I feel so ugly and disgusting, I'm skinnier now because all the food they make repulses me. I look like a skeleton. I feel like a gross monster anyhow, I just want to be touched kindly. A grasp of the hand or tap on the shoulder feels amazing, like I'm still a human being. What's worse is that now I'm seen as more attractice from my face, my clothes, my hair. I worry that if people could see my chest though they would despise it. I also wish I loved instead of lusted after, to dedicate myself to a person and their body, but all I do is consume. That's a problem with any sexuality lacking love, the partner doesn't care for you in your entirety, but is merely using your body. It's painful, I have bruises and scars on me because of a reckless sexuality. Can't anyone have us men be tender instead of being "studs"? Why do we have to be rough? Now I'm disgusted by women's bodies because of that, I feel like I'm nothing more than an object with my chasing instinct abused, abused by those women I dared to let take hold my mind and body.