So i kind of attempted suicide last wednesday, and didn't tell anyone until that friday. I ended up going to the hospital for 6 days. I missed my exams, missed playing for our church's christmas performances, and I have messed up relationships with my friends. One of my friends is scared that I will try to kill myself at her house with the kids around. I would NEVER, EVER do that. But it hurts that she would think that. I suppose she's lost trust in me, and I have to gain that back by showing myself to be a different person. I just want to hang out with her like we used to. But things won't go back to the way it was, at least not for a while. I have to give her time. And this sucks. Like, really sucks. I've never dealt with repercussions like this. It's different, because now it has affected my friends. I DID THAT. I AM RESPONSIBLE. I think I feel guilty about it. I never meant to hurt my friends, never meant for anything like this to happen. I was just tired of fighting the depression all the time. This is what happens when I attempt after doing so well for almost 3 years. I'm sorry. I feel awful. I don't know how to handle all this.
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- Thread starter RedTears
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I am sorry. I know it is so hard when it comes to friend's fear of suiciding. People get very frightened. Their fear leads to even more pain. I know. I found that friends do not want to live with the fear that I might take my life. So they have said and done some very painful things in response to hearing I do not want to live. Perhaps the most important thing you can do now to earn back trust and rapair things is to work on the issues. And to let your friend know you are working on it. That may be the way you can ease her fear of losing you. And to re-establish that trust.
RedTears, Ever since my last suicide attempt, my neighbors here don't want to hang around me anymore because they are afraid that they might say something that will upset me and will try to kill myself again. When my neighbors suspect that I'm feeling down, they get worried and scared that I am relapsing. I have to convince them and gain back their trust when I prove that I'm not suicidal anymore and I've moved on and I'm taking care of myself. Even my manager checks on me frequently and ask me how I'm doing because everyone here cares about me and don't want me to harm myself again. I just have to keep proving myself and show them that I am ok now. They don't have to be afraid for me. I just have to show them I'm stable enough and I expect to carry on. Time will tell and heal itself.
Cool nickname RedTears!, I'm happy you are alive!
It hurts to remember that you attempted, it hurts more when you think it is your fault how they feel.
How they feel is not your fault, is not their fault either, if the attempter dies or doesn't die, all the people around don't know what to think, what to feel, what to say or what the heck just happened....
Some people are angry at the attempter:
-some think you are weak and you should have been stronger
-others think you are selfish
-think if you came to them, they would have made a difference or talk you out of it
-think you were just pretending to call attention
-think your reasons are not good enough reasons
-they don't know why you did it and it really bothers them
-sometimes they think they contributed to your decision
Others are sad:
-because they didn't see it
-they couldn't help you
-they could have helped and they didn't
-they think you don't love them
-they think they didn't give you enough love
-they had another loss
-they have tought on commiting, but because they didnt do it, they don't understand you
-they are disappointed
-it breaks their heart to think that you died/attempted
-they would miss you forever
-their life doesn't have a meaning if you are gone
Others want your silence:
-because of gossip
-social judgement
-if others (specially relatives) hear about it, they may also attempt
-is a stigma
-is a sin and you will go to hell (Jesus never said that)
-will affect your image and your chances in life
Others understand you:
-because they attempted before
Others support you (almost no one, usually strangers that end up being great friends and are fantastic human beings, almost like angels):
-understand you
-don't judge you
-see your story with empathy and are happy you are alive and love life
-encourage you to share your story
-trust you
They all decide how to react, their feelings are there and they may not be the best, but they do decide if they are going to judge you, trust you and support you or not.
Your words will not make much if a difference, it is your actions that will, show them you are fine, trustable, you are the same person and they will come back to you...
God bless you!
It hurts to remember that you attempted, it hurts more when you think it is your fault how they feel.
How they feel is not your fault, is not their fault either, if the attempter dies or doesn't die, all the people around don't know what to think, what to feel, what to say or what the heck just happened....
Some people are angry at the attempter:
-some think you are weak and you should have been stronger
-others think you are selfish
-think if you came to them, they would have made a difference or talk you out of it
-think you were just pretending to call attention
-think your reasons are not good enough reasons
-they don't know why you did it and it really bothers them
-sometimes they think they contributed to your decision
Others are sad:
-because they didn't see it
-they couldn't help you
-they could have helped and they didn't
-they think you don't love them
-they think they didn't give you enough love
-they had another loss
-they have tought on commiting, but because they didnt do it, they don't understand you
-they are disappointed
-it breaks their heart to think that you died/attempted
-they would miss you forever
-their life doesn't have a meaning if you are gone
Others want your silence:
-because of gossip
-social judgement
-if others (specially relatives) hear about it, they may also attempt
-is a stigma
-is a sin and you will go to hell (Jesus never said that)
-will affect your image and your chances in life
Others understand you:
-because they attempted before
Others support you (almost no one, usually strangers that end up being great friends and are fantastic human beings, almost like angels):
-understand you
-don't judge you
-see your story with empathy and are happy you are alive and love life
-encourage you to share your story
-trust you
They all decide how to react, their feelings are there and they may not be the best, but they do decide if they are going to judge you, trust you and support you or not.
Your words will not make much if a difference, it is your actions that will, show them you are fine, trustable, you are the same person and they will come back to you...
God bless you!
Its so isolating. My friend said it upset her too much and she stopped talking to me. Well "friend". I think that's lame. I would have helped her. People like to make everything about them (well people like her). My other "friend" emailed my boss...he could have come to visit. People can be useless. I would never tell anyone now. Ever.
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