I started the day going to a meeting. But I have found myself just feeling very out of sorts. It's small things that remind me why I hate the holidays. Like after the meeting, I was listening to people talk about all these plans with family and their SO. I mean it shouldn't bother me, but it does. It hurts to be reminded of the rejections and feelings of worthlessness. And I know I say this often, and I'm sorry. I thought about going to the movies, in the off chance it may not be so crowded in the early afternoon, but I don't know if I will now. I just hate always hurting over being lonely and undesirable. I wish that I didn't care.
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Dealing with today
- Thread starter sadhart
- Start date
sadhart I think I know what you mean. Its normal to compare ourselves to others.
I saw the Queen movie (Bohemian Rhapsody) one year on Thanksgiving at a theatre where they served food. I have to say I really enjoyed it. There were not a lot of people there in the afternoon.
This morning someone asked me if I had plans for Thanksgiving and I just said no, I'm staying home. It feels better to tell the truth than to bluff.
Whatever you do, treat it like just another day. You may be lonely but you are not undesirable. Your life is precious.
Take care.
Alice
I saw the Queen movie (Bohemian Rhapsody) one year on Thanksgiving at a theatre where they served food. I have to say I really enjoyed it. There were not a lot of people there in the afternoon.
This morning someone asked me if I had plans for Thanksgiving and I just said no, I'm staying home. It feels better to tell the truth than to bluff.
Whatever you do, treat it like just another day. You may be lonely but you are not undesirable. Your life is precious.
Take care.
Alice
I ended up not going to the movies. Instead, I ended up cleaning up around my apartment. I think I'm glad I did that instead of going back out. There is a sale going on at my local video store starting at midnight. I think I may go to it around 1 or 2 am later because I am hoping it won't be too crowded out as opposed to tomorrow afternoon.
I hope your day has been well so far.
I hope your day has been well so far.
I didn't have anyone to share Thanksgiving with either, just like last year. I'll be alone on Christmas too, just like last year.
I did go and do hospital volunteer duty today though.....I visited with three patients who have things a lot worse than I do.
So I have some things to be thankful for. I'm healthy and have a home.
I did go and do hospital volunteer duty today though.....I visited with three patients who have things a lot worse than I do.
So I have some things to be thankful for. I'm healthy and have a home.
I went to the game store around 1am. There were quite a few people there. I feel petty always saying this but it gets to me when I see couples together. It's even harder when you are trying to just mind your own business and they are standing right next to you having conversations and stuff.
And part of the reason I feel like this is because often times, not only do I feel inadequate when I see couples, but there are times when I am reminded of something a "relative" once said to me during a "tough love" "discussion" (sorry I know that's annoying) by saying if he were my spouse he would divorce me. It was said during a rather dark time in my life, but he said it in a way to convey that we were "blood" and so he would never turn his back on me.....even though he had barely spoken to me all that much in my life until that conversation.
There are so many shitty people in this world who manage to be worth love and acceptance. Throughout my life, there have been so many reasons why I was never worth those things. Reasons that are varying and contradicting to one another. And I try to not think about it, but as i have said other times, that is difficult to do so.
Anyway, I'm sorry for harping on this. I at least got going to that store out of the way. There is another store I want to go to, but their black friday sale is for the next three days. I think I may wait until sunday. What I would like to try doing for today is to get some writing, both creative and personal stuff done. It's hard trying to do the latter, but I think part of what is bothering me is holding a lot of stuff in that needs to be said to certain people. Whether they will be understanding or care at all is another story, but I need to get this out.
And part of the reason I feel like this is because often times, not only do I feel inadequate when I see couples, but there are times when I am reminded of something a "relative" once said to me during a "tough love" "discussion" (sorry I know that's annoying) by saying if he were my spouse he would divorce me. It was said during a rather dark time in my life, but he said it in a way to convey that we were "blood" and so he would never turn his back on me.....even though he had barely spoken to me all that much in my life until that conversation.
There are so many shitty people in this world who manage to be worth love and acceptance. Throughout my life, there have been so many reasons why I was never worth those things. Reasons that are varying and contradicting to one another. And I try to not think about it, but as i have said other times, that is difficult to do so.
Anyway, I'm sorry for harping on this. I at least got going to that store out of the way. There is another store I want to go to, but their black friday sale is for the next three days. I think I may wait until sunday. What I would like to try doing for today is to get some writing, both creative and personal stuff done. It's hard trying to do the latter, but I think part of what is bothering me is holding a lot of stuff in that needs to be said to certain people. Whether they will be understanding or care at all is another story, but I need to get this out.
I really understand and feel your pain
I never really leave the house too because ita a constant reminder I never fit in
Everyone else is with their partner family friends etc.
I totally understand. It sucks
We are here for you please keep venting
I never really leave the house too because ita a constant reminder I never fit in
Everyone else is with their partner family friends etc.
I totally understand. It sucks
We are here for you please keep venting
