Five months since my husband died

[Kiwi2016]

Missing you again today sweetheart. I've been doing much better. Finally find out what was causing my black outs and I've had surgery and so far doing well. I'm sure you're up there smiling down happy with how I'm progressing.
This year on my birthday I got out my momento box and started looking at the cards we had given each other. For once it didn't make me burst into tears. It's nice to have times now where I remember how happy we were.
Guess people will find it weird I'm writing to you here or maybe not but I find it a good way to connect with how I'm feeling.
Tonight I miss you. I miss the simple things, holding your hand, watching TV together, singing with you.
You'll always be in my heart, just the piece of you that you gave for me to keep. Thank you Dave me sweet husband.

Sending you s

 

[Holding my breath]

Missing you again today sweetheart. I've been doing much better. Finally find out what was causing my black outs and I've had surgery and so far doing well. I'm sure you're up there smiling down happy with how I'm progressing.
This year on my birthday I got out my momento box and started looking at the cards we had given each other. For once it didn't make me burst into tears. It's nice to have times now where I remember how happy we were.
Guess people will find it weird I'm writing to you here or maybe not but I find it a good way to connect with how I'm feeling.
Tonight I miss you. I miss the simple things, holding your hand, watching TV together, singing with you.
You'll always be in my heart, just the piece of you that you gave for me to keep. Thank you Dave me sweet husband.

Xx

 

[A_J_R]

Missing you again today sweetheart. I've been doing much better. Finally find out what was causing my black outs and I've had surgery and so far doing well. I'm sure you're up there smiling down happy with how I'm progressing.
This year on my birthday I got out my momento box and started looking at the cards we had given each other. For once it didn't make me burst into tears. It's nice to have times now where I remember how happy we were.
Guess people will find it weird I'm writing to you here or maybe not but I find it a good way to connect with how I'm feeling.
Tonight I miss you. I miss the simple things, holding your hand, watching TV together, singing with you.
You'll always be in my heart, just the piece of you that you gave for me to keep. Thank you Dave me sweet husband.

I read you original post this morning and found it so sad and yet so beautiful. I'm so sorry for your loss, but looks like you've found some strength. Sending love.

 

[Kira]

Guess people will find it weird I'm writing to you here or maybe not but I find it a good way to connect with how I'm feeling.

I think that it's a beautiful thing that you're sharing with us here. Plus, if it helps you connect with your feelings, then that's clearly a positive thing. Thinking of you and praying for your healing too. 💕 ox

 

[KM76710]

I don't find such sentiments weird in the slightest. It is both bad and good at the same time. Bad for the pain you feel, but good it showing your feelings for love shared. It is refreshing and cheering to know that people still hold that love with them.

 

[Lane]

 

[SillyOldBear]

I think we always carry our loved ones with us. Even long after they have died. My parents have been dead of over 30 years. They are still with me. I still love them. I would never want to lose that love.
I never did marry, do I can't say I really understand what it is like to lose a spouse. But I spent many hours talking to a 97 year old man who had lost his wife of 70 years. He has since passed as well. But he always carried the love of his wife, and yes, he missed her. But the treasure was all the years they shared together.

 

[MisterBGone]

Missing you again today sweetheart. I've been doing much better. Finally find out what was causing my black outs and I've had surgery and so far doing well. I'm sure you're up there smiling down happy with how I'm progressing.
This year on my birthday I got out my momento box and started looking at the cards we had given each other. For once it didn't make me burst into tears. It's nice to have times now where I remember how happy we were.
Guess people will find it weird I'm writing to you here or maybe not but I find it a good way to connect with how I'm feeling.
Tonight I miss you. I miss the simple things, holding your hand, watching TV together, singing with you.
You'll always be in my heart, just the piece of you that you gave for me to keep. Thank you Dave me sweet husband.

No, I love it!!! : ) it's Great. . . Keep at it, if you like it!! ; ) I Love it--

 

[Catch_22]

