#Frustrated (RIP Strong, Independent, Cool Girl)

[Lmxoxo]

Hi Guys,

I'm not usually like this, but lately I've been feeling so lonely (and kinda annoyed at myself for feeling this way).

I've always been a really independent person. I've always enjoyed my own company, far too much at times. & I've always enjoyed being free to make my own decisions without thinking about someone else.

But lately, I've been feeling a little different. I notice my friends all have their 'ride or die' life partners. They have someone to share everything with. Someone who asks about their day and someone to ask about their day in return. Someone to connect with and share everything with in a way that is completely separate from close freindships. If I'm being honest, this makes me feel quite different about the loads of alone time I have.

I'm beginning to want that. But it's difficult. That's a step towards vulnerability. A step towards putting myself out there in a way I'm not completely comfortable with and I'm so frustrated that this has ruined my appreciation for the quiet moments. I'm frustrated that I even want this. I'm frustrated that, OF ALL THINGS, THIS has sent me back here to this over-emotional, dissatisfied, state of being that I tried so hard and was successful (up until recently) of avoiding.

And I'm also frustrated because this thing, this completely, sickeningly cliche thing, feels so damn elusive and unattainable! I'm a difficult person. & I know I'm a difficult person. I just don't see this happening for me.
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Send me well wishes please guys. I definitely will need them.

RIP Strong, independent, non-Bridget-Jones, girl.

 

[Walker]

Hi there
I hear what you're saying. Sounds to me like you've been really good with being alone for some time and it's starting to make you ansty now. Wanting to have close or intimate relationships with people isn't a bad thing. You've been thriving on being tough and hard and shit all this time and you can still have that. I can tell that you've got a wall up and I only know you from reading a dozen sentences you wrote here in the middle of the night. You can balance out the tough, awesome chick with a more refined version who can seek out a relationship, you know. It's possible. You can do it. Good luck, let us know how it goes.

 

[PhoenixFailed]

I am sorry you are in pain right now. It is a tricky balance between vulnerable and independent.

Please be kind to yourself. Feeling the way you are does not make you any less strong or independent. I saw you said you are disappointed in yourself. I get what you are saying, but am wondering if you could allow yourself some room to just have the feeling without judging yourself for it.

I am wishing you well.

 

[Innocent Forever]

Sending you loads of 'well wishes'. It's hard to be vulnerable with others... You can do it... Good luck... really.

 

[FeelingHollow]

I know how you feel, I prefer my own company, but I feel so lonely. it's hard trying to go out and meet people whilst your own mind is telling you how pitiful and worthless you are. I'm sure you'll find someone who will accept you for who you are.

 

[Lmxoxo]

Thanks for reading, guys. And thanks for understanding and the encouragements! This has honestly been making me feel semi crazy. Even though I know it's basically quite a normal desire. I think I needed to just say how I was feeling and have someone be like 'Ok. That's okay.'

I love this community!

 

[Petal]

Hi @Lmxoxo I am sorry you are feeling this way and I understand wanting a partner in your life, is having someone special somethig you want to appear ''normal'' or you really want to feel love trust and worth? I am glad you say you love this community, it is filled with the most amazing people I have ever had the pleasure of ''meeting'', keep being yourself and decide what you want to change or do when you are in the best frame of mind. Best wishes xxx

 

[Eves]

Good luck. And don't worry too much about change if it comes naturally. It's just one of those things.

 

[voluspa]

I understand you. I know how that feels. I'm so embarrassed that I let the lack of a partner bring me down so much. But being alone gets hard and we never expect when. I wish I was as proud as I used to be, but all I feel anymore is lonely.

 

[Lmxoxo]

Thanks for the support guys!

I'm low key considering making a sign "Unwanted Girl, please marry"... and sitting out on the road hahaha

Why is love so elusive!? (I've been watching too many rom-cons haha)

 

[Eves]

I suppose it depends on which road you choose

 

[Acanthi]

Sending you all my well wishes!!

 

[Lmxoxo]

I suppose it depends on which road you choose

Hahaha So true. Luckily I'm low key ready to go. I think if an axe murderer picked me up, I might just go with the flow hahaha.