This is a REALLY long post. I genuinely understand if you don’t read it, no worries! I just want to get my thoughts and feelings out there. At least, out into words.
Hello, everyone. This happened a bit over a month ago (will be 2 months ago in a couple of weeks or so), and it’s been bothering me tonight yet again. This is a personal experience and I just wanted to rant, since I still feel hurt and angry (I did calm down a bit after listening to music and watching gameplay videos, though).
So, a few months ago, my friend confessed to me. Sure, I didn't want to date, but I still felt flattered. He knows that I feel repulsed but the thought of dating anyone since I was 12 — I’ve repeatedly stated that. I took his confession well, and while I said that I don’t want to date, I want to stay friends. He (seemingly) took it well, too.
One thing right off the bat that I want to mention is how I opened up to him about some aspects of my past, such as how my parents physically hurt me because of my grades and whatnot. I didn’t tell I’m everything, but I did share quite a bit. Thing is, I’m the person that would rather listen to other friends’ problems than to share my own. It’s very hard for me to open up to someone I know in real life or someone I’m friends with.
He knows about this, and yet, he used that information to try and trick me into moving into the same state he’s going to college for. The first time, I didn’t notice. When he changed the college he was going to and started hyping up that college’s state (and that college in general), and started to downplay the previous college he wanted to go to, that’s when I relaxed what he was doing. I won’t go into details, but he was trying to use information about how my parents hurt me and such to manipulate me into moving with him during college and going to that same college. It really hurt.
I opened up to this guy, I was extremely genuine and honest, and he used my past’s pain and hurt to try and he y his selfish desires realized. It sucks, to say the least. He was a close friend of mine.
With that set up, after he confessed to me, he started to push me everyday to date him, like a few days later. He even said “I’ll stop asking you to date me if you agree to go to prom with me”.
I said that sure, I can go — but I made it CRYSTAL CLEAR that we weee only going as friends. That this was completely platonic.
He still kept pushing for me to date him, but a bit less now (which means that it just wasn’t every single day from this point on).
Well, whatever, sure, I guess. I can handle this for a month or so, I thought. It was hard, but I tried to keep our friendship. I was stupid.
Prom rolls around, and it goes well. I invited my best friend as well, and for like the whole entire month leading up to prom, I was talking to all of my friend about how this other friend is excited to attend my school’s prom with all of us, and how I invited her. (Let’s call the friend who I invited as friend A). The friend who confessed to me (friend B) KNEW THAT I INVITED FRIEND A, since I told him MANY times leading up to prom in that one month window. We even talked about how we were going to prank her during prom. He absolutely, 110% knew she was gonna be there.
The next morning after prom, he texts me about how his parents are angry at me for “breaking his heart” and whatnot?? And I was, of course, EXTREMELY confused. Basically, he blamed me for “acting out of line” during prom(??) by not spending enough time with him, even though he invited me. He also said his parents were angry at me since they didn’t know that Friend A was going to be at prom as well. Well, that’s really the way I can summarize it to make sense. He started to curse me out, and insult me and my best friend, and out of sheer panic of losing Friend B, I started to apologize and beg for forgiveness.
Now, another thing I didn’t tell you about Friend B is how he openly admitted to wanting to see me angry and him and for me to curse him out. I think it’s a power thing, like a “I made you expreince such intense negative emotions” — he seems to enjoy doing that, specifically to me. His grin would grow wider everytime I’d get more annoyed or flat out angry at him, and he’s only stop or apologize after I almost blow up at him.
With that context given, he’d use my emotions later as leverage against me. He cursed out Friend A, and I didn’t want to make Friend B more angry as he was. I realized that he was being irrational, but I didn’t want to lose him as a friend (I was extremely stupid, I know. I genuinely know.), so I tried comforting Friend A and telling her how Friend B was also in the wrong.
A few days later, Friend A had a panic attack, and I comforted her and helped her get through it. At this point, I was extremely close to cut out Friend B out of my life, and was angry at him at that point (but I still thought I was in the wrong for prom for some reason??)
A few weeks after that, his “flirting” (which I blatantly told him I was uncomfortable by) turned extremely sexist and dehumanizing. I don’t want to repeat what he said, but if anyone asks in the replies, I could. It was disgusting, and I wanted to get into an argument with him, but I kept my emotions in check.
He even told me how if he wanted to, he could make my life hell by reminding me of my mistake and dangling it over my head. He was flat out trying to have control over me.
Well, all this comes to a head when his mom calls my parents a month after prom, and the truth comes to light.
Apparently, he had lied about not knowing that Friend A was going to attend the prom. Like, he flat out lied about that completely. I knew he was a big liar about things, but I didn’t think he’d go this far. He also apparently had his hopes up for some sort of romantic slow dance with me?? to which he knows I legitimately want to throw up at romantic things that include me, so I would’ve said no and felt SEVERELY uncomfortable. He KNEW, 110% just how severaly uncomfortable I was at the IDEA of anything romantic that has to do with me, even stuff like romantic hand holding. I friendly feel ill to my stomach, and he still had his hopes up for romantic things with me.
