enough is enough.......

[***LEA***]

I' soooooo tired, both mentally and physically. I'm sorry to keep going on about it all the time, can't seem to think about anything else....thats all! You guys are the only ones i can talk to about it all because you understand......i hope.:unsure:
I am sick of having to be strong.
I am sick of having to pretend all the time.
I am sick of being boring.
I am sick of only having ONE topic of conversation.
I am sick of disappointing you all all the time, sorry.
I am sick of pain.
I am sick of being bad.
And, I am sick of not being able to do anything about it!!!!
Lets face it i'm just sick!!!!! lol
I turned my mobile off today cos I dont want to talk to anyone I know personally, don't want to pretend anymore that things are ok, they are not. I did a terrible thing this morning. My Mum came to visit me and i didn't answer the door. She is 76 and caught a bus to get here and I ignored her. Thats bad isn't it, really bad.:sad:
I ty so hard not to be bad but i am doing bad things more often lately. On Friday my friend was buried and I didn't even go to the funeral
You don't have to respond to this, I'm just sounding off. Sorry!
Lea x x x x
Oh yeah, I am sick of hiding behind a user name too!
x x x x

 

[Old_Man_Kensey]

You need to be more tolerant and less <Mod.Edit Jodi>..Stop <Mod. Edit Jodi>.We all go through great pain...I think the greatest difference between depressed people and "normal" people is that the first have quited, they ve let pain gain control.What you did to your mum was really <Mod.Edit Jodi>for my liking, u need to find ways to avoid or tolerate awkward situations without hurting people

 

[Terry]

Ah hun, we all get days where all we want to do is hide (having a dose of that meself) and have you noticed, the more you need to be alone the more people seem to seek you out!!!!

You're not being bad or evil or whatever, you're just trying to avoid any stress.
Your mum will survive one day of not seeing you, take the time you need to recuperate.

 

[***LEA***]

I dont think i am punishing people and i know im not full of hate. maybe i am intolerant i dont know, but i hope not. i'm just running and avoiding.................................................................................................................................................... x x x x

 

[kath]

Hey there Lea glad your tired of hiding behind a user name.Its nice to know a bit more about who people are!!!!!i often wonder if i should have just used a shortedr name of my full name as my user name for this forum which is waht ive done - sometimes i wonder if i should but it does have some benefits for me and its nice to know a ittle more about you too.[what you want to share of course!]

Well Lea i dont think your cruel of full of hate or punishing people.Old Man Kensey i can understnd where you are coming from but i dont think you know as much as someone of us aobut what Lea is going through right now [and of course its not your fault you dont know,not your fault one bit!!] but the additional info i have means i cant agree with your perspective.

Lea i think your having a really hard time at the moment.i understand what you did today.i do that kind of thing sometimes when things are getting on top of me.This is not as much of a problem for your Mother than if you end up dead from when youve done so please dont worry aobut this out of proportion........yes it may have inconvienced her but its not like you did it for no reason really please worry about this and apologise later if you feel the need but you must focus on other things now like life and death.

Please dont let this relatively side issue [in this particular sitauion] take over right now hun ok.........Hugs xxxx

 

[***LEA***]

i hear ya kath.:sad:

 

[Jodi]

hadenuff62,

Just wanted to send you out some hugs and hope you stick around and keep us up to date on how oyur doing!!!! :hug: ......Jodi

 

[***LEA***]

thanks jodi:hug:

 

[kath]

YOu not having a good day Lea??Wanna talk hun.?im still trying chat.Big hugs.