Just found this forum less than an hour ago. Thank you for being so welcoming.. I just feel useless. Left an abusive home life in my early 20s and jumped straight into an abusive relationship.. which became, ultimately, an abusive marriage. As my parents marriage was itself an abusive mess, I really believed that that's the way relationships worked. And I soaked up 15 years of biting, punching, name-calling, and general humiliation. A year ago, I became committed to the idea of ending my life.. I felt that there was no other way out. She outearns me, I have no degree, she owns the house, and I believed then, as I still do, that I'm essentially unlovable. I ended up sitting in the bathtub with a straight razor while she was at the office. What ultimately prevented me from doing it was the sound of my cat scratching at the bathroom door, and the realization that he'd end up at the pound if I weren't there. Ultimately, while I'm glad to be away from her (and I have my cats with me), the shame and depression linger, and despite (or maybe because of) what I've been through, I'm still terrified of living the rest of my life alone.