I try to be positive and not let this stuff get to me....
But I am so frustrated... - I have put the walls up between the pieces of who I am again... sometimes I remember stuff - sometimes I don't... the hauntings of past abuses and triggers are constant
Today my kids were insisting that I watched a movie with them awhile back - I have NO recollection of it - these things happen all the time - the only way I keep up with my family stuff and my job - is thru writing myself notes - but when it comes to other pieces.... I find clothes I don't remember buying - things done I don't remember doing.....
So not fair to my children - but I am all they have.... I got them out of the abuse, but I feel so disfunctional... hate myself
That doesn't help though, this is the way I survived - disconnected when I was just too young to take what happened to me..... G-d I hate life... but I don't, I just want to have a normal life and be cared for - just for awhile - fat chance.....
and always the arguments in my head - gives me such headaches......
feeling so scattered - want an escape from the pain
But I am so frustrated... - I have put the walls up between the pieces of who I am again... sometimes I remember stuff - sometimes I don't... the hauntings of past abuses and triggers are constant
Today my kids were insisting that I watched a movie with them awhile back - I have NO recollection of it - these things happen all the time - the only way I keep up with my family stuff and my job - is thru writing myself notes - but when it comes to other pieces.... I find clothes I don't remember buying - things done I don't remember doing.....
So not fair to my children - but I am all they have.... I got them out of the abuse, but I feel so disfunctional... hate myself
That doesn't help though, this is the way I survived - disconnected when I was just too young to take what happened to me..... G-d I hate life... but I don't, I just want to have a normal life and be cared for - just for awhile - fat chance.....
and always the arguments in my head - gives me such headaches......
feeling so scattered - want an escape from the pain