Well you guys might have read my post here before. Here I am again. Long story short, I followed you guys advices and share my feeling, my worry with my GF. It worked. I was happy. She was my everything, everything I ever hoped for. And now she left. She said this long distance relationship wore her out. She was tired. She needed someone who can be there with her physically when she need, not just some short messages. I can understand that. It was also my fault. I was the one who decided to move to the US with my family. We were together since highschool. 8 years. I planned to propose after I finish uni and got a job to support her. I planned to take her to the US, I had plans for our family. We had. We agreed that neither of us want to marry before we have a good job to sustain our family. But she gave up. The waiting was too much for her. I studied hard, worked hard just so we can have a good future. Now we won't have any future. The thought of at the end of this road, I will come home everyday and stare at 4 empty walls without her is so unbearable. What the point of this anymore? I tried talking to people. It didn't help. I knew all they had to say. I knew all about how they feel for me. I knew it will hurt people who love me. I know it won't solve anything. But I can't find the will to go on. No matter what I do now, no matter how successful i can be in the future, I will come home to an empty house. She won't be there. What is the point of it now that she won't be there with me? I only wanted to make money so I can care for her. I never have any interest in being rich for myself. I don't need it. I did it just so I can provide her a comfortable life. Now she's gone. Please there must be someone here who gone through this. Please let me know how you got through it. You guys are my last attempt at this. You helped pulling me out before. Maybe you can do it again. I know I'm being selfish here. But since there's nothing left between me and this, why not give this a shot? The real shot is not gonna go away anyway.
Here I am again
- Thread starter KyleV
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You're not being selfish Kyle, these forums are here for this exact purpose, so make us of it as much as you can. I know you can't see t now, but the truth is she isn't the only one, she could have been the one, but f she was, she wouldn't have called it a day. You need to get out there and meet like minded people. If you have an interest then try and find a group to join. If there's no groups try something like tinder so it's people in your area that you're connecting too.
Where you are now I know this will be hard to believe, but this hurt will fade, you had some good times remember those for being good, not for what you feel you've lost. Nothing is fixed in this world, if it was it would probably be boring. If you're mental health is not great again, seek some professional help and keep posting here, there people much better equipped than me to give advice, and then will.
Take care and don't be too hard on yourself, you didn't do anything wrong to cause this, things just change.
Where you are now I know this will be hard to believe, but this hurt will fade, you had some good times remember those for being good, not for what you feel you've lost. Nothing is fixed in this world, if it was it would probably be boring. If you're mental health is not great again, seek some professional help and keep posting here, there people much better equipped than me to give advice, and then will.
Take care and don't be too hard on yourself, you didn't do anything wrong to cause this, things just change.
Hi there, Kyle. It's very nice to meet you, this is my first time seeing you around. My name is Luoma.
I want to start off by saying I read your first post, and we actually have a lot of similarities. I'm from Asia myself, too; China, more specifically. I am also a martial artist, studying Shaolin Kungfu. And the biggest similarities we share is that we both got out of a relationship - and then felt as if their world is falling apart.
When I broke up with my first boyfriend, I felt lost. He was abusive, yes, so perhaps not identical to your story, but after we broke up I was lonely beyond belief. I remembered the good times, and yes, we were together during high school, too, so it was rather painful. Look, my point is, it's good to look back at both the good and the bad. I know you just want her happy, and trust me, this breakup is not easy on her either. I'm sure she cries knowing her and her high school sweetheart are no longer together. She had hopes and dreams much like you did. But, in time, she will become happier than she was before. So will you.
I know it feels as if your mind is focused on one person, but there are other people. I know this is literally the last thing you want to hear, but I want you to put it in perspective. She's back home and will find someone for her there. You're in the US and you will find someone for yourself, too. You're young, Kyle. You can move forwards. And if it's any reassurance, most of the time when we marry the same person we were together with in high school, they just don't work out so well for various reasons.
It was no mistake to move to the US; I moved to Canada from Asia and my life here has drastically improved. This is your new life, your new opportunity to start a new page.
Think about it, Kyle. You don't have to keep your phone on you all the time because you won't have to text her every single moment of the day. You won't have to wake up lonely anymore; you will one day find a new girl who lives here to wake up beside. And your work is CERTAINLY not gone to waste; if you ever need to sustain yourself on your own away from family, you have saved up money and can safely live happily, without worrying about funneling a huge amount of money to bring a person over to North America.
