. I've gone from unemployed to employed. I volunteer. I try to change my attitude, be more responsive to people. Be less of a bitch. Confront my anxieties. And I have changed. But it's too late for any of that to make a dent.
And honestly? I so am what I am. The reason my first choice would be killing myself at 20 is because I don't think my life could ever have been worth living. I just so am what I am.
I have tried to make changes over the years. I've gone from unemployed to employed. I volunteer. I try to change my attitude, be more responsive to people. Be less of a bitch. Confront my anxieties. And I have changed. But it's too late for any of that to make a dent.
And honestly? I so am what I am. The reason my first choice would be killing myself at 20 is because I don't think my life could ever have been worth living. I just so am what I am.
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