How’s Your Therapy Going?

[dandelions]

I actually prefer the term client over patient. I am - if paying (or not) essentially buying a service. Therefore the health care provider is accountable to me.

hmm, an interesting way of looking at it. I always approach the relationship as the therapist being the employee of the patient. maybe that means throwing out both words might be a good idea. I just feel that using the term client makes it appear too much like the individual seeking help is just buying something by desire and not need. I think i need to give this some more thought. I'm glad you raised that point. hmm...

 

[Winslow]

I actually prefer the term client over patient. I am - if paying (or not) essentially buying a service. Therefore the health care provider is accountable to me.

Same as you, I prefer the term "client" too.
Anyway, to answer Eto's question, my therapy is going good, real good. After all, my therapist prevented my suicide, and that alone should tell you a lot. It's too bad that so many of the posters on this forum don't get a therapist, when it will do a world of good for them.

 

[dandelions]

ah here are a couple thoughts. if it is only a case of words then maybe it doesn't matter. then again, maybe what you @Innocent Forever & @Winslow see in client is what I see in patient. maybe then using either is suitable.

I do remember a few years back with a former therapist, that when she used the word client I was severely upset because I felt that word was belittling my reasons for being in therapy. as I saw it, this was not a matter of getting over a little difficulty where I chose to see a therapust but as a life or death situation where therapy was essential. at the same time, I was still able to see her as my employee and that if I felt if she was not doing her job, I could fire her. whatever the word, the important thing is that it should be clear what the relationship is. those two words indicate that in a certain ways for me but it's clearly different for you.

anyway, I still think there needs to be mindset changes when it comes to care to assure that the most proactive work is getting done.

 

[Astrid78]

I've written all about my struggles in obtaining a therapist in my diary thread, so I'll just say I am done. giving up on it all. I am too poor to afford a decent therapist, good luck finding that in the small, rural town I live in. At this point its sell my home, leave my kids, to move to a bigger town 3hrs away at best just for the health care, or kill myself. Currently I am looking at the second option.

 

[Astrid78]

anyway, I still think there needs to be mindset changes when it comes to care to assure that the most proactive work is getting done

It will never happen, there is too much money involved for the powers that be to want to change things, and the masses don't give a shit about all those violent, crazy people that blow everyone up. (i am being sarcastic)

 

[Livelife]

I've written all about my struggles in obtaining a therapist in my diary thread, so I'll just say I am done. giving up on it all. I am too poor to afford a decent therapist, good luck finding that in the small, rural town I live in. At this point its sell my home, leave my kids, to move to a bigger town 3hrs away at best just for the health care, or kill myself. Currently I am looking at the second option.

I hear you and agree with the finding care. Rates in this big city are crazy....The therapists, not even talking of their abilities and quality, that are just licensed, not MD's, are now charging $150-$200 for 45 or 50 minutes. That's a bucket load of money annually. So no therapy. It doesn't mean you have to give up on yourself.

 

[cymbele]

Coming late to the party here.

I had one for almost 10 years who helped me through divorce and getting social and through lots of Job layoffs. I realized at the end I was using her as a paid friend and gradually broke away. three years ago I found a new one, closer in distance (5miles v 35 in tough traffic) and while she was more a talking friend who helped me in confidence deal with some issues like the impending gastric surgery I eventually dropped and helped with issues that I had because of the divorce and aftermath. But she quit because her brother died (of natural causes) and wanted to spend her remaining days not working.

Fast forward to this year. I have a new one, mostly because therapists are rare and I will be dealing with the big change of retirement soon. Actually I wasn't dealing well with the stress of my new job and the psychiatrist who caught me on a bad day recommended the practice. But this new one is used to treating an alcoholic or drug addiction and constantly asks if there is a problem she can help me solve. I have problems, yes, but I need someone to talk through minor issues and get out of my head. She has helped of course by getting me to start a journal. But I don't think it is worth the time and money.