It's hard for you to see the future. I know when I broke up with my first boyfriend it was so, so damn hard to look forwards. But I started to go out more. I started to volunteer more. And one day, I met a very lovely man. I was still heartbroken at the time, and he was kind enough to notice me crying at a Canadian art festival and offered me some tissues in his bag. I gave him a chance at friendship, even though my heart was broken, and then, one day over text, we started to flirt a little bit and he mustered up the courage to call me and ask me out on a date. I fell in love with him on the first date and we've now been dating for 8 months now. He's my entire life and more, and he will never give up on me. I love him to death and back, and best of all? He lives here, with me, so I can always wake up happily beside him and not have to worry about a long-distance relationship.
My best advice is to meet new people, even if you feel like garbage. I did the same thing, and now I'm happy in a new relationship.
I wish you the best, Kyle. Please, let me know if you need anything.
I want to start off by saying I read your first post, and we actually have a lot of similarities. I'm from Asia myself, too; China, more specifically. I am also a martial artist, studying Shaolin Kungfu. And the biggest similarities we share is that we both got out of a relationship - and then felt as if their world is falling apart.
When I broke up with my first boyfriend, I felt lost. He was abusive, yes, so perhaps not identical to your story, but after we broke up I was lonely beyond belief. I remembered the good times, and yes, we were together during high school, too, so it was rather painful. Look, my point is, it's good to look back at both the good and the bad. I know you just want her happy, and trust me, this breakup is not easy on her either. I'm sure she cries knowing her and her high school sweetheart are no longer together. She had hopes and dreams much like you did. But, in time, she will become happier than she was before. So will you.
I know it feels as if your mind is focused on one person, but there are other people. I know this is literally the last thing you want to hear, but I want you to put it in perspective. She's back home and will find someone for her there. You're in the US and you will find someone for yourself, too. You're young, Kyle. You can move forwards. And if it's any reassurance, most of the time when we marry the same person we were together with in high school, they just don't work out so well for various reasons.
It was no mistake to move to the US; I moved to Canada from Asia and my life here has drastically improved. This is your new life, your new opportunity to start a new page.
Think about it, Kyle. You don't have to keep your phone on you all the time because you won't have to text her every single moment of the day. You won't have to wake up lonely anymore; you will one day find a new girl who lives here to wake up beside. And your work is CERTAINLY not gone to waste; if you ever need to sustain yourself on your own away from family, you have saved up money and can safely live happily, without worrying about funneling a huge amount of money to bring a person over to North America.
It's hard for you to see the future. I know when I broke up with my first boyfriend it was so, so damn hard to look forwards. But I started to go out more. I started to volunteer more. And one day, I met a very lovely man. I was still heartbroken at the time, and he was kind enough to notice me crying at a Canadian art festival and offered me some tissues in his bag. I gave him a chance at friendship, even though my heart was broken, and then, one day over text, we started to flirt a little bit and he mustered up the courage to call me and ask me out on a date. I fell in love with him on the first date and we've now been dating for 8 months now. He's my entire life and more, and he will never give up on me. I love him to death and back, and best of all? He lives here, with me, so I can always wake up happily beside him and not have to worry about a long-distance relationship.
My best advice is to meet new people, even if you feel like garbage. I did the same thing, and now I'm happy in a new relationship.
I wish you the best, Kyle. Please, let me know if you need anything.
Thank you you two. Especially you Luoma for sharing your story with me. But it's just so overwhelming. Since forever, every decision I made I made it with her in mind. The only one I ever decided against her will was to come to the US. But even that one was because I knew we would have a better life. I know there are other people out there. I know there's a chance I will find someone who is willing to be with me, to love me. But I know for a fact it will not be her. Every time I try to think ahead, my mind remind me again she will not in any of my future. For the rest of my life I won't see her smile again. That just too painful. I wish I can be delusional, I wish I can pretend it never happen, that all of this is just a bad dream and I will wake up. But every time I wake up I would check my phone out of habit and the usual morning message is not there anymore. It was there every single morning for ever since I move to the US. We didn't miss a single day no matter what, even when she or I was sick. But now it's not there anymore. I can't focus on anything. I see her face on random people on the street. I hear her voice out of nowhere. And then I realize it's not real. My dream will never become real. All I ever wanted in my life was to have a little family with her. I never really care about being rich. I never have any real interest in fancy things. I just want to be able to provide for her. Now whenever I don't feel the pain, I instead feel a void in my chest. It's like it suck out everything. I tried getting drunk. But the morning after it just got worse because I would remember the time she care for me when I had a hangover. I promised her I will never got drunk out of my mind again. And even this time of getting drunk, I was not out of my mind. It like an instinct. My hand just stopped before my mind went blank. I just go to bed whenever I start to feel the alcohol's effect. And this made it a lot worse because it felt like she still taking care of me. I miss her so much.
