dont know what to do

[wsu]

When I was in 4th or 5th grade I used to like a girl. (she didn't like me back) I was young at the time so I was foolish and cried about it for approximately 3 months. Some background information about me is that I have always been introverted so I always struggle to talk to people I meet. Ever since I was young, I have never found an occupation/job I would like to major in and I'm kind of lost in life. Last year, I liked a girl but throughout the whole year, I never talked to her. I was too scared to talk to her because I always feared that I would say something bad or stutter and it would just end up like what happened in 4th-5th grade. So I got her number from her friend and got rejected. (she was really nice) The only issue is that I hate myself for being the way I am and I just want to kill myself. I wish someone could care about me. I keep having thoughts of <mod edit method/self harm >, and anything that would make me forget about my sadness. Even my brother tells me to kill myself. I just want to be happy but I just don't know how. Nothing ever makes me happy anymore. I don't have a reason to live anymore but I want to live, I just don't know why.
edit: i tried working out a few weeks ago as someone suggested.

 

[1Lefty]

Hi wsu

Welcome to SF!
We're a supportive community, helping each other stay alive
We care, and we're not judgmental
This is a safe place,
I hope you'll continue posting as much as you're comfortable with

peace

 

[Sassy Cat]

When I was in 4th or 5th grade I used to like a girl. (she didn't like me back) I was young at the time so I was foolish and cried about it for approximately 3 months. Some background information about me is that I have always been introverted so I always struggle to talk to people I meet. Ever since I was young, I have never found an occupation/job I would like to major in and I'm kind of lost in life. Last year, I liked a girl but throughout the whole year, I never talked to her. I was too scared to talk to her because I always feared that I would say something bad or stutter and it would just end up like what happened in 4th-5th grade. So I got her number from her friend and got rejected. (she was really nice) The only issue is that I hate myself for being the way I am and I just want to kill myself. I wish someone could care about me. I keep having thoughts of <mod edit method/self harm >, and anything that would make me forget about my sadness. Even my brother tells me to kill myself. I just want to be happy but I just don't know how. Nothing ever makes me happy anymore. I don't have a reason to live anymore but I want to live, I just don't know why.
edit: i tried working out a few weeks ago as someone suggested.

I am sorry you are feeling so low and yes working out can give you good endorphins but it is not going to magically make you feel better. good to do but not an answer to help you stop hurting

 

[SamB]

You aren’t alone and it’s OK to be who you are but if you aren’t happy then making some practical changes might help.
Social skills are just like any other skill, you will have an innate ability from your genetics but you can also get better through training and practice.
Think of it like an exam, you wouldn’t just turn up on the day without doing any studying and you’d likely also take a few practice exams before so you got the hang of things.
It’s the same with socialising and meeting girls, start small and keep practicing and pushing yourself.

 

[nicktheundoer]

When I was in 4th or 5th grade I used to like a girl. (she didn't like me back) I was young at the time so I was foolish and cried about it for approximately 3 months. Some background information about me is that I have always been introverted so I always struggle to talk to people I meet. Ever since I was young, I have never found an occupation/job I would like to major in and I'm kind of lost in life. Last year, I liked a girl but throughout the whole year, I never talked to her. I was too scared to talk to her because I always feared that I would say something bad or stutter and it would just end up like what happened in 4th-5th grade. So I got her number from her friend and got rejected. (she was really nice) The only issue is that I hate myself for being the way I am and I just want to kill myself. I wish someone could care about me. I keep having thoughts of <mod edit method/self harm >, and anything that would make me forget about my sadness. Even my brother tells me to kill myself. I just want to be happy but I just don't know how. Nothing ever makes me happy anymore. I don't have a reason to live anymore but I want to live, I just don't know why.
edit: i tried working out a few weeks ago as someone suggested.

Idk what to say..I care for you..you're a wonderful young man..I'm pretty sure many girls would want to talk to you as you age..just love yourself..You're a good person, isn't that enough? I'm sorry about your brother..sorry. I never spoke to a girl..so, can't give advice..Stay,my friend..don't worry..your pain will come down..we're here if you want to talk..HUGSSSS🫂🫂

 

[Survivorist]

What ?

Even my brother tells me to kill myself.

OK you are very closed, introverted and sometimes afraid of others. Understandable. But if my brother would tell me something like that, I would most probably hit him until he cannot stand up any longer. That could be the first time in your life, you do something that makes you feel free. Fight.

Wish you power man. Sadness will not help. Courage.

 

[wsu]

But if my brother would tell me something like that, I would most probably hit him until he cannot stand up any longer. That could be the first time in your life, you do something that makes you feel free. Fight.

Wish you power man. Sadness will not help. Courage.

Then what do I get out of that? My parents care about my brother more than me. There are so many people in this world that hate me, and I hate them too.
All I do in life is go to school and eat food. 0 purpose in life.

 

[Addicted]

Hey wsu. Welcome. First of all - I feel for you. I struggle with self-esteem a lot, though I have improved significantly by choice.
I don't know much about anything, I am not an expert on anything, not a psychologist, and so on.
All I can offer are opinions.
You absolutely do not have to feel ashamed of yourself for being an introvert. I was very extroverted as a kid, then became introverted when depression hit at the age of 14, quite shy, and then became an ambivert later on.
Introverts are different from ambiverts and extroverts, but equal. One advantage I had when I was introverted was - I had a lot of time to think about philosophy, and it was fun and interesting, and it kept the inner negativity away, at least temporarily.
As an extrovert, I had no interest in philosophy, my mindset was pretty shallow.
Introverts can be deep thinkers, and that is admirable.
Let me know if you want me to contribute more. Feel free to DM me, or start a conversation with me in the forums 1 on 1 as well, whichever you prefer.
I know it can be hard to talk to someone new, I've been there. But you would be surprised how quickly you can become comfortable with someone. If you don't like me, you can block me or ignore me, and that's totally fine, you have every right to do so.
Again, you have my sympathy, and I wish improvement for you as well.
Peace.

