Failing my Transitioning twice and how I wish I could of went through with it.

[Kai Nashi]

I failed to transition to female twice. Both times I tried dressing feminine and stuff but It all eventually ended. Reaons ususally are family, fear of hatecrime and ridicule, and how I hate my own self appearence. I look ugly I think. It sucks that ill never get to be myself and ive had these thoughts since I was 16 (can find mentions of it in my diary) and it just feels defeating that I gave up on transitioning. I wish i could wear women clothing and appear female but it wont happen and I will just have to suffer through life accepting that. I hate it. sometimes I think not being alive would be better than this.

 

[Lisa the Ferrociraptor]

I just wanted to voice that i can totally understand. Being trans feels like being stuck between a rock and a hard place. Either you stay in a state of self-denial and misery, or you choose to constantly play life on one of the hardest difficulties imaginable, knowing it'll all be a fight just to be seen and accepted. It's such a ridiculously unfair choice to have to make.

I also know what you mean about feeling ugly in the right gender. I was a reasonably attractive man, but i'm not much to look at as a woman, and it sucks to feel like you're making yourself less attractive to be happy. You're definitely not alone.

 

[foundlostsoul]

Hey, Kai and Lisa. That makes three of us who feel this