How’s Your Therapy Going?

[Pebble mouse]

I'm about to (re)start therapy in a month or two, hopefully. I'm getting a referral from my GP on Wednesday then will ring to try and make an appointment. I feel conflicted about the whole thing. On the one hand, I do believe it will help me, but at the same time I dread going over things from the past that I just want to push away.

I will see how I go.

 

[Astrid78]

except for the idea that trauma can be resolved.

yes, I agree with this but do think that a level of acceptance and healing can be acheived? idk maybe not, but I don't think it ever really goes away and the effects of it last a lifetime.

 

[Astrid78]

Its been a few months now since I started with this new place and therapy is going great! it always feels like I am being listened to and taken seriously. Its very goal orriented as well, therapist has given me lots of great advice on how to get back on track, my brain is a tangled mess of thoughts, music and imagery, therapist gets this very well as he has it too so what he says makes perfect sense.

 

[Pearl12]

Everything you say makes a lot of sense to me, except for the idea that trauma can be resolved. I’m not so sure it can be, though that might be part of the problem.

My experience and the experience that a few others who have been successful in therapy have relayed to me is that it's okay to not believe that; often, a good therapist will hold that belief for you until you are ready for it.

Though sometimes I oscillate on whether I believe it, unless there are only shit therapists in your town, it seems worth it to me to try, when I have the energy.

 

[Gonz]

My experience and the experience that a few others who have been successful in therapy have relayed to me is that it's okay to not believe that; often, a good therapist will hold that belief for you until you are ready for it.

Though sometimes I oscillate on whether I believe it, unless there are only shit therapