Sorry if this is a little long. Today I was at therapy and since I have been struggling really badly she suggested I try and see a psychiatrist sooner than 9/12. I thought it was a good idea so she suggested that I call the doctor and see if they can make me an appointment to see a psychiatrist in their network sooner. She is going to call me tomorrow night to see how it goes so I felt some slight pressure to do it but I also thought it couldn't hurt. I told the receptionist that I was wondering about coming in to see if I could get an appointment for one of their psychiatrists (the ones that sometimes come in late or do extra shifts at urgent care) since my appointment was a month away and lately I have been very depressed with suicidal ideation but nothing urgent and I had no plan. I reiterated that I had no plan and that all I wanted to do was talk to someone about medicine and different options. She told me she wasn't sure about all of that after I tried to ask a couple of questions: was this person a mental health professional? Would I be able to follow up with them? She just said "I don't know honey I'm not the doctor I just make the appointments. Just come in tonight." Frustrated I said okay maybe I will come in and no formal appointment was made. We hung up. 3 hours later I come out of the shower and see 4 missed calls from the doctor and a voicemail. The voicemail said that they were concerned because I missed my appointment and due to "the nature of the issue" they were calling me multiple times. If I didn't respond within a half an hour they would call the police to come check on me and see if I'm okay. I called back and told them it was a misunderstanding and that I didn't want to see someone immediately and that I wanted long term care. I didn't have any thoughts or plans on hurting myself at all. The police just came to my house and I had to assure them that I was okay. I was so fucking terrified that they were about to take me away to the hospital and psych ward. I'm shaking and crying because I'm so scared and embarrassed. This is why I don't like telling doctors what is going on unless they are psychiatrists. They freak out and are ready to take you away to a place where you would be even worse. I can't believe that that happened and I regret saying anything and calling the doctors. I understand why they have to go to these measures but I STRESSED IT WASN'T URGENT AND THAT I HAD NO PLANS TO HURT MYSELF. I had to explain everything to the cops. They understood but I still saw them looking at me trying to figure out if I was lying and going to do something as soon as they left. I'm terrified they're going to come back and if I don't answer that they'll barge in and drag me away. I stressed today to my therapist how much I hated the psych ward and how it always makes me feel more depressed and suicidal. This is exactly the type of situation I want to fucking avoid because it never helps me!! This is definitely not helping any anxiety I've been feeling. I hope I can calm down enough to sleep. I know this is paranoid but I just feel like tomorrow there will be some calls and "check ups" on me. If I'm not home when they come will they freak out and search for me? I mean what the fuck? All I wanted was to talk about medicine.