I go through periods of thinking there really is no hope only existing. But it's been almost two years now since anyone has passed away. Lost 5 family members in 2.5 years and watching the failing health of another while sometimes I feel like I'm standing on the side lines of watching the rest of other family members cope. Thanksgiving was tough, got through the day okay, but the time after seems harder. Tired of feeling crappy, lost it today with a family member, they said something insensitive and I lost it. I do this around holidays and anniversary dates............rage. I know I am feeling down and I try to be gentle with myself but then I find myself in this unreasonable state and then I just want to keep fighting. I know its wrong, I am tired. Started this thread with and the idea of hope, because I know where my thoughts and emotions go when I get to this point. I turn in on myself, I dont know how to get through some of these periods. I don't want to fall into despair.