Feeling depressed more than usual

[sadhart]

Sorry, I haven't been on here on a few weeks and so I feel kind of guilty doing so now. Last week marked six and a half years of sobriety. And as with most of my milestones so far, I struggle to feel it's much of an accomplishment. I just feel like I don't do enough in AA and not only that, I am still unhappy with certain aspects of my life.

Currently, I am trying to work through some things in my past with my therapist. But I'm not sure I'm making good progress with that. More so, there are certain frustrations in my life that just make getting up day to day feel so bleak.

I know I may not have explained this well or I'm sorry for coming off sounding melodramatic.

 

[may71]

I'm sorry you've been feeling so bad Sadhart.

Sorry, I haven't been on here on a few weeks and so I feel kind of guilty doing so now.

There's no requirement for anyone to be on SF more than they want to be. Please don't feel guilty.

Last week marked six and a half years of sobriety. And as with most of my milestones so far, I struggle to feel it's much of an accomplishment.

Congratulations on six and half years! It's an accomplishment even if it doesn't feel like one. A lot of people never get sober, or even try to. Even people who are trying often have a hard time even going a day a longer. Six and half years of sobriety is a great achievement in itself and also an indication that you're on the road to staying sober for life.

Currently, I am trying to work through some things in my past with my therapist. But I'm not sure I'm making good progress with that.

Are there particular things that make you feel like therapy isn't working? Do you feel like you're able to tell your therapist everything you want to without holding back?

I know I may not have explained this well or I'm sorry for coming off sounding melodramatic.

I think you explained things well, and you didn't come off sounding melodramatic. There's nothing to be sorry about.

 

[sadhart]

I'm sorry you've been feeling so bad Sadhart.

There's no requirement for anyone to be on SF more than they want to be. Please don't feel guilty.

Congratulations on six and half years! It's an accomplishment even if it doesn't feel like one. A lot of people never get sober, or even try to. Even people who are trying often have a hard time even going a day a longer. Six and half years of sobriety is a great achievement in itself and also an indication that you're on the road to staying sober for life.

Are there particular things that make you feel like therapy isn't working? Do you feel like you're able to tell your therapist everything you want to without holding back?


I think you explained things well, and you didn't come off sounding melodramatic. There's nothing to be sorry about.

Thank you. No, it's nothing wrong on my therapists' end. She has given me decent feedback. It's just me feeling I am not explaining things well.

Where I do feel I need to hold back is when it comes to my mother. I keep getting phonecards regarding a loan that she and my cousin took out for an emergency house repair. Almost everyday I'm getting a phone call from them and today I got a text that pretty much read like pay them or this will start to affect your credit. I know my mother’s social security disability check only goes so far, but I also know that my mother can be irresponsible and immature when it comes to accountability. I want so bad to express my frustration over this to her, but I know that she will just deflect anything I say back on me. I'm trying so hard to better myself and yet my mother has always been like this.

 

[may71]

I'm assuming this loan is one that you cosigned on?

It sounds like your mother will keep doing this as long as she can get away with it. I don't think you have to hold back if you're fed up with her.

Would you be ok with ending your relationship with your mother, or do you feel like it would be worthwhile to tolerate her causing a lot of trouble for you financially and otherwise in order to keep contact?

 

[sadhart]

I'm assuming this loan is one that you cosigned on?

It sounds like your mother will keep doing this as long as she can get away with it. I don't think you have to hold back if you're fed up with her.

Would you be ok with ending your relationship with your mother, or do you feel like it would be worthwhile to tolerate her causing a lot of trouble for you financially and otherwise in order to keep contact?

I'm not really in the best position to do that. I have definitely thought about it, but even if I were, I just wouldn't feel totally right. I know she has faults, but it's not all bad with her. I just wish she was more self aware. But I very much do want to confront her on these calls and texts I keep getting regarding this loan. But not right now because I am tired and I just want to deal with my priorities first.

 

[iloverachel]

6 and a half years is amazing and I am so proud of you! I am sorry you are not feeling so accomplished about it though. For me its 96 days of sobriety and it hasn't been easy at all but it is the most rewarding thing I ever done.
You have been sober for literally over 20 times longer than me, and that is so commendable and insanely good.

Hope you feel better soon

 

[Livelife]

Congratulations on the sobriety. It is a big deal. Good work.
The brain can eventually heal from it but for many it can take years to change physiologically depending on the amount of tissue damage.

 

[LumberJack]

Yeah buddy- 6.5 years is huge. Something worth celebrating… I know you probably don’t feel that way, but for me, it’s major. I am at 2.5 years, and I’m not too confident I will make it to 3. Alcohol doesn’t tempt me lately, but cannabis does.

