Could family ever understand

[JmpMster]

I think in the main I'd agree with you but in some aspects my life could be greatly improved I live in a shared yard with family which I dislike my uncle is a hoarder and his part of the yard looks like a scrapyard which depresses me greatly I'd love to move but can't for financial reasons,another simple thing is I used to enjoy driving it was a passion of mine and now because I only have a clapped out car my love of driving has gone,so I don't believe money can cure everything it can certainly help,I once read a quote from a celebrity that said "I've been miserable and poor and I've been miserable and rich and miserable And rich is far better"!!!

So the primary issues with you being depressed to the point of being suicidal are that your uncle/neighbor has a messy yard that you share and your car is not as nice as you want? I am not being sarcastic or rude- things bother people in different ways - you had mentioned OCD so I can understand one for certain and if driving was your escape and pleasure to cope before and now your primary coping tool is not available for all the other issues in life then yes, for you it may be that important. I am just trying to isolate the issues from "everything in the world" to actual identifiable problems that can be worked on, and many heads might come up with viable alternatives and solutions to make your life a little more tolerable.

 

[Bruces]

Those are by no means the only issues I have with myself,some people would say I'm lucky as I have a home etc but somehow I just don't see it that way,I'm constantly been told to appreciate what I have and that is sound advice but I don't seem to be able to do that,my life seems completely unfulfilled and I'm not sure of a way to address that either

 

[Bruces]

I left my precious job where I was fairly
Busy I took redundancy to take on a new venture which didn't really work out and the combination of my ocd and anxiety means I can't really do a job I want I will have to downgrade which I believe is sometimes neccasary but very unfulfilling

 

[Bruces]

I feel envy but not always for materialistic things I feel envy for people who don't experience depression or ocd and feel envy for people who can wear summer clothing,being as though I have psoriasis and need to keep covered up but I appreciate people have far worse conditions

 

[jake.x.99]

your question is the same one that has stopped me again and again. i am so afraid of the effect of my suicide on my kids. i don't expect them to fully understand that i am doing this for their benefit . . . to give them a chance at happy and successful lives. i know they will not believe that i am doing it because i love them so much. it is not a decision that i made out of emotion or even depression, but rather, it's a rational one that i know objectively will give the opportunities to have the lives they deserve. i know they will hate me and i accept that. they only thing i cannot bear is the fear that they will do something like this themselves . . . that they will see it as a reasonable choice because they won't know or understand the reasons for it, the reasons that make this the only choice for me but could never make it a choice for them.