Kyle, I'm so sorry. I know it feels. I can't say it's going to be easy. I lost my best friend to suicide and it hits me sometimes. The way someone says a word or sends a text will remind me of him. Sometimes when I'm looking at my boyfriend, I'm reminded of him. I know how you feel, and it hurts. I can't tell you that it's going to be easy; it's going to be hard remembering those morning texts. My best friend used to text me a sweet "good morning, sunshine!" every day at 9:00 am.
But there is a future even without her, okay? You don't need her to complete yourself. I also just want to say that you are SUCH a nice guy. Most guys aren't as loyal and caring as you are. The way you worked for her future, wanted to start a family... those are all just such lovely, wonderful thoughts to have. And one day, you're going to be an amazing father. You're also going to have a lovely wife, too, but just not her, and that's okay. There are other fish in the sea, and you should try to rest easily knowing she's going to be happy and less insecure. I'm sure she will never, ever forget the good times you had together.
Do you think you'd be able to still be friends with her after this? Or do you think that that's a bit too painful? You could always wait it out and then try to be friends with her. I think in addition to losing the romance aspect, you're also missing the friend aspect. You might be able to get some of that back.
Please stay strong, and don't drink. As someone who drinks to cope, I know how unhealthy it is and I don't want you to follow down the same path. You deserve better, okay?
But there is a future even without her, okay? You don't need her to complete yourself. I also just want to say that you are SUCH a nice guy. Most guys aren't as loyal and caring as you are. The way you worked for her future, wanted to start a family... those are all just such lovely, wonderful thoughts to have. And one day, you're going to be an amazing father. You're also going to have a lovely wife, too, but just not her, and that's okay. There are other fish in the sea, and you should try to rest easily knowing she's going to be happy and less insecure. I'm sure she will never, ever forget the good times you had together.
Do you think you'd be able to still be friends with her after this? Or do you think that that's a bit too painful? You could always wait it out and then try to be friends with her. I think in addition to losing the romance aspect, you're also missing the friend aspect. You might be able to get some of that back.
Please stay strong, and don't drink. As someone who drinks to cope, I know how unhealthy it is and I don't want you to follow down the same path. You deserve better, okay?
I understand there's nothing we can say that will change how you're feeling Kyle, but how about you try this. This time next week come back to this post, read what you've written and consider all those things as level ten feelings. With a week past, tell us what level all those things are now, they may all be tens again, that's fine, but if you do that every week for a few weeks I guarantee that some will slip to a nine, then and eight and ever downward.
Make sure you keep letting things out on other posts, but try to check in here every week, I'm going to put a reminder in my calandar to make sure I do also, and we can see how things are going.
Don't be too hard on yourself about how you feel, it's natural, but it's also natural that you will get past this and move on even though it's hard to see it now.
Make sure you keep letting things out on other posts, but try to check in here every week, I'm going to put a reminder in my calandar to make sure I do also, and we can see how things are going.
Don't be too hard on yourself about how you feel, it's natural, but it's also natural that you will get past this and move on even though it's hard to see it now.
I honestly don't know. The very thought of moving on scares me. It scares me alot thinking that one day I might forget about her, that I might give these feeling to someone else. I'm not even considering a painless way to die now. I'm used to physical pain. I don't know how long I can hold on, it just so tired. I guess this is what she meant when she said she was tired of waiting. But I will try. If I make it, I will come back here and do as you said. I don't really see the point of it though. Why continue to suffer if there is no destination in the future anymore? what is the purpose of staying alive just for the sake of staying alive?
What she went through is completely different to what you're dealing with Kyle. Hang in there, see a professional if you can, and keep posting and talking on here. With everyone's support you will turn the corner and see there are lots of good things you can do for others as well as yourself, and it would be a real shame to waste that.
Hang in there, we're here for you buddy
Hang in there, we're here for you buddy
I don't have much time to write, but I just want to say I agree with dtc's wise words above. There is a future for you, and I know it seems like suffering will be the only thing you will ever experience from now on, but I promise you, there's so much more in store for you and your future.
There is a destination for you, and that destination is greatness. You are very intelligent, and hardworking. Those traits bring you far in life. The end of the relationship doesn't have to mean the end of your future.