I see that you are having other upsets going on. Sorry about your mother pestering you about the loan. I don’t have any suggestions on that. You said it’s not all bad with her, and yet based on things that I heard you say about her before, relating with her might be doing you more harm than good.

I am NOT suggesting any actions such as going no-contact, but I would do, and have done cost/benefit analysis on certain of my own relationships. If the relationship is more of a drag than a boost, maybe there are creative ways to mitigate the difficulties. Just a thought or three.

 

[kcrawley88]

Sorry, I haven't been on here on a few weeks and so I feel kind of guilty doing so now. Last week marked six and a half years of sobriety. And as with most of my milestones so far, I struggle to feel it's much of an accomplishment. I just feel like I don't do enough in AA and not only that, I am still unhappy with certain aspects of my life.

Currently, I am trying to work through some things in my past with my therapist. But I'm not sure I'm making good progress with that. More so, there are certain frustrations in my life that just make getting up day to day feel so bleak.

I know I may not have explained this well or I'm sorry for coming off sounding melodramatic.

i did not read your post with all due respect to various people i think sobriety from alcohol is putting alot of pressure on young people after the covid years it worked for some people who had very tricky meditative states for people who find meditation tricky upbringing in countries like northern ireland and scotland. i think this is due to generational trauma and a lack of infrastructure and employment in these countries in the last 30 years especially. due to industrialization. i do not know the country you live in as i did not read the post i have know or heard of too many people who did not choose life sam vaknin in northern ireland in the past decade it has scarred my brother 32 and i will see better funding in my country i hope you will see useful help and externals for young people wherever you live.
please buy a small book psychology of social media and know that life may not be what we want and yet we will get a fairer lot if under 40 as those over 40 have took umbrage too long since 2020 and long before that but def now you may feel similar in the country you live. hope this helps someone see that even someone with nothing to live for but a 41 year old autistic friend and a 59 year old schizophrenic friend no employment no means of saving no transport no partner no kids no health care if gets sick apparently is ok and you will be too.

please try alcohol moderation hypnosis youtube i am alone most of the time i spend time with an autistic friend of mine 41 whos mum died in may and a schizophrenic 59 who has lived in a very poor conditions since 2020.
i do my best one day at a life school of life you will too we die naturally one day having lived a life of good faith sam vaknin choose life not death

 

[kcrawley88]

you have explained your situation very well you may not be getting the right therapy
or your therapist may know that externals matter and cant be solved by therapy please look into EMDR THERAPY EMDR IAN IS A VERY GOOD EMDR THERAPIST IN MY COUNTRY AT EMDR IAN GREEN HOUSE WELL BEING HUB
. YOU CAN FIND HIM ON INSTAGRAM. IT MAY HELP TO PERSPECTIVE SHIFT OCCASIONALLY BUT NOT TOO MUCH SAM VAKNIN DO NOT BE TOO POSITIVE YOUTUBE. YOU ARENT BEING MELODRAMATIC IT IS NOT AN EASY WORLD TO DEAL WITH IN 2024 YOU WILL FIND YOUR OWN PATH. AND THERE WILL BE BETTER EXTERNALS AND SECURITY AND A BETTER FUTURE FOR YOU IN TIME. TRUST YOU ARE EXACTLY WHERE YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE RICHARD GRANNON WHO IS THE NARCISSISM EXPERT RICHARD GRANNON YOUTUBE. HOPE THIS HELPS SOMEONE STRUGGLING AS I AM I AM 36 AND THOUGHT LIFE WOULD BE MANAGEABLE HAVING MADE LOGICAL CHOICES AND BEING SELF DISCIPLINED AND USEFUL TO MYSELF AND OTHERS BUT MODERN NORTHERN IRELAND DOESNT REWARD IT APPARENTLY. IT WILL.

 

[sadhart]

6 and a half years is amazing and I am so proud of you! I am sorry you are not feeling so accomplished about it though. For me its 96 days of sobriety and it hasn't been easy at all but it is the most rewarding thing I ever done.
You have been sober for literally over 20 times longer than me, and that is so commendable and insanely good.

Hope you feel better soon

Congrats on the good progress you have achieved so far. I can't say it necessarily gets easier as time goes on, but yes, sobriety is rewarding. I think one of the most rewarding parts of it is knowing that despite not feeling all that great, I don't HAVE to drink even if I feel the need to. There is a sense of freedom in that.

 

[sadhart]

Yeah buddy- 6.5 years is huge. Something worth celebrating… I know you probably don’t feel that way, but for me, it’s major. I am at 2.5 years, and I’m not too confident I will make it to 3. Alcohol doesn’t tempt me lately, but cannabis does.

