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Having a severe crisis of faith

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ChildOfHope

ChildOfHope

Well-Known Member
#1
#1
I'm a Catholic, but for 8 years now, I've had nothing but problems, year after year.

Year 1: almost committed suicide due to financial hardship
Year 2: My favorite wrestler lost too often
Year 3: Got placed on medication for "depression" (if you can call me getting angry a lot depression)
Year 4: Got banned from my now former favorite forum for trying to help a former rape victim
Year 5: Got very disrespected on Experience Project for venting about 2009 (at this time, it was 2012), and lost the object of my infatuation in a motorcycle accident, and my previous computer got a huge virus, thus having to get a new one
Year 6: Had to deal with a clingy blind guy who annoyed me to no end
Year 7: Had my prayers ignored far too often
Year 8: Bad luck all the time, losing friends, and I feel empty.

Eight is enough for me. No one seems to care, even God hates me. Everything is falling apart, except for my family's apartment, which mom, brother, and I still live in, thank goodness.

I'm starting to considering converting to Satanism and might even buy a Baphomet statue to make my life easier because, to me, God doesn't give a shit about me.
 
not_as_strong

not_as_strong

New Member
#5
#5
I can understand what has made you think that God doesn't give a shit about you. There are lots of times in life when it would seem like God has turned God's back on us. God never promised life would be easy, what God did promise is that God would be present with us no matter how we felt. I truly believe that God is present in our lives. I have screamed, threatened and challenged God over my feelings of worthlessness and every time God comes back with an answer. For instance tonight, as I was thinking about killing myself, this forum came onto my computer screen. It might be a coincidence, but I really do believe that if you look, you will see God in each of those 8 years.
 
ChildOfHope

ChildOfHope

Well-Known Member
#6
#6
not_as_strong said:
I can understand what has made you think that God doesn't give a shit about you. There are lots of times in life when it would seem like God has turned God's back on us. God never promised life would be easy, what God did promise is that God would be present with us no matter how we felt. I truly believe that God is present in our lives. I have screamed, threatened and challenged God over my feelings of worthlessness and every time God comes back with an answer. For instance tonight, as I was thinking about killing myself, this forum came onto my computer screen. It might be a coincidence, but I really do believe that if you look, you will see God in each of those 8 years.
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Thank you for a much more understanding answer. And you make an excellent point. I appreciate you making a concise effort to understand what I'm going through. I blame it on my naivete and believing in those churches that preach the Prosperity Gospel.
 
ChildOfHope

ChildOfHope

Well-Known Member
#7
#7
And how is God there for me in those 8 years? Please explain. It seems to me like God is done with me. My life is nothing but a shit sandwich of failure, and it tastes like... you guessed it, shit...
 
DrownedFishOnFire

DrownedFishOnFire

Back into the wild where I belong. Out of your way
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#8
#8
Apparently God has a sick sense of humor. Blessing the bad people with good fortune and the good ones with bad fortune.

Depends on what my mood is that day what my answer is in that subject
 
DrownedFishOnFire

DrownedFishOnFire

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SF Supporter
#10
#10
ChildOfMisery said:
Interesting... but a definitive answer would make more sense, but thank you
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Raised as a Catholic. I am no longer religious after my confirmation but a creature of habit saying Catholic when people ask yet why do I do that if I don't go to the church anymore? When I have stepped a foot in other denomination churches I don't feel that inner peace I do whenever I have to go into the Catholic church. Why? I do not know You wanted to know if he exists. I do not know I am not God so only he can answer that if he does exist then he can answer for himself.

Only God himself can be worshipped but no other gods and then say we cannot say his name in vain. What a great guy the big man upstairs is! Wanting no other competition so virtually slain all gods before him.

My answer today is if he exists he is one hella of a prick that I will not follow if he was all about goodness then why is crappy stuff happening in my life that people say to write a book as its unbelievable I do not want my life being an entertainment value. Tell the man upstairs that I said to shove it I will go where other gods and other souls go when you find him.
 
Innocent Forever

Innocent Forever

🐒🥜🍌
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SF Supporter
#11
#11
Hmm, I don't know if you're looking for proof of is love or not. But, you're here. You're here for a reason. For whatever your reason is. Sometimes it seems impossible to make sense of the suffering. I know that the more emotionally stable I am in my mind, the more okay I am with a god, and that doesn't refer to bad things happening around me. For what seems like suffering, makes me into a person who can be there for others. I don't want this life, but my god obviously wants this life for me. He doesn't need you in this world. If he didn't like you, you just wouldn't be here. That you're here means he loves you. Who makes the sun rise in the morning? The plans grow? Who has given you a house? Allowed you to breathe? It doesn't take the pain away. Doesn't make life easier. There is sometimes no way for us to know why. But know that he wants what's best for you even when you/I can't understand it. Thinking of you...
 
