Getting closer again

[Songie]

My son's birthday is coming up again soon. I imagine this is what it feels like to know you are going to die. every year i slowly creep towards August 9th and things get harder and harder everyday. And everyday i cry more and more. And then the day will finally come, and I won't feel anything. Which will be worse and make me depressed for weeks. Does this routine ever end? I feel like it wont until i get him back...and i can't get him back. It's almost infuriating sometimes...i wanted to die for so long. and then i lost him. And he never got a chance. he didnt get to laugh or play, he didnt even get to hear me tell him i loved him. and now i wish i wanted to die. Because it would be so much easier to feel that way again, to cut away all my pain. But things have changed. And now i live for him. because he couldnt. And what right do I have to throw away something that my own son never got the chance at. Still...I'd give almost anything for a day where i dont miss him. a day where i dont cry for him.

RIP my little Jesse Michael Coffey, Mommy loves you.

 

[A.SoNiC.boY]

I think you are headed in the right direction, finding something positive out of what must have been the worst moment of your life. they say time heals all wounds, hopefully they are right. To keep going with the pain you must carry shows true guts and strength. I cannot imagine how I would be if my own story had taken the same turn. I hope you find peace someday with this... you'll never forget, but maybe someday you can find relief from the pain. you will always be his mommy, no matter what else happens.

- ben

 

[IV2010]

dear songie :console: I know your pain..
I'm so sorry you lost your sweet son..
I also lost my son ( but to suicide) so I understand the pain from the loss of a child...
the worst pain for a parent to ever have to feel
I know that buildup to the anniversaries, etc, and the deep depression you're feeling..
your son will always be in your heart as my son is in mine..
I hope you find a reason to go on in memory of little Jesse.
I know how difficult it is.
sending you huge cyber :hug:

 

[Songie]

Thanks so much for all of your support. With all the things I've been through this is by far the worst. And i'd go through the rest of it all over again if it meant I could have him back.