Hi Fernando,
I find your theory interesting, I too can't seem to find anything in life worth living for... And to say this to most people you just get judged, I have children so people automatically assume that you have to live for them, but is that really fair? To be forced to live a life you do not want anymore simply for the sake of others? I lost my partner, my soul mate, the love of my life, my everything just less than a week ago to suicide and I just can't see a way of living without him. I'm angry with him for leaving me after we promised we'd do everything together, if ever the day came were we had had enough we would die together. But we didn't. He left me. He didn't say goodbye, didn't tell me he loved me or even give me chance to tell him first. He was alone from me for a couple of hours but we were texting from different rooms in the house, 45 mins passed since his last text which was something mundane really and that was it, he was gone. :'( my heart, my world everything literally smashed into a million pieces when I saw he was gone. Life is simply a grey fog now, I have lived the last few days in a blur, my children are being cared for by family, am I a total shit mum? Cause I can't find it within myself to look after them or even go on living for them? I loved my partner more than anything and I simply cannot function without him and he knew this. I don't understand why he would think for one second that I would be OK without him? That our daughter would be OK without him? I don't even know if he intended to die like he did or if it was a tragic mistake. I just want to go with him, I'm so torn. On one hand I can simply do what he did and be with him again, torment over. Back in his arms. Or there is nothing on the other side just cease to exist but that would be better than having to live without him cause the thought of that I cannot bear, Christmas, then his birthday, no way. I'm not doing that. On the other hand I have my children, who probably need me on some level but he didn't think of them? Or he did but he thought they'd be OK. Why do I have to carry the burden of worrying about them after I'm gone? It's so unfair. I feel so trapped, I feel like I am being forced to live a life of torment because it is considered selfish and cruel to take ones own life. But surely it is my life to do as I wish with? Surely if I want to press the power off button I should have the right to? I'm sorry I have said all this, I was trying to say I understand you not having any desire to live. And wonder if that's how he felt, I think he was so brave to do it, not a coward, not selfish, he finally took control of something and decided he'd had enough.