I canceled last Tuesday's appointment due to the cat being sick. Sounds stupid but it was the only appointment I could get for the cat and I was worried. I was hoping that I could disappear from this therapist by not rescheduling. But she called and said I still had my upcoming scheduled appointment this coming week. Now i need advice on how to quit gracefully but maintain some relationship for the impending retirement which I am really worried about.

So, some advice wanted. Maybe in the wrong forum so if it is, please let me know.

 

[Astrid78]

It doesn't mean you have to give up on yourself.

why not? everyone else has

 

[Livelife]

why not? everyone else has

I have no idea irl but I'm thinking your children don't feel that way. And I'm giving us both a pep talk. Sending hugs.
Janis

 

[Astrid78]

Coming late to the party here.

I had one for almost 10 years who helped me through divorce and getting social and through lots of Job layoffs. I realized at the end I was using her as a paid friend and gradually broke away. three years ago I found a new one, closer in distance (5miles v 35 in tough traffic) and while she was more a talking friend who helped me in confidence deal with some issues like the impending gastric surgery I eventually dropped and helped with issues that I had because of the divorce and aftermath. But she quit because her brother died (of natural causes) and wanted to spend her remaining days not working.

Fast forward to this year. I have a new one, mostly because therapists are rare and I will be dealing with the big change of retirement soon. Actually I wasn't dealing well with the stress of my new job and the psychiatrist who caught me on a bad day recommended the practice. But this new one is used to treating an alcoholic or drug addiction and constantly asks if there is a problem she can help me solve. I have problems, yes, but I need someone to talk through minor issues and get out of my head. She has helped of course by getting me to start a journal. But I don't think it is worth the time and money.

I canceled last Tuesday's appointment due to the cat being sick. Sounds stupid but it was the only appointment I could get for the cat and I was worried. I was hoping that I could disappear from this therapist by not rescheduling. But she called and said I still had my upcoming scheduled appointment this coming week. Now i need advice on how to quit gracefully but maintain some relationship for the impending retirement which I am really worried about.

So, some advice wanted. Maybe in the wrong forum so if it is, please let me know.

not sure where you live or if this would even be an option, but in the US its not a problem to ask for another therapist. Therapists understand that not everyone is going to develop a good rapport, chances are your therapist also feels this. I'd encourage you to tell your therapist how you feel, ask if they could recommend someone. I have done this before and was a very smooth transition the therapist was very understanding.
Hope this helps in some way, and you can get all you need from therapy.

 

[seabird]

why not? everyone else has

Because you're alive @Astrid & a wonderful person.
Who is everyone? I'm sorry they haven't supported you.
We won't give up on you.

 

[Witty_Sarcasm]

My therapist cut me off from therapy back in February because she thought there wasn't much else she could do to help me. Now I was recommended to go back into therapy, so I hope it can help me more.

 

[dandelions]

this thread is fine for your comments @cymbele it all has to do with how your therapy is going.

I was using her as a paid friend

it's funny you should say this. I was telling someone that as far as therapy goes, I think therapy with my therapist is severely lacking. but i like my therapist and i think i keep going because she is like a friend. a paid friend. i think having a friend is a good thing. i don't think it keeps me from finding others but she is someone i can count on for that needed conversation and we still do talk about the things i need to talk about. in fact, i wish i had "real" friends who i could be that honest with. so my therapy friendship works for me and in a small way makes me feel better. i don't know if you'd feel the same way, but it could gradually grow on you. 👽
hoping your cat is doing ok...

