deadline

[Wastingecho]

On train head already pounding, feel ill

Find out today if i still have a job

Tried not to think about it all weekend but can't avoid it now and not sure what will happen

Tried my best Dammit out of my hands now if I ever had a chance and my head is not right

Don't know if I'm afraid more of getting fired or not

Getting fired is actually easier - that's what life insurance is for and yes i'm covered

If they don't fire me it means I have to keep being something I'm not, not doing what I'm best at, and I can't keep that up forever

The stress of the last 6 weeks has taken it's toll - always exhausted, short-tempered, more isolated than ever, emotionally hair-triggered - had to avoid all music and family for the last week - torturing myself listening to les miserable now hoping for inspiration but all it's doing is make me cry

I know I should be grateful to (still?) have a job but but it's been slowly killing me for years I can't find anything else, bills are high need the money butt I'm just going to fail anyway - sooner or later - I'm a loser it's inevitable - I feel it in my bones

 

[jxdama]

i think you will get good news today.

 

[Terry]

Hope it all goes as well as it can :hug:

 

[total eclipse]

I think too you will not get fired hun you are just as important as the other workers there. I hope you are able to get the coping skills you need to keep fighting okay

 

[Wastingecho]

now in addition to whatever may or may not happen we have to start the next round of self-assessments

how about this?

I'M A FUCKING LOSER WASTE OF LIFE AND I DON'T FUCKING DESERVE TO LIVE!!!!!

 

[total eclipse]

Only in your mind okay no other person thinks this only you

 

[Wastingecho]

doesn't make it any less true does it

 

[Terry]

Not to you it doesn't.
Bit like people constantly telling me spiders won't hurt me, when I'm irrationally petrified of them.
And that's the point, it's irrational!
You are not a waste space, just someone stuck in a mind set that is slowly destroying you. :hug:

 

[jxdama]

we love you here

 

[Wastingecho]

i need friends with a big ass rock

warning: song may trigger

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=avuKgB75I5o&feature=related

 

[xXWhateverItTakesXx]

Just want to send you a hug and hope everything went ok.

You are not pointless and you deserve very much to live :hug: xx

 

[jxdama]

what happened?

 

[IV2010]

hey echo...I hope all went well at work...
you have many friends here but none of us gonna do the 'rock' thing to you..
*

 

[Wastingecho]

well no one told me not to come back when i left but no one has told me i'm safe either - too chicken to ask

still stressed - not going in to work today

feel like a wreck

 

[WildCherry]

Just letting you know I'm here if you need anything. :hug:

 

[jxdama]

did you stay home?

 

[IV2010]

hope staying home gave you some peace from the constant turmoil you're in Echo..
I feel for you....I wish I could fix your pain..:hug:

 

[the_only_one]

echo. we all love you here.. you know that