ChildOfHope

ChildOfHope

Well-Known Member
#12
#12
Innocent Forever said:
Hmm, I don't know if you're looking for proof of is love or not. But, you're here. You're here for a reason. For whatever your reason is. Sometimes it seems impossible to make sense of the suffering. I know that the more emotionally stable I am in my mind, the more okay I am with a god, and that doesn't refer to bad things happening around me. For what seems like suffering, makes me into a person who can be there for others. I don't want this life, but my god obviously wants this life for me. He doesn't need you in this world. If he didn't like you, you just wouldn't be here. That you're here means he loves you. Who makes the sun rise in the morning? The plans grow? Who has given you a house? Allowed you to breathe? It doesn't take the pain away. Doesn't make life easier. There is sometimes no way for us to know why. But know that he wants what's best for you even when you/I can't understand it. Thinking of you...
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Thank you for your compassionate reply. I appreciate it, and Drowned, your anger at god isn't helping much, no offense
 
Innocent Forever

Innocent Forever

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#13
#13
ChildOfMisery said:
Thank you for your compassionate reply. I appreciate it, and Drowned, your anger at god isn't helping much, no offense
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(((hugs)))
Was actually really nervous that was answering you and wasn't really identifying with you. I do identify. A lot. I'm religious. And struggling a lot with my religion. Not doing all that my religion tells me to do. Yet I know that it's because I'm not fully okay within myself. I know that until I'm really emotionally secure I can't work through my religion, and will be blocked to it. I'm beginning to know that maybe a god can care.
Something I once read that I really appreciated - if you want I can post the entire email - look for it - was about someone speaking to a boy who'd attempted suicide, he said to him, in reply to the boy saying that god doesn't love him, god may not love you, but he sure needs you, else you wouldn't be here. Hugs again.... It's hard. And it's a climb. But it's one that you can do. You're strong. And you can use that strength to overcome all that life may throw at you.
 
ChildOfHope

ChildOfHope

Well-Known Member
#14
#14
Innocent Forever said:
(((hugs)))
Was actually really nervous that was answering you and wasn't really identifying with you. I do identify. A lot. I'm religious. And struggling a lot with my religion. Not doing all that my religion tells me to do. Yet I know that it's because I'm not fully okay within myself. I know that until I'm really emotionally secure I can't work through my religion, and will be blocked to it. I'm beginning to know that maybe a god can care.
Something I once read that I really appreciated - if you want I can post the entire email - look for it - was about someone speaking to a boy who'd attempted suicide, he said to him, in reply to the boy saying that god doesn't love him, god may not love you, but he sure needs you, else you wouldn't be here. Hugs again.... It's hard. And it's a climb. But it's one that you can do. You're strong. And you can use that strength to overcome all that life may throw at you.
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Thank you for relating to me, and the last part about the unhelpfulness was directed at another person. But you make a lot of sense. :)
 
DrownedFishOnFire

DrownedFishOnFire

Back into the wild where I belong. Out of your way
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#15
#15
Hey you wanted a more clearer answer after complaining I didn't give a definite answer. I didn't sugarcoat it for what I think it was. Not spoon feeding people who thinks there is no God because someones team or person lost too often. What about the other people who was cheering for the opponent?

Good luck finding that inner peace you really want within yourself.

By the way If I get all green lights on my way home there is a God and he is awesome! Too bad to all of the other people affected by it. I like God today.
 
AshleyRose

AshleyRose

Active Member
#16
#16
I went from praying every night to not praying at all anymore. I've come to a realization that maybe there is no God and my fear of death made me cling onto the hope that there was. I was so afraid of the nothingness of death without a god/heaven.

Now that I welcome death, I can see more clearly. Nothingness would be beautiful. It is actually quite liberating.
 
ChildOfHope

ChildOfHope

Well-Known Member
#17
#17
AshleyRose said:
I went from praying every night to not praying at all anymore. I've come to a realization that maybe there is no God and my fear of death made me cling onto the hope that there was. I was so afraid of the nothingness of death without a god/heaven.

Now that I welcome death, I can see more clearly. Nothingness would be beautiful. It is actually quite liberating.
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how is this helpful? Please explain
 
AshleyRose

AshleyRose

Active Member
#18
#18
I'm sorry. Just trying to help. If you're questioning your religion and belief in God, letting go can be freeing. Even if it's just a short "break". I'm sorry if that offends you.

What kind of response are you looking for? Maybe I will bow out of this thread. Good luck.
 
Crazy Cat

Crazy Cat

Well-Known Member
#19
#19
I was an athiest until the age of 18. I refused to believe in a God who would allow me to go through so much trauma as an innocent child. (I was sexually abused from 8 - 10, then at the age of 10 I witnessed my oldest brother attack both parents with a kitchen knife in which my dad was tragically murdered.)

I experienced another 8 years of hell on earth. I was suicidal after believing I had tried 'everything' to make me better. but I knew I hadn't tried God.

Ultimately I realised i had nothing to lose (except pain and heartache) but potentially I had everything to gain if I gave God a go.

I've had a wonderful 25 years journey and now understand that God was with me and loved me during those traumatic years and he is still with me today.

I've come to believe however that God is far more interested in where we spend eternity (which is a VERY long time), than saving us from the pain and heartache we are seem desperate to avoid. in fact, Jesus even wrote 'in this world you WILL have trouble, but take heart...I have overcome the world'.

I don't know if this is helpful or not but its really helped me to stop 'being a victim' and realise that God loves me so much he's promied to help me now and throughout eternity.
 
ChildOfHope

ChildOfHope

Well-Known Member
#20
#20
AshleyRose said:
I'm sorry. Just trying to help. If you're questioning your religion and belief in God, letting go can be freeing. Even if it's just a short "break". I'm sorry if that offends you.

What kind of response are you looking for? Maybe I will bow out of this thread. Good luck.
Click to expand...
It's not you. It's just me and my dark side. And it's not your fault. I thank you for trying to help though

Crazy Cat, thank you for setting me straight
 
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