I met my husband just over five years ago. We connected in a way I thought would never happen for me. I was 35, and not looking for any sort of relationship. I had in a sense given up on life. He accepted me for who I was and I accepted him the same. If you like we were two broken halves with broken edges that perfectly matched to make a whole. He was the kindest, most humble person that I have ever know, and with his help I healed from my life and got better. I went into remission for four years from self harm and suicide attempts. We started a life together and supported each other and I felt loved. Truly loved. I had never felt loved before I met him, not even growing up as a child.
The beginning of this year he got sick, and was diagnosed with prostate cancer. Within two weeks he was too far gone for the doctors to be able to help and so the journey to his death began. From February until 5th July this year I cared for my husband as I watched the disease take him from me. He became less the man I married and more the disease. He was bedridden early May and I gave him round the clock care. I watched him become just like those men that came out of the concentration camps. All through that he was gracious, only once in our life together did he ever push me away or raise his hand and I know that was the medications and the disease, not the man I loved.
It seemed to take so long. At one stage he got a leg infection and I got told there was nothing they could do and the decision was made to stop active treatment. The doctors told me he would only likely last 2 days, seven at the mostly. But weeks later I took him home with me to die. Six long weeks after that he was in his final days. Not able to eat for weeks, and finally unable to drink or even suck fluid. Two days before his death, he uttered his finally words. He told me he loved me. Those words hurt so much now that i'm alone. On his final two days I spent hours with him, I sung to him hours on end. Knowing it was the last time I would be able to spend any time with him. On Friday the 5th of July at 2:50pm I knew it was time and so I turned off the music and I stopped singing. At 3:01pm he drew his final breath. I was alone.
Now my broken heart is not complete. My remission is broken and I am sick once again. I miss him so much but I am struggling to find a way to hang on without the part that completes me.
R.I.P. My love David Wootton I won't ever forget you, no matter how much it hurts

I don't want to cheapen this with my poor taste in words, but I am feeling chills reading you, my heart aches for you. What a beautiful love story you had with him. I can imagine how incredibly agonizing and despairing this must have been and still is. I thank you for sharing this, I am going to light a candle for him and the other people I read about today. Nobody should have to suffer so, and I just want you to know you gave him the greatest gift. Those last days were the disease, he went to rest while that was happening. My head is down in sorrow. I don't know how you keep your feet moving from day to day, but I am proud of you for doing so.
My deepest condolences. Please hang in there.

 

[Fleury Dragon]

I don't want to cheapen this with my poor taste in words, but I am feeling chills reading you, my heart aches for you. What a beautiful love story you had with him. I can imagine how incredibly agonizing and despairing this must have been and still is. I thank you for sharing this, I am going to light a candle for him and the other people I read about today. Nobody should have to suffer so, and I just want you to know you gave him the greatest gift. Those last days were the disease, he went to rest while that was happening. My head is down in sorrow. I don't know how you keep your feet moving from day to day, but I am proud of you for doing so.
My deepest condolences. Please hang in there.

Thank you so much. I appreciated the thought you put into responding. Really brought tears to my eyes.

 

[Catch_22]

Thank you so much. I appreciated the thought you put into responding. Really brought tears to my eyes.

remember to take time out throughout the day to breathe and connect with nature. I still feel your words too, I keep sitting here imagining what it must be like. When my cat passed, she was my kid. And when she passed last year, I did the same thing you did. I'm sorry to compare this to you, it's just I couldn't help but think of her when you described his last days and the care you gave him. Very similar to my experience with her. I can't fathom what you had to do and what he had to go through. I just want to cry. Can you come over? J/k but if you were, I would probably hug you. Please follow those tears with memories of joy that you two shared and some comfort food or a bath.

 

[Catch_22]

Thank you so much. I appreciated the thought you put into responding. Really brought tears to my eyes.

I don't know what's wrong with me, but I am sincerely crying over here too right now. I know you can't see me but I am feeling this pain with you. 💓😽

 

[Fleury Dragon]

I don't know what's wrong with me, but I am sincerely crying over here too right now. I know you can't see me but I am feeling this pain with you. 💓😽

I'm so sorry for the loss of your cat, your little girl, I'm sure she knows you loved her and appreciates your care for her in her final days.

 

[KM76710]

When my cat passed, she was my kid. And when she passed last year, I did the same thing you did.

Always sad to lose furry family and sorry to hear of your loss. I do believe a part is that your cat or for those with dogs is how that the animal picks you to be their person so it is a special bond.

 

[Catch_22]

I'm so sorry for the loss of your cat, your little girl, I'm sure she knows you loved her and appreciates your care for her in her final days.

Thank you, same to you. 💓

 

[Fleury Dragon]

Missing you so much today David. I wish you were here to hold me in your arms and tell me everything will be ok.
So much has happened in the last year. I wish you were here sharing it all with me. I love you so much and always will.
I'm sitting in my lounge in front of TV. Crying because you aren't here. The part of you, you left behind isn't enough to fill the space you left. How cruel is the world to leave me here without you. I'm not complete anymore and never will be.

 

[BlueGreen]

Thinking of you, @Fleurise

 

[Holding my breath]

Big hugs @Fleurise

 

[Gonz]

So sorry you have to go through this Fleurise, hoping you can find some peace.

 

[Livelife]