Not just that, but he also conveniently left out information about how this was going to be PURELT PLATONIC between us (and no, he absolutely did NOT just “forget”, I made sure to remind him EXTREMELY OFTEN about how this was 100% platonic). He painted a picture of how I agreed on a romantic prom date with him, and made it seem how I ditched him for Friend A.
Well, to put it lightly, I felt absolutely enraged. I felt legitimately furious. I don’t think I’ve ever felt more furious at a person I knew personally in real life before.
Now, I have a very, VERY good hold over my anger. I can even mask it really well, if I think the situation absolutely falls for it. Point is, no matter how angry I get, I still try to see the other’s point of view, and try to stay calm headed and rational, sympathetic, but also calmly stand by my points, but stay open minded. I’d say that I’m fairly good at it. I have on blown up on people with yelling and screaming out of anger a few times in my life.
However, for the next hour or so, I just angrily ranted and flat out SCREAMED about how he lied about me and my friend. He tried to make me feel worse for flat out just not wanting to date him. But more so than me, he hurt my FRIEND — when made her have a panic attack. He didn’t know about that, but I still felt enraged. His selfish actions have lead to me experiencing dread myself, hyperventilating often, and experiencing panic attacks myself. My mental health got worse, because I thought I did something awful, but all I did was hurt his ego by not wanting to go out with him.
We don’t talk anymore. I graduated high school a month ago (yay!!) and I won’t ever have to see or talk to him again. I explained the situation to Friend A immediately as I could get a hold of her (after letting her know what the subject matter was about and making sure she was okay with hearing about him), and she is feeling much better now.
I just feel so angry. He was a close friend of him for a good 6 years, and he both supported each other through hard times. We were in a semi similar situation with our families, and he basically relied on each other for support. It just hurts SO badly that he had to lie to me, about me, and about my other friend. I thought I could trust this guy, but apparently not. I expected him to care about me as a friend — as at least a PERSON. But he disregarded my boundaries so many times that it’s insane. I didn’t want to break it off, since I held onto the miniscule chance that he’ll come around to actually caring about me as a friend again, as more than just an “option on a dating sim he thinks is really cute” (that’s exactly what it felt like).
If you’ve read this far, thank you so, so much. This was really long, but I just wanted to rant. There’s some details I’m leaving out (mostly due to how long it has gotten already), but I’m glad you’ve read it if you’ve come this far. I’m sorry it’s
Hello, everyone. This happened a bit over a month ago (will be 2 months ago in a couple of weeks or so), and it’s been bothering me tonight yet again. This is a personal experience and I just wanted to rant, since I still feel hurt and angry (I did calm down a bit after listening to music and watching gameplay videos, though).
So, a few months ago, my friend confessed to me. Sure, I didn't want to date, but I still felt flattered. He knows that I feel repulsed but the thought of dating anyone since I was 12 — I’ve repeatedly stated that. I took his confession well, and while I said that I don’t want to date, I want to stay friends. He (seemingly) took it well, too.
One thing right off the bat that I want to mention is how I opened up to him about some aspects of my past, such as how my parents physically hurt me because of my grades and whatnot. I didn’t tell I’m everything, but I did share quite a bit. Thing is, I’m the person that would rather listen to other friends’ problems than to share my own. It’s very hard for me to open up to someone I know in real life or someone I’m friends with.
He knows about this, and yet, he used that information to try and trick me into moving into the same state he’s going to college for. The first time, I didn’t notice. When he changed the college he was going to and started hyping up that college’s state (and that college in general), and started to downplay the previous college he wanted to go to, that’s when I relaxed what he was doing. I won’t go into details, but he was trying to use information about how my parents hurt me and such to manipulate me into moving with him during college and going to that same college. It really hurt.
I opened up to this guy, I was extremely genuine and honest, and he used my past’s pain and hurt to try and he y his selfish desires realized. It sucks, to say the least. He was a close friend of mine.
With that set up, after he confessed to me, he started to push me everyday to date him, like a few days later. He even said “I’ll stop asking you to date me if you agree to go to prom with me”.
I said that sure, I can go — but I made it CRYSTAL CLEAR that we weee only going as friends. That this was completely platonic.
He still kept pushing for me to date him, but a bit less now (which means that it just wasn’t every single day from this point on).
Well, whatever, sure, I guess. I can handle this for a month or so, I thought. It was hard, but I tried to keep our friendship. I was stupid.
Prom rolls around, and it goes well. I invited my best friend as well, and for like the whole entire month leading up to prom, I was talking to all of my friend about how this other friend is excited to attend my school’s prom with all of us, and how I invited her. (Let’s call the friend who I invited as friend A). The friend who confessed to me (friend B) KNEW THAT I INVITED FRIEND A, since I told him MANY times leading up to prom in that one month window. We even talked about how we were going to prank her during prom. He absolutely, 110% knew she was gonna be there.
