Hey Winter, I'm sorry you're in such a bad place right now
I know how much it hurts when people manipulate you, or let you down. The emotional pain feels like it will rip you apart. And it's so difficult to deal with. If we have a physical pain we can take a painkiller, but unfortunately ibuprofen doesn't work on emotional pain. Other people are the source of so much hurt, but ultimately that just demonstrates that we are loving, kind people. If we didn't care it wouldn't hurt so much.
Anyway, I'm rambling. What am I trying to say... well I feel your pain. I've been there. Sometimes, when the pain is raw, it feels like it will never go away, but I've learnt that it lessens with time. We all have to find our own coping strategies, whether that's medication, therapy, mindfulness, being artistic or having a hobby or whatever it may be. I have learnt to cope with a combination of these, but I still have dark days when I am reminded of the pain that others have inflicted.
Winter, you know that I love you. You most certainly are NOT a waste of space. You are a wonderful human being. The loving kindness you show to others on SF is amazing. You will find a way to cope with your pain. Have you sought any professional help?
Anyway, keep going my lovely. We are all here right beside you, walking your journey with you. We will support you and catch you if you fall. Things WILL get better and laughter WILL return to your soul. Lots of love and big hugs xxx