I'll be checking up on you, too, okay? But please keep posting if it helps. -hugs-
There is a destination for you, and that destination is greatness. You are very intelligent, and hardworking. Those traits bring you far in life. The end of the relationship doesn't have to mean the end of your future.
I'll be checking up on you, too, okay? But please keep posting if it helps. -hugs-
Thank you. I have classes and work tomorrow, but I guess I'm going to call in sick. Irony for such a "hardworking" guy right? I'm going to call in sick while I'm not. Pathetic. I'm fully aware this is going to reflect badly in my history, but I just don't find the care anymore. Everything become too much to do. I'm not hardworking like you think Luoma. I just forced myself to be. A lazy person can't take care of any one. Now I just want to sleep. But I'm also don't want to. When I wake up I'm going to check the phone again. And she won't be there. She left. She's tired of me. She was my dream. I can still remember every details of the first time we met. It was a youth camp. She handed me a piece of blue paper. She liked my presentation in the debate competition. She was so shy. She thought I like someone else. I was shy too. All I could do was forcing a smile then awkwardly held her hand. We didn't say anything. Just stood there like that. She so loved her cake. She could eat your usual birthday cake all by herself. If you give her cake, she gonna skip her meal to eat the cake. You wouldn't believe how awkward I felt when I brought her a cake to her school on my bicycle. All the people looking at us. And she still wouldn't let me have a bite of her cake. She made me a bracelet though. She was the best thing ever happened to my life. And I let her slip away by coming here to the US. How stupid can I be? I chose the money over her. I made her wait. And now she's gone.
Don't underplay your illness just because it's not physical, you have an illness and deserve sick leave and treatment just as much as someone with a broken leg.
Try not to be so hard on yourself, you've been through a lot and it's going to take a while for you to get back on top of things, but you will, it just needs time.
Try not to be so hard on yourself, you've been through a lot and it's going to take a while for you to get back on top of things, but you will, it just needs time.
haha funny thing is a broken leg didn't stop me from practicing karate. Oh she was furious. I never thought that small a body can have such strength. She's quite fit given her tendency for cake. Your average Vietnamese woman body type. Even my master told me i'd better listen to her this time. She was so against me continue practicing karate. But I couldn't. It was the next thing I loved most, right next to her. And I gave that up when I came to the US. Just couldn't fit it anywhere in my time table. I literally sacrificed the 2 best things in my life, and for what? Some cash in my debit card. Talk about life choice.
Updating on the day. I still see her. I tried going to work to distract myself. Didn't help. Only lasted 3 hours. Managed to avoid ramming into a traffic light. I suddenly had a flashback of a memory with her on the way home. Only got back to reality half a second before I hit the traffic light. It took me 20 minutes to continue driving. Just got home. Felt like shit. The void in my chest hurt. It like some creature is slowly eating away inside me. I tried to delete her contact on the phone. But every time I turn to it the image of her smiling stops me. I can't do it. That smile is everything I have left. Now it brings pain to me, but there is still a faint comfort. Why did this have to happen? Just why?
Kyle, I know you're having some negative thoughts, but I want you to know that these are intrusive thoughts. It's very good that you avoided the traffic lights, and it's even better that you were able to walk home safely. I know you're frustrated, I know you're angry. But you deserve so much more than this. It will stop in the future, I promise. I can speak from experience, it gets better, hang in there. Don't let your life be ruined by one person.
I know you're stronger than this, man. Go out and do things to get your mind off of her. Just grab a pillow, squeeze it tight, and cry it out. Let your emotions free. Blast music, find a new hobby, meet new people. You're doing great. Keep going, keep pushing forwards, keep living. It will burn, but use that pain to drive you forwards and show her how strong you can be.
I believe in you. Stay strong & stay safe.
I know you're stronger than this, man. Go out and do things to get your mind off of her. Just grab a pillow, squeeze it tight, and cry it out. Let your emotions free. Blast music, find a new hobby, meet new people. You're doing great. Keep going, keep pushing forwards, keep living. It will burn, but use that pain to drive you forwards and show her how strong you can be.
I believe in you. Stay strong & stay safe.
I don't know. My emotion is going rampant. One moment I'm sad, the next i'm angry, then grief, sometimes just nothing. The nothing is the worst. Like it suck everything near it into a black hole. Every time that happen I just want to tear apart my chest and rip that out. To make things worse I still need to put on a normal mask when I'm in front of my family. My father is the head of the whole family tree. I'm his eldest son. I can't appear weak.
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