It's been a while since I've been on this site but now I feel the need of support once again.
I've lived with depression for five-six years now and the last two I've developed anxiety but I think I've been doing well despite this so far. Now I've been going to university for a bit over a month, the last two weeks though I've been seriously considering suicide. It's odd because I thought I had considered this many times through these years but this time it feels so different. This time, combined with just feeling plain awful, I also have this intense pain in my stomach, the kind when you have to do something you don't want to do (if you understand the kind I mean) just much, much stronger. It's so strong that I can never forget it. Everyday the pain is there. I also think about how I should kill myself at least twenty times a day. It's like every time I'm having a conversation or if I miss my bus or when I sit in the classroom or just when I wake up in the morning I think about it. Also when I do stuff that usually makes me happy. It's also hard doing home assignments because I'm in so much pain not just psycological but also what feels physical. I've been told that this pain might be because of stress but I think I actually really enjoy doing homework and going to class which is the reason why I don't understand why I'm feeling like this. I've begun going to therapy three months ago but I have to wait more than a month for our next session because she's busy and I'm really scared. I don't think I really want to die but I really, really want to die right now if that somehow makes sense.
I'm sorry this became a long rant. Don't do drugs and stay in school.
I've lived with depression for five-six years now and the last two I've developed anxiety but I think I've been doing well despite this so far. Now I've been going to university for a bit over a month, the last two weeks though I've been seriously considering suicide. It's odd because I thought I had considered this many times through these years but this time it feels so different. This time, combined with just feeling plain awful, I also have this intense pain in my stomach, the kind when you have to do something you don't want to do (if you understand the kind I mean) just much, much stronger. It's so strong that I can never forget it. Everyday the pain is there. I also think about how I should kill myself at least twenty times a day. It's like every time I'm having a conversation or if I miss my bus or when I sit in the classroom or just when I wake up in the morning I think about it. Also when I do stuff that usually makes me happy. It's also hard doing home assignments because I'm in so much pain not just psycological but also what feels physical. I've been told that this pain might be because of stress but I think I actually really enjoy doing homework and going to class which is the reason why I don't understand why I'm feeling like this. I've begun going to therapy three months ago but I have to wait more than a month for our next session because she's busy and I'm really scared. I don't think I really want to die but I really, really want to die right now if that somehow makes sense.
I'm sorry this became a long rant. Don't do drugs and stay in school.