 

[Livelife]

Then what do I get out of that? My parents care about my brother more than me. There are so many people in this world that hate me, and I hate them too.
All I do in life is go to school and eat food. 0 purpose in life.

I'm sorry you are having these kinds of experiences. I like some the suggestions here, like starting small and studying some on how to exchange with others, one person at a time even. Or for short periods in a small group. Are you ok participating when you do group assignments in school, if that ever happens?
The hate won't ever be a help. I understand this emotion and it took time years ago for me to really get that it was in my way on many levels and only hurtful to ME. Whether it's family focused or towards people or groups of people out in the world. Getting that emotion out of your head and body would possibly be a help for you for being able to attain some happiness or some purpose. You said something that is really important....You said you want to live. That's a vital thing to have already in place and glad to hear you say it.

 

[may71]

Sorry that you're going through this.

The only issue is that I hate myself for being the way I am and I just want to kill myself. I wish someone could care about me.

Do you feel like if you were less introverted and had a romantic relationship that you wouldn't want to kill yourself?

Even my brother tells me to kill myself.

That's really awful. I wish people wouldn't say things like that, it's really criminal.

 

[wsu]

then became introverted when depression hit at the age of 14, quite shy

im currently 14 tho been like this for 1-2 years

Or for short periods in a small group. Are you ok participating when you do group assignments in school, if that ever happens?
.

i hate group assignments, depending on the class, i'll usually do all the work to prevent working with others.

Do you feel like if you were less introverted and had a romantic relationship that you wouldn't want to kill yourself?

i dont even know at this point, i dont know what i want anymore

 

[may71]

Wsu, you haven't explicitly asked for advice, but if you'd like I could try to offer some. It's also ok if you don't want that.

I'm sorry that you feel so hated and that you want to kill yourself.

A lot of people have a difficult life when they're young but are able to have a better life later on. I hope that you can be one of those people.

 

[KM76710]

@wsu
Sad that you things are not going well for you, but glad you found the forum. I am also glad that you do want to live and I hope we will be able to give you reasons that will help you here because you are a part of the group now and I hope that you will continue returning. This is a great site for support.

 

[Lucas Milonga]

Please be patient. Life is long. Sorry you feel that way. There are some readings about social skills that could be usefull. Group activities, like music practice, are usefull too.

 

[Atreides]

I felt a lot like you at your age. I was real shy and girls didn't really like me. I was surprised how that drastically changed after I graduated high school and went to college. I suddenly became very social and found myself dating several girls. My point is things can change quite a bit over time. And please don't worry too much about what career you want to go into. Most people your age don't know what they want to do. Many think they know what they want to do, but they find out they really don't. So in a sense you're ahead of everyone else because you know you don't know what you want to do. Things like career paths come to us through years of self-discovery. And you have many years of self-discovery ahead of you. I wish you the best of luck. And please don't worry about the future. If I could go back in time, I would tell my younger self not to worry about the future and girls and things like that. Remember SF is here for you.

 

[BRADY33]

When I was in 4th or 5th grade I used to like a girl. (she didn't like me back) I was young at the time so I was foolish and cried about it for approximately 3 months. Some background information about me is that I have always been introverted so I always struggle to talk to people I meet. Ever since I was young, I have never found an occupation/job I would like to major in and I'm kind of lost in life. Last year, I liked a girl but throughout the whole year, I never talked to her. I was too scared to talk to her because I always feared that I would say something bad or stutter and it would just end up like what happened in 4th-5th grade. So I got her number from her friend and got rejected. (she was really nice) The only issue is that I hate myself for being the way I am and I just want to kill myself. I wish someone could care about me. I keep having thoughts of <mod edit method/self harm >, and anything that would make me forget about my sadness. Even my brother tells me to kill myself. I just want to be happy but I just don't know how. Nothing ever makes me happy anymore. I don't have a reason to live anymore but I want to live, I just don't know why.
edit: i tried working out a few weeks ago as someone suggested.

Hey dude. Im a 55 year old man. But if you just need someone to run sht by, im avaliable most any time.

 

[KM76710]

Hey dude. Im a 55 year old man. But if you just need someone to run sht by, im avaliable most any time.

Good to see that you have joined and are posting with us. This is a good and fine place and members to just chat with, get to know and offer up support and advice, both giving and receiving.

 

[Innocent Forever]

I'm wondering if you could speak to the school counsellor and get guidance.
You make sense.

 

[wsu]

I'm wondering if you could speak to the school counsellor and get guidance.
You make sense.

what would that do? my English teacher knew that I was feeling depressed and told my parents. i just lied to them. not like they would care anyways. still feeling the same way. don't wanna die a painful death but don't want to keep living. i guess I'm getting better. at least I don't cry every day. mood swings Ig, some days feel low, some days feel a better. i don't know why I'm sad or low anymore

 

[wsu]

now i want to kill my dad, my whole family, everyone around me and then kms