I failed again. I first tried to end everything 4 months ago.<Mod Edit: Methods> I went to bed. Sometime after that, a couple hours later, I was hallucinating and I don't remember what happened but I woke up my aunt and uncle who called a crisis center. They said I needed to go to ER. I ended up in ICU for over 2 weeks with a failed liver. I hallucinated the whole first week. I was fine for a while. They didn't put me anywhere. Once out of the ICU I was transferred to another room for another 10 days. I was angry for a while because it hadn't worked. I never thought I'd try again till I found myself on the kitchen floor with a knife. <Mod Edit: Graphic> They were supposed to be sleeping. I wasn't thinking and I wasn't crying I was just done. Over not sleeping, over the nightmares, the freezing cold sweats. Always shaking and feeling like my heart is breaking, sick to my stomach, migraines. Physically I'm healthy. Mentally most days I'm locked in a dark room by choice. My family wanted me to go into a facility tonight. Through ER kept me and wanted me to go to. There were no facilities with any openings. Thank god I guess but part of me was dissapointed. Wondering if they could have helped. PTSD is killing me. I can't live like this. I'm not sorry. I want to be. Maybe in a couple weeks. I'm running out of ways to try. The first was easiest. It didn't hurt. I don't want to feel anything when I do it.