Lately, as in the last 6 months, I have become fixated on finding a romantic relationship. Never had one before. I can recognize that it won't fix all my problems, but it seems an integral part of human experience for most people. It seems mostly pleasant, but I only understand it in theory. A big problem I am encountering is that I have low self-esteem and high standards. I'll start with what I think I want. I want to find someone I'm attracted to and enjoy being around. That's difficult, because people like that typically have someone already or someone vying for them. I have very little value on the 'dating market'( I am working to improve this, but still..). So I have not encountered the person I am attracted to and feels the same yet. I noticed I can like someone's personality, but not be attracted to them for a physical reason. It upsets me because it's shallow. It's the opposite of love. It makes me feel incapable of it. This is all further complicated by my low self-esteem. I noticed I am become significantly less attracted to people who express interest in me. At best I feel pity for them that they think they can't do any better and at worst I lose respect for them for stooping so low. I feel I am a worthless person through and through and they are really foolish if they can't see that. I realize there is a fallacy in here. Something's missing in this equation. I really want love, though. This plight has caused me to lose friends and led me to some unforunate places, including online dating. I'm wondering if I should go back there, but I'm really not sure it has what I'm looking for or if I even know what I'm looking for. Or if I need this right now? I'm only writing this because I'm stuck in traffic.