Forgive me, my great grandmother is dead :'(

Davemeister

Well-Known Member
#21
Thanks for your vote of confidence, KM

My toy wasn't necessarily my favorite, mum just believed that it was, although it was 'one' of my favorite toys, it was unimportant in comparison to my feelings towards my great-grandmother! I just wanted to show her I cared, and it was all I had to give to her, which remids me... I wanted to give it to her so she had something to remember me by - someway of bringing us closer together, or something.
 

kittykatt

Well-Known Member
#22
Dave,

I don’t know what your mother's motive for taking you to visit your great grandmother was, but it seems like she was jealous of the feelings that you showed for her. In your own childish way, you wanted to show to your grandmother the love that you felt for her. The only way you could do that was by giving to her something that you cherished. As the toy was the only thing that you had you gave that to her. It was a beautiful thing for you to have done. It’s sad that what should have been a beautiful memory was tarnished by what came afterwards.

Remember the love that you showed her by giving to her the toy and try to eliminate what came after. I’m sure that if your grandmother could tell you herself, she would thank you for the toy and tell you how much that meant to her. She would also tell you that she loved you and was happy that the two of you got to meet even if it was only that one time.

Even though you never got to see her again, I think that what matters in the end was that you wanted to see her. I don’t think that she died of a broken heart. I think that she would have died when she did even if you had gone to see her.

I think that you need to forgive yourself for what happened. After all you were only a child.

It’s a very touching story and gives us insight into the child that you were.

KittyKatt
 

Davemeister

Well-Known Member
#23
Thankyou for your kind and thoughtful words, KittyKatt, it means a lot.

I can't help but resent my mum for forcing me to reclaim the stupid toy and I also resent myself for not having the courage to say yes to going to visit her that day. I put my idiotic considerations over my love for my great-grandmother. Maybe I did so because I have Asperger's... I think that being autistic makes me feel a little better about my shitty treatment of my great-grandmother.

She was frail and very aged at the time but I honestly believe we might have met several more times before she passed away, had I gone when I was invited. I really hope she wasn't crying in despair for my stupid answer of no.

Dave.
 

Davemeister

Well-Known Member
#25
I´m sure you made your grandmother happy giving the toy. I´m sure it was a very special moment for her. I hope you get better.
Hi Gandal, nice to meet ya *shake I'm Dave.
My issues with out meeting that day have a lot to do with returning to reclaim toy. I'm not sure what you mean about getting better. I didn't think I referred to this in the OP. Thanks for your well wishes, all the same. Take care and welcome to suicideforum.
 
#26
Hi Gandal, nice to meet ya *shake I'm Dave.
My issues with out meeting that day have a lot to do with returning to reclaim toy. I'm not sure what you mean about getting better. I didn't think I referred to this in the OP. Thanks for your well wishes, all the same. Take care and welcome to suicideforum.
Thank you very much.

English is not my first language. I´m sorry if I couldn´t express properly. I understood about your issues. What I was trying to say is that I think your grandmother understood the situation. Probably, she knew that you reclaimed the toy beacause of your mother. I belive she was happy, because the important is not the toy, but your feelings towards her. When I wrote the stuff about getting better, I was thinking about the guilt you feel about it. I really hope you stop blaming yourself. I really think you didn´t do anything wrong.
 

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