This past Sunday I lost my best friend, the love of my life. Before I met him I was a narcissist who's only drive in life was to use whoever I could to make myself temporarily happy, come what may. Then I met him and that all changed. I loved him instantly and figured out what empathy was. For once I cared about someone other than myself, and I learned patience and kindess. I did everything I could to make him happy, and he did everything he could to make us happy. I supported him in what he wanted to do, and he gave me the advice, tempered with a hint of frankness, that I needed to better myself. We had a complicated dynamic that most people looking in didn't understand. Strangers always assumed we were a couple, even when we weren't. Our friends and family hated us being a couple. Although they said they knew we were right for one another. We went from being lovers, to enemies, and back to best friends. If I needed him, he was always there for me. And if he needed me I was always there for him. We knew we were "the one" for each other, but never got to that place because we put everyone else's views above our own happiness. But I still loved him with all of my heart, like he loved me.
Then on Monday I found out that he died. His sister emailed me to tell me the news. She said she didn't know what terms we were on, but wanted to let me know he was gone. I'm still in shock that he's not here anymore, although I know he's passed on to another phase of life. I'm angry that he left me here to go on without him. But I'm happy that he's now free of the pettiness that screwed up his life and kept us apart. I know he's happier now, I can feel it in my heart. But I wish he wouldn't have left me here to live without him. He was my best friend and whenever I was sad or felt lost, if I heard his voice I instantly felt better. If I looked into his eyes, I knew without him saying a word, that he loved me. Everyone keeps telling me that things will get better and that I will move on, but I'm not sure. When he died, a part of me left with him. Now I feel like I'm just waiting to see him again. Like each day is one step closer to me leaving this Earth and being with him again.
Then on Monday I found out that he died. His sister emailed me to tell me the news. She said she didn't know what terms we were on, but wanted to let me know he was gone. I'm still in shock that he's not here anymore, although I know he's passed on to another phase of life. I'm angry that he left me here to go on without him. But I'm happy that he's now free of the pettiness that screwed up his life and kept us apart. I know he's happier now, I can feel it in my heart. But I wish he wouldn't have left me here to live without him. He was my best friend and whenever I was sad or felt lost, if I heard his voice I instantly felt better. If I looked into his eyes, I knew without him saying a word, that he loved me. Everyone keeps telling me that things will get better and that I will move on, but I'm not sure. When he died, a part of me left with him. Now I feel like I'm just waiting to see him again. Like each day is one step closer to me leaving this Earth and being with him again.
