I’m trying to tie a knot at the end of my rope and hang on, so to speak. A year ago my son became ill and caused a head on collision. He escaped his burning car, injured emotionally and mentally. The other drivers escaped but were very injured. The accident and his new illness put us all in shock. These life changing things come as a big surprise and we all experience them. It’s life. We were so thankful our son didn’t die. So thankful the other people didn’t die. We didn’t know to not let everyone question him or to call a lawyer. He was arrested with two counts ag assault wd weapon. All moms may say this sort of thing, but this day was so uncharacteristic with his life. He had never been in trouble. He is a smart, loving, good young man. Was on a good path in life. Never engaged in risky behavior. It was like a Day was hyjacked in his life and bad stuff happened. He went to jail. He became much sicker. He was so ill he didn’t recognize food and water and thought they were trying to kill him by withholding them. I went to the ends of the earth to try and get him medication. Slept in lawyers parking lots begging for help and psychiatrist parking lots begging them go inside the jail to treat him. I got to the end of my rope and checked into a hotel room near the jail. Honestly waiting to be called and told something horrible had happen and I needed to come to the jail. I slept and prayed. I wrote the judge begging for mercy. God provided. He was treated. I was worried that he wouldn’t mentally come back from where he was. But, he did- God is good. To skip over the legal mess that ensued next......bond,sentence to prison. At this point, I was emotional spent. I stopped being able to function. Stopped being able to work. I spiraled into the deepest darkest place. I have two other children and a good husband. I was being sucked further and further in this pit and they were out of reach. They lost me. I lost them. Very few people in the community reached out. Not people that I thought would. I stopped being able to speak and became scared of everything. I became unable to leave my bed. Breathing became too hard. I spend every second for two weeks praying for God to come and get me to bring me home. I needed him. I was sleeping a lot but not well if that makes sense. I lost track of the amount of sleep medication I had taken and my husband took me to the hospital not knowing what else to do with me. I was given a medication that helped pull me out of the hole. I hired help at work. Most days I am able to get to work and do some productive things during the day. My family was healing. Then we get notice that we are being sued for not being able to predict and stop the accident from happening. My son moved to a prison that is 4 1/2 hours away. He will be sentenced for the second count once release( more than a year from now). He will forever be a convicted felon. My heart is broken watching him in so much fear and pain. I’m running out of strength. But, I am having some good days. Today just isn’t one of them. Its a very low one. I am not even close to the dark quicksand I was in before. But, I feel defeated. I miss my family. I miss happy. I miss feeling safe. I miss friends. I miss my life. I’m not begging to be taken to heaven. I will wake up tomorrow with my strength gathered and put my feet on the floor. I’ll have some fight back tomorrow. But, today I am screaming out into the nothingness to see if there is anything to make an echo l.
If you took the time to read this, thank you for being out there . I need to hear an echo.
Miss my Happy
If you took the time to read this, thank you for being out there . I need to hear an echo.
Miss my Happy