I see that you are having other upsets going on. Sorry about your mother pestering you about the loan. I don’t have any suggestions on that. You said it’s not all bad with her, and yet based on things that I heard you say about her before, relating with her might be doing you more harm than good.

I am NOT suggesting any actions such as going no-contact, but I would do, and have done cost/benefit analysis on certain of my own relationships. If the relationship is more of a drag than a boost, maybe there are creative ways to mitigate the difficulties. Just a thought or three.

Congratulations on your sobriety so far. I'm sorry that you fear that you won't make it to three years. I never like the saying 'one day at a time" and yet, it's reality that this is really the only way we get through life. So I suppose you just have to focus on the day that you are in and not so much six months from now. Sorry, I may not have said that in the best way.

I am right now trying to minimize my time around my mother. I really don't talk to her about my problems because she tends to either be dismissive or just doesn't understand. Doing that at least alleviates a little frustration when it comes to her.

 

[sadhart]

i did not read your post with all due respect to various people i think sobriety from alcohol is putting alot of pressure on young people after the covid years it worked for some people who had very tricky meditative states for people who find meditation tricky upbringing in countries like northern ireland and scotland. i think this is due to generational trauma and a lack of infrastructure and employment in these countries in the last 30 years especially. due to industrialization. i do not know the country you live in as i did not read the post i have know or heard of too many people who did not choose life sam vaknin in northern ireland in the past decade it has scarred my brother 32 and i will see better funding in my country i hope you will see useful help and externals for young people wherever you live.
please buy a small book psychology of social media and know that life may not be what we want and yet we will get a fairer lot if under 40 as those over 40 have took umbrage too long since 2020 and long before that but def now you may feel similar in the country you live. hope this helps someone see that even someone with nothing to live for but a 41 year old autistic friend and a 59 year old schizophrenic friend no employment no means of saving no transport no partner no kids no health care if gets sick apparently is ok and you will be too.

please try alcohol moderation hypnosis youtube i am alone most of the time i spend time with an autistic friend of mine 41 whos mum died in may and a schizophrenic 59 who has lived in a very poor conditions since 2020.
i do my best one day at a life school of life you will too we die naturally one day having lived a life of good faith sam vaknin choose life not death

If I read your post correctly, you're saying that I should give alcohol in moderation a chance? I have heard of such things and I know that this has helped some people deal with their alcoholism. But I don't believe trying to drink in moderation would be of any help to me. The reason is because there was no moderation in my past years of drinking. My purpose was to drink as much as I could and get drunk whenever possible.

Living really hurts. Today is a great example of that. But you know what feels kind of okay? It's the fact that despite how much life and living hurts, I don't have to drink over it. Oh at times I very much want to. But knowing that I don't have to, even though I have the freedom to do so is a rather empowering feeling.

 

[sadhart]

Sorry, I feel like I'm undermining other people's posts, but I am feeling really overwhelmed and discouraged today. I really hate how I can't find any relief from the hurt that I feel. Sorry for being vague, it's just been a difficult day.

 

[AvidFan]

Sorry, I feel like I'm undermining other people's posts, but I am feeling really overwhelmed and discouraged today. I really hate how I can't find any relief from the hurt that I feel. Sorry for being vague, it's just been a difficult day.

No need to apologise. Sorry you are feeling so overwhelmed and discouraged.

 

[iloverachel]

Hope you feel better soon my friend
We are here for you

 

[may71]

Sorry that you're feel so bad Sadhart

Sorry, I feel like I'm undermining other people's posts

Do you want to say why you feel this way?

 

[sadhart]

Sorry that you're feel so bad Sadhart

Do you want to say why you feel this way?

I'm sorry for the very late response. What I mean by that is I see other people's posts on here and many are struggling worse than me. And I just feel like sometimes my problems seem petty or something.

 

[may71]

I'm sorry for the very late response.

No worries. It's ok to reply when you want, and only if you want to.

What I mean by that is I see other people's posts on here and many are struggling worse than me. And I just feel like sometimes my problems seem petty or something.

There's no requirement that your problems have to be worse than anyone else's. Posting doesn't undermine anyone, because no one is required to read or respond to any post. If anyone thought your post was "taking away" from someone else, or they were preoccupied with other posts, they just wouldn't read or respond. If you're feeling bad and posting helps, you're using SF the way it was intended to be used.

[Note: Sometimes it takes a while to get a reply on SF, and also sometimes posts fall through the cracks (e.g., if someone double posts on their own thread, it gets bumped off the "threads with no replies" list and it looks like someone has already responded). I don't want anyone to think that not getting a reply, or a timely reply necessarily reflects some form of negative judgment about a post.]