Don’t know how to adult without her

[bobbob]

God, she so was. Best person I’ve ever known, and the only one to ever make me feel like I was worth a damn.

Despite whatever pain I may be feeling, I know how lucky I am. Most people go their whole lives without ever feeling the kind of happiness she gave me. I could feel as awful as I do now for the rest of my life and it will still have been worth it.

tc man. and btw u are worth a damn. always will be. How she made you feel is how u are and that wont change. good person stays a good person even when hurting like hell. I have begun to realise that.

 

[Winter Blues]

I’ll PM you Gonz if that’s ok x

 

[Gonz]

I’ll PM you Gonz if that’s ok x

Yeah, of course.

 

[Paisley]

God, she so was. Best person I’ve ever known, and the only one to ever make me feel like I was worth a damn.

Despite whatever pain I may be feeling, I know how lucky I am. Most people go their whole lives without ever feeling the kind of happiness she gave me. I could feel as awful as I do now for the rest of my life and it will still have been worth it.

She's incredibly lucky to have had you in her life, too.

 

[Gonz]

She's incredibly lucky to have had you in her life, too.

I'm not sure that's the case, but thank you for saying that.

 

[Paisley]

I'm not sure that's the case, but thank you for saying that.

It's apparent to me that you love her more than words can convey. That's why I said what I did.

 

[Diesional]

Gonz, I give you much sympathy for your loss. As badly as things have turned out, the fact that you two were able to find each other, have that kind of fearless bond, and make a charm against the dark like that is incredible.

I couldn’t fathom the depths of what you’ve gone through. All I can say is that I think it’s a good idea to keep paying your respects to your wife as you’ve been doing, and I think it’s also good to find little ways to affirm yourself. After all, this good person loved you for a reason, and saw your humanity beyond all the things others had conditioned you to hide or harshly define yourself by; and you were there for her too. I once read a professional therapist say something along the lines of, “When people can openly talk about the secrets of their pain, that’s a love story,” and that quote popped in my head when I read your story about you and your wife. Maybe in affirming the both of you you can find a way to at least let yourself still enjoy little things and recall parts of yourself that she helped you see.

 

[Gonz]

“When people can openly talk about the secrets of their pain, that’s a love story,”

I really like that.

 

[Winter Blues]

Gonz, I give you much sympathy for your loss. As badly as things have turned out, the fact that you two were able to find each other, have that kind of fearless bond, and make a charm against the dark like that is incredible.

I couldn’t fathom the depths of what you’ve gone through. All I can say is that I think it’s a good idea to keep paying your respects to your wife as you’ve been doing, and I think it’s also good to find little ways to affirm yourself. After all, this good person loved you for a reason, and saw your humanity beyond all the things others had conditioned you to hide or harshly define yourself by; and you were there for her too. I once read a professional therapist say something along the lines of, “When people can openly talk about the secrets of their pain, that’s a love story,” and that quote popped in my head when I read your story about you and your wife. Maybe in affirming the both of you you can find a way to at least let yourself still enjoy little things and recall parts of yourself that she helped you see.

This is a truky beautiful response @Diesional . Gonz - take care lovely. You are very much loved on here xx

 

[Gonz]

This is a truky beautiful response @Diesional

It really is. This in particular has stuck in my head

a charm against the dark

because it’s exactly what our relationship was to me.

 

[Winter Blues]

It really is. This in particular has stuck in my head



because it’s exactly what our relationship was to me.

Hold on to that Gonz. So many, many folk never ever get to experience that kind of love. You are in my heart xx

 

[Gonz]

I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I need her I fucking need her!

 

[may71]

I wish I could help somehow Gonz. I'm sorry you're in so much pain.

Wishing you good things.

 

[Aurelia]

Hey, man. I'm so fucking sorry for how you must be feeling today. There's nothing I can say or do, but I'm thinking of you, wishing you didn't have to feel this way. I know how I'd feel in your place, and even just imagining it bring tears to my eyes. You're one of the strongest people I know for dealing with this pain.

 

[sinking_ship]

Sending you some extra strength to get through today

 

[Pebble mouse]

I don't know what to say man You've been through so much. Life can be unfair, sometimes some of us cop more than our fair share. I hope you pull through this pain.

 

[Gonz]

You're one of the strongest people I know for dealing with this pain.

I don’t feel that way. I mean, I was always kinda messed up, but this fucking broke me. All I’m doing now now is minimizing pain and waiting to die; where’s the strength in that?

 

[Aurelia]

I don’t feel that way. I mean, I was always kinda messed up, but this fucking broke me. All I’m doing now now is minimizing pain and waiting to die; where’s the strength in that?

In the fact that you're not actually killing yourself, despite wanting to. That takes strength. A lot of it.

Hey, just a randomish question for you. If hypothetically, you knew your wife would be in jail for the next 5 years or so, would you feel suicidal? I mean, you'd get her back eventually, but do you think you'd be able to stand it that long until then?

 

[Gonz]

In the fact that you're not actually killing yourself, despite wanting to. That takes strength. A lot of it.

Hey, just a randomish question for you. If hypothetically, you knew your wife would be in jail for the next 5 years or so, would you feel suicidal? I mean, you'd get her back eventually, but do you think you'd be able to stand it that long until then?

Yeah, I guess. I mean, over the last couple years, I’ve learned the limits of what I can endure are farther than I’d thought. I’ll grant that. But, at the same time, I also know I’ve reached those limits and I have nothing left in reserve.

I could. That’s one thing I know, that I could get through anything if I knew I’d get to see her at the end of it. I’d be miserable from missing her, but not suicidal, especially knowing that she’d be waiting for me too.

 

[Aurelia]

Yeah, I guess. I mean, over the last couple years, I’ve learned the limits of what I can endure are farther than I’d thought. I’ll grant that. But, at the same time, I also know I’ve reached those limits and I have nothing left in reserve.

I could. That’s one thing I know, that I could get through anything if I knew I’d get to see her at the end of it. I’d be miserable from missing her, but not suicidal, especially knowing that she’d be waiting for me too.

Yeah, I feel the same. I feel like I'd definitely want to die, but would know that I couldn't because he'd still be waiting for me.

And dude, touché as far as what you can endure being more than you thought. I've learned the same. It doesn't make it hurt any less to have to endure it, but somehow I'm still here. And so are you. That's got to mean something, right?