The next morning after prom, he texts me about how his parents are angry at me for “breaking his heart” and whatnot?? And I was, of course, EXTREMELY confused. Basically, he blamed me for “acting out of line” during prom(??) by not spending enough time with him, even though he invited me. He also said his parents were angry at me since they didn’t know that Friend A was going to be at prom as well. Well, that’s really the way I can summarize it to make sense. He started to curse me out, and insult me and my best friend, and out of sheer panic of losing Friend B, I started to apologize and beg for forgiveness.
Now, another thing I didn’t tell you about Friend B is how he openly admitted to wanting to see me angry and him and for me to curse him out. I think it’s a power thing, like a “I made you expreince such intense negative emotions” — he seems to enjoy doing that, specifically to me. His grin would grow wider everytime I’d get more annoyed or flat out angry at him, and he’s only stop or apologize after I almost blow up at him.
With that context given, he’d use my emotions later as leverage against me. He cursed out Friend A, and I didn’t want to make Friend B more angry as he was. I realized that he was being irrational, but I didn’t want to lose him as a friend (I was extremely stupid, I know. I genuinely know.), so I tried comforting Friend A and telling her how Friend B was also in the wrong.
A few days later, Friend A had a panic attack, and I comforted her and helped her get through it. At this point, I was extremely close to cut out Friend B out of my life, and was angry at him at that point (but I still thought I was in the wrong for prom for some reason??)
A few weeks after that, his “flirting” (which I blatantly told him I was uncomfortable by) turned extremely sexist and dehumanizing. I don’t want to repeat what he said, but if anyone asks in the replies, I could. It was disgusting, and I wanted to get into an argument with him, but I kept my emotions in check.
He even told me how if he wanted to, he could make my life hell by reminding me of my mistake and dangling it over my head. He was flat out trying to have control over me.
Well, all this comes to a head when his mom calls my parents a month after prom, and the truth comes to light.
Apparently, he had lied about not knowing that Friend A was going to attend the prom. Like, he flat out lied about that completely. I knew he was a big liar about things, but I didn’t think he’d go this far. He also apparently had his hopes up for some sort of romantic slow dance with me?? to which he knows I legitimately want to throw up at romantic things that include me, so I would’ve said no and felt SEVERELY uncomfortable. He KNEW, 110% just how severaly uncomfortable I was at the IDEA of anything romantic that has to do with me, even stuff like romantic hand holding. I friendly feel ill to my stomach, and he still had his hopes up for romantic things with me.
Not just that, but he also conveniently left out information about how this was going to be PURELT PLATONIC between us (and no, he absolutely did NOT just “forget”, I made sure to remind him EXTREMELY OFTEN about how this was 100% platonic). He painted a picture of how I agreed on a romantic prom date with him, and made it seem how I ditched him for Friend A.
Well, to put it lightly, I felt absolutely enraged. I felt legitimately furious. I don’t think I’ve ever felt more furious at a person I knew personally in real life before.
Now, I have a very, VERY good hold over my anger. I can even mask it really well, if I think the situation absolutely falls for it. Point is, no matter how angry I get, I still try to see the other’s point of view, and try to stay calm headed and rational, sympathetic, but also calmly stand by my points, but stay open minded. I’d say that I’m fairly good at it. I have on blown up on people with yelling and screaming out of anger a few times in my life.
However, for the next hour or so, I just angrily ranted and flat out SCREAMED about how he lied about me and my friend. He tried to make me feel worse for flat out just not wanting to date him. But more so than me, he hurt my FRIEND — when made her have a panic attack. He didn’t know about that, but I still felt enraged. His selfish actions have lead to me experiencing dread myself, hyperventilating often, and experiencing panic attacks myself. My mental health got worse, because I thought I did something awful, but all I did was hurt his ego by not wanting to go out with him.
We don’t talk anymore. I graduated high school a month ago (yay!!) and I won’t ever have to see or talk to him again. I explained the situation to Friend A immediately as I could get a hold of her (after letting her know what the subject matter was about and making sure she was okay with hearing about him), and she is feeling much better now.
I just feel so angry. He was a close friend of him for a good 6 years, and he both supported each other through hard times. We were in a semi similar situation with our families, and he basically relied on each other for support. It just hurts SO badly that he had to lie to me, about me, and about my other friend. I thought I could trust this guy, but apparently not. I expected him to care about me as a friend — as at least a PERSON. But he disregarded my boundaries so many times that it’s insane. I didn’t want to break it off, since I held onto the miniscule chance that he’ll come around to actually caring about me as a friend again, as more than just an “option on a dating sim he thinks is really cute” (that’s exactly what it felt like).
If you’ve read this far, thank you so, so much. This was really long, but I just wanted to rant. There’s some details I’m leaving out (mostly due to how long it has gotten already), but I’m glad you’ve read it if you’ve come this far. I’m sorry it’s
