everything is such a disappointment

[Mandeemoo]

I'm 19 and I go to a great college and I hate everything. Ever since I was little, I have always had these intense fantasies about celebrities and I would create imaginary friends in my head because the ones that I had in real life just weren't good enough. I still do this all the time. I'm 19 and I still have imaginary friends. I lay in my bed all the time and just fantasize about Hugh Laurie (i know, i'm so lame) and then when I am forced to snap back into reality, I realize that everything that I like is fake and reality is just a huge disappointment. I have friends at college, but lately I hate everything that I like (if that makes any sense). It literally pains me so much that my fantasy life will never be my real life. It will never happen and I just want to throw up thinking about it. basically don't want to live in this world at all because I feel so lonely that I have to resort to these ridiculous daydreams constantly. I will always be disappointed with my friends and anyone else I have in my life in the future because they will never live up to these fantasies that I have of these fake people that I want so desperately to be real.
I never want to get any older because I'm terrified of being on my own. I like that my parents take care of everything for me, even though I don't really get along with them. I want to just end everything right now so that I don't have to keep living this disappointment. I am so stressed about nothing in particular and everytime I look out the window, I wonder what would happen if I just jumped. I'm sitting here trying to write a paper for my literature class and I just want to die. I can't focus. I can never focus on anything. Just even attempting suicide right now seems like the best idea possible.

 

[Jodi]

Mandeemoo,

so sorry your having such a difficult time right now.....real glad your here with us.....I think alot of us can relate to fantasizing...I know i can.....do you have a therapist?....do you journal these fantacies? sometimes we all need a little help along the way....its ok....lean on us as much as you need to....hope you feel better soon....we're here for you.....-Jodi

 

[Mandeemoo]

I do have a therapist and I've talked to her about the fantasies. I have written a few of them down, but I usually just don't feel like it.

But gosh, you seem so nice. :sad: I wish people irl were like you all.

 

[Valiant]

I've had tons of fantasy fazes:

1. I wanted to fly.
2. I wanted to change into animals.
3. I want to be rich and famous.

We all have fantasies, but they'll jut come and go.

 

[Mandeemoo]

i wish they would just come and go. i have had the same ones continuously for the past 7 years. i wish i could just get over it, but at the same time, i don't want to because then i'd have to live in the real world all of the time and as we all know, that sucks.

 

[Jodi]

Mandeemoo,

tell ya what buddy, if it helps you out, ive never heard them, i wouldnt mind listening if you feel you need to share them ....feel free my friend...we're here for ya.... :hug: and as for the real world....well ya sum sucks...but some is isnt so bad....right....you got friends, family, "US" :biggrin: , what can we do to help?.....take care.....