Feeling very low and contemplating suicide

L

LOSTINSIGHT

Well-Known Member
#31
#31
Jezah81 said:
Hi everyone,

I haven't posted in a while. I don't think I know what to say, as words usually don't help my condition. I've tried everything within my means to heal both physically and mentally. I tried acupuncture, seeing a psychiatrist and psychologist. Tried two different antidepressants and CBT. nothing helps. Antidepressants have helped me sleep a little better even though the dreams wake me up mid sleep. I know my joints will just get worse and worse and I will never be able to do martial arts ever again which is what my mental well being revolves around. Nothing in life gives me as much joy as martial arts did . I don't like anything else and I can't force myself to enjoy anything else, I've tried . I can't work full time, I'm about $2000 in debt with my credit card because of a injection treatment I tried for about 5 weeks. I'm finally over it. Nothing is working. I'm tired of waking up everyday unable to enjoy myself. The situation with my girlfriend has gone from bad to worse. She's never had depression so she doesn't personally understand what I'm going through. My dad is has the same bullshit attitude that's it's not that bad, comparing me to my brother who has diabetes (so has it worse than me). I have a peaceful end of life method that I've stashed away for when this time would come . Please give me a valid reason why I shouldn't end my torture? I can't see myself living like this for the next few decades. I am forcing myself to go back and do security work 2 nights a week to make ends meat and pay off an unnecessary credit card debt that didn't achieve anything . It's a dangerous job for someone with my conditions. But I don't know what else I can do, this is all I've done all my life and nothing else interests me....I'm finally at my wits end
Click to expand...

I empathise deeply on so many levels ,,
I can barely get off the couch ,,looking at my ex that has recently dumped me ,,albeit I was ripped apart with guilt anyway.the fact you can work is a big thing ,,I know sounds patronising hey .If a dr could see my thoughts they'd go white.
Take care,
 
L

lozt boy

New Member
#35
#35
Jezah81 said:
Hi everyone,

I haven't posted in a while. I don't think I know what to say, as words usually don't help my condition. I've tried everything within my means to heal both physically and mentally. I tried acupuncture, seeing a psychiatrist and psychologist. Tried two different antidepressants and CBT. nothing helps. Antidepressants have helped me sleep a little better even though the dreams wake me up mid sleep. I know my joints will just get worse and worse and I will never be able to do martial arts ever again which is what my mental well being revolves around. Nothing in life gives me as much joy as martial arts did . I don't like anything else and I can't force myself to enjoy anything else, I've tried . I can't work full time, I'm about $2000 in debt with my credit card because of a injection treatment I tried for about 5 weeks. I'm finally over it. Nothing is working. I'm tired of waking up everyday unable to enjoy myself. The situation with my girlfriend has gone from bad to worse. She's never had depression so she doesn't personally understand what I'm going through. My dad is has the same bullshit attitude that's it's not that bad, comparing me to my brother who has diabetes (so has it worse than me). I have a peaceful end of life method that I've stashed away for when this time would come . Please give me a valid reason why I shouldn't end my torture? I can't see myself living like this for the next few decades. I am forcing myself to go back and do security work 2 nights a week to make ends meat and pay off an unnecessary credit card debt that didn't achieve anything . It's a dangerous job for someone with my conditions. But I don't know what else I can do, this is all I've done all my life and nothing else interests me....I'm finally at my wits end
Click to expand...
What is your peaceful end of life method? I need something like that too!
Sorry you are struggling so damn bad, I really feel you, especially with the martial arts. I box and it is the only thing that keeps me ticking over, even though I don't enjoy it anymore due to anehdonia, I'm just hoping if i keep doing stuff i like that my enjoyment will come back. But it hasn't and I'm at my wits end, I really need an end of the road plan.
 
Butterfly

Butterfly

Sim Addict
Safety & Support
SF Author
SF Supporter
#36
#36
lozt boy said:
What is your peaceful end of life method? I need something like that too!
Sorry you are struggling so damn bad, I really feel you, especially with the martial arts. I box and it is the only thing that keeps me ticking over, even though I don't enjoy it anymore due to anehdonia, I'm just hoping if i keep doing stuff i like that my enjoyment will come back. But it hasn't and I'm at my wits end, I really need an end of the road plan.
Click to expand...
We do not discuss methods here or share them
 
Jezah81

Jezah81

Well-Known Member
#37
#37
lozt boy said:
What is your peaceful end of life method? I need something like that too!
Sorry you are struggling so damn bad, I really feel you, especially with the martial arts. I box and it is the only thing that keeps me ticking over, even though I don't enjoy it anymore due to anehdonia, I'm just hoping if i keep doing stuff i like that my enjoyment will come back. But it hasn't and I'm at my wits end, I really need an end of the road plan.
Click to expand...
I had to google "anehdonia". I suffer from that too because of my depression and pains. There is only a little I enjoy like watching Netflix shows and movies.
 
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