Dealing With Anger and Tolerance

[Here Then Gone]

Sorry this got wordy.
I don't have a solution, just a thought or two on this. Part of being a human is the experience of mentally noting body's purpose of staying alive. I'm sorry your family has let you down. I know a bit about that unfortunately. We, I meana our nervous systems, brains, bodies ... aren't by nature satisfied with loneliness - it generates fearand it is perceived as a threat. I mean, underneath the emotion which cloaks it, loneliness is a signal which means we need others to be safer.

I agree that there's no proof of humans having a valid reason for being here. It's a thought loop I can find myself on at times. But, that thought process is not going to gain us any positive ground as far as mental health goes, so it is a moot point if we'd like to be less distressed. Sometimes it's useful to play a small mental trick of reminding myself how the earth might have been for all the millenia prior to humans' overpopulation.

I appreciate what @JanisSPK has said above. Some of our misery can be abated by coming at the problem logically; it's gradually creating a new pattern of behaviour for oneself which brings about a few things: less boredom, less lonelisness and a more normal balance. It might be different for you, but for me it is: finding the right sights, smells, sounds and mild physical exertion. It's not some sort of socially approved achievement - its bringing back into one's body and mind what is lacking due to this screwed up so called society and modern life.

For me, I've narrowed it down to different sections of the brain are constantly at war with one another, and they each have their own reasons. There's the survival part of the brain, that just wants to keep living no matter what. There's the logical part of the brain, which wants what's logically beneficial. There's the emotional attachment part of the brain, which involves feelings including pain and attachment to others. Then the great scorekeeper, the thing I value more than even my own life; The truth. The thing is, objective truth can be a tricky thing to pinpoint, and each section of the brain that I described each has their own 'tricks' to convince the judge and jury that their story is the truth to present to the court. A Perry Mason court room right in my own head! I hope that makes sense.

I'm in deciding mode right now. Constantly going back and forth between the truth being it's better to not be alive, and the truth being you should stay alive for some purpose. And right now, it's better to not be alive is winning.

 

[seabird]

I understand. It could be described as much the same in my mind. Not completely though, becuase I'm still connected on all those levels to my work. I wish you the best. I hold no judgement about suicide but for the deep sadness of missed opportunity which can't be known ahead of time.

I hope you stick around @Here Then Gone. Sf can be a good place.

 

[Here Then Gone]

Thank you, Seabird. You and others replying to my thread empathetically make my day.