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Her boyfriend hurt me

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#1
The other day my friend's boyfriend was getting really controlling towards her while I had ppl over at my place. He would scream in her face and grab her to drag her home. I got in-between them all night so he grabbed me and shoved me to the point where I have bruises. We struggled to the door and when he was finally in the hallway I locked the door. He then started to punch holes through the walls and scream that he would slit both our throats. A bunch of ppl called 911 including me. He got arrested but was released when he was sober.

He showed up at my door and said he's so sorry and he would never lay a hand on me if he was sober. He claims he can't remember anything and "that wasn't him"... Tmrw I might be getting evicted BC technically I am responsible for anything that happens in my apartment, but he also lives in the building with his GF and his infant... Should I tell my super what happened? Should I forgive him? It is true that it was just BC of the alcohol or is he just making excuses?

It's been 48hrs and I'm still in pain
 

nobodyknows71

For a Phoenix to rise, it must first burn.
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#2
Hi Winnie, I think you need to trust your gut. And from what I see, you wouldn't be here asking if you thought it was a one off. I think you're after confirmation of what you already know.
I think if you're being true to yourself you know this is probably not a one off. And even if it was he needs to address his anger issues.
No one has the right to grab you, drunk or sober. Especially to the point of leaving bruises.
I'd like to know the GF's point of view. You haven't said what she thinks of things. And the fact he has an infant doesn't sit well.

Bottom line, you need to do what you consider to be the right thing. Would I tell the super? Absolutely.
But I think you know that.

Good luck
 

Acy

Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense
ADMIN
#3
@Winnie123 I'm sorry you had such a nasty experience and are still in pain from it. If you need medical attention, please see a doctor. *hug*

If the super is calling you in for a meeting, chances are he knows about the incident - he might even have received a copy of the police report since it was on his building's property.

I'm guessing you don't normally have events requiring 911 in your apartment...? You might want to explain to the super what happened (but I suspect he knows most of it already). I think in most places, the tenant pays for damage that s/he or a guest causes. If you are generally a good tenant, it's possible that a first incident of this sort will just land you with a warning not to have more incidents or you "could" be evicted down the road.

How are your friend and her baby doing? Is she okay staying with this bf? (His behavior sounds kind of scary to me...threatening violence, grabbing people, punching walls, screaming. Whether he was drunk or sober, I would call those things abuse. I would make plans to get away...but that's me.)

I hope your meeting goes all right and you're not evicted. I hope that you, your friend, and her baby are safe. *hug*
 

Luoma

Need someone to talk to? I'm here!
SF Supporter
#4
There's a saying that goes "drunk words are our sober thoughts."

I believe everyone deserves a bit of slack in this world, but I believe even more firmly that you do NOT have to just forgive and forget.

I'd be very worried about his girlfriend, and more importantly, the baby involved in this scary situation.

She sounds like she is being abused. I'd report this; she might be too controlled to say anything. He could be threatening her to be quiet.
 

pam4him

Active Member
#5
Not to be to cliche, but honesty is the best policy. Let the Super know what happened. I hope you were not hurt badly, but please consider seeking medical help if needed. I agree with prior posters that the friend may be in an abusive situation. Here's a number for help should she need it, 1-800-799-7233. Prayers for understanding by the super and safety for the rest of you.
 

Petal

~*Mod Extraordinaire*~
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#7
You wouldn't believe things I have done when under the influence, it's no excuse but I would not have done those things sober. I don't believe that drunk words are our sober thoughts at all. Alcohol turns me into a horrible, awful human being and alcohol may have played a huge role in what he did. I am in no way excusing his behaviour, if you feel threatened or in danger do not have any more contact with him. Don't let him win your mind by his words but by his actions from now on. I do not drink alcohol at all, I don't know why but it just completely changes my personality. Be firm with him and if you accept his apology then fine but be very careful around him in future. There is a reason why some people are court ordered not to drink alcohol. I am sorry this happened and hope it never does again, you don't need that in your life. Best wishes :)
 
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