dissociated and lost couple of hours

[jimk]

had just finished mowing the front yard and was in the middle of raising the mower couple of notches so could mow the really heavy grass in back.. that was the last thing I remember.. couple of hours later I went thru the usual hard times trying to come back to reality.. the inbetween stage is where I cannot do the simpliest tasks done on automatic thousands of times... all totally beyond me then and a clue what happened during the event.. do not know day... anything about the day , just totally lost..

been doing this for more than 60 yrs and you would think I would be used to this by now!!! that has not happened.. I still feel like a new born infant all the way powerless, thoughtloess and just totally out to lunch.... at least now instead of spending most of each day dissociating, now is a rare occurrence...

just wish to bloody hell I did not do it at all/....

 

[lelantgirl]

Sorry to hear this jimk, isn't it strange I too today have been dissociating and cant remember what the heck has happened/been going on.
My inner child is very wounded and upset and hurt and suppose its a way of coping at the moment as my adult self cant cope either, so a way of getting time out I suppose, better than going right over the edge, but freaks me out, as doesn't happen very often. You say been happening to you for more than 60 years, but even so I dont think its something you get used to really, deep down, still a scary and freaky experience to have to go through, no matter how many times.
Its strange too how low and out of it we are and yet we can still do stuff on automatic pilot! Amazing how out brain and body worls together I suppose, in ways we shall never ever begin to understand.
Thanks for sharing jimk this has made me feel less alone this evening, cos was a little concerned was happening to me. Take care yourself.

 

[jimk]

lelantgirl so sorry you also go thru dissociations. I would not wish these on the devil.. you probably have real good reason why you do this such as bad things that happened to you ealier in your life. what some people can do to other innocent victims just blows me away still.. no wonder some people check out to avoid staying there in present during the abuse..

 

[pickwithaustin]

Sorry to hear that, Jim. What happened during the time you don't recall? I mean, is the back lawn mowed? (I'm not trying to be funny... I'm curious if you still did things just that you cannot remember them).

Here's hoping that happens less and here's hoping you feel better.

 

[jimk]

hi pick... I use the café thread everyday just in case I dissociate and cannot find my butt with both hands.. that's why I chart my progress during the day and start early with what I need to do for the day.. sometimes I am without an attachment to any of this..

what I think happened this morning was I just walked away from an unmowed back yard and just came into the house and I still do not have a clue what I did for hours now.. thank god I do not do this very often these days.. used to dissocate for up to a week with an alternate personality running the whole show thoughout..; I do not do that now.. I think I just sit in a heap doing pretty much nothing whlle dissociating.. the only memories I have thru all of this is the incredibly difficulty I have during the time I am coming out of it .. not able to do anything then..

I mowed and weedeated later after I got back to earth...