 

[dandelions]

@Astrid78 , i think there is a mindset issue with therapists. i have heard a couple express in what i took to be a defiant way, that they do not accept insurance because it some how helps with therapy. i personally think that is bs and they know it. they are just assuring themselves an easy time of it and assuring they get paid upfront. they don't want to fill out a few forms.

it is ok to want to be paid upfront, but then they need to be up front with the therapy too but too often as already mentioned here, they are not. these are people who are in it only for the money. there should be real licenses for this career. people who genuinely care. therapy is not a 45 minute job and then see you again next week. it actually is a 24/7 thing and the healthcare "community" for all healthcare as well as for issues of the mind, needs to wake up and get the real thing going. i know it seems impossible for obvious reasons but maybe because i am delusional, i still believe that real therapy and healthcare is possible. but do consider that i may actually not be delusional!!!!!
👽

 

[dandelions]

why not? everyone else has

but i may be distant and seemingly so detached, but i have not given up on you - even if all i can do is comment here, i hope that in some way, i can be encouraging.

 

[dandelions]

I have no idea irl but I'm thinking your children don't feel that way. And I'm giving us both a pep talk. Sending hugs.
Janis

yes and yes. and hoping its ok to share in this pep talk. 👽

 

[dandelions]

not sure where you live or if this would even be an option, but in the US its not a problem to ask for another therapist. Therapists understand that not everyone is going to develop a good rapport, chances are your therapist also feels this. I'd encourage you to tell your therapist how you feel, ask if they could recommend someone. I have done this before and was a very smooth transition the therapist was very understanding.
Hope this helps in some way, and you can get all you need from therapy.

and @cymbele , i just a few weeks ago told my therapist i wanted to find a new therapist who is specifically involved with issues i am dealing with now. she was supportive in this and i am still seeing her btw and also incidentally can't find that new specialized therapist. she also was supportive when i decided i needed to get back into the intensive program. so i did that for a year and then went back to her. like i said, she is a friend and i value that even if the therapy does not provide what we all suppose it should. friendship is valuable too and if lacking, this kind of relationship is still just as important. i think therapy can take many forms.
👽

 

[dandelions]

Because you're alive @Astrid & a wonderful person.
Who is everyone? I'm sorry they haven't supported you.
We won't give up on you.

👍

 

[Waves]

Therapist is a paid friend? If they ask you about your day, listen to you and give sine suggestions to consider then that in my humble opinion is what a friend does. If they use a manual used set of tasks and exercises and homework and collect data then that is therapy. What does your therapist do?

 

[dandelions]

Therapist is a paid friend? If they ask you about your day, listen to you and give sine suggestions to consider then that in my humble opinion is what a friend does. If they use a manual used set of tasks and exercises and homework and collect data then that is therapy. What does your therapist do?

it doesn't really matter what a friend does or what a therapist does. i firmly believe that i've reached the 10% degree in terms of friendship and maybe about the same in therapy. i don't know that i've had satisfactory of either/both in the past. it is only recently that i'm begining to learn how to experience either/both. if i can find a bit of either in both - which i believe i have - l like it.

friends i have now, a couple, are just people with whom i feel share the same wavelength(s) and i enjoy their company. they don't hinder me. they seem concerned about me. we get along, they are different and similar. they listen'accept my advice or similar concern. we laugh together. that is friendship to me.

therapists - my present one i feel is a paid friend. she cares about me, she often seems to be on a similar wavelength. she finds important information for me to aid in my "healing". she shows concern. we laugh together. she often refers me to what is accepted in the area of therapy as helpful things. she tries it keep me grounded by having positive things to do so i'm not wallowing. she is helpful but i am dealing with certain issues and it was not until i got quite specific about those issues not really being addressed that she seemed to pay more attention to them. she was quite ok with me trying to find a more specialized therapist and still has those friendly qualities. these qualities result in our talking in a casual way about things like current events or attitudes or favorite beverages. some won't call that therapy at all and will say get a new therapist, but i like her. even if i find a "more suited" therapist i'll continue to see her when possible/return to her eventually. to me this is therapy and also paid friendship. maybe she'd be happy being a real friend . unfortunately this would move into the area of ethics blah that works me up so i'm not touching that now. i hope this clarifies things. i'm not expecting this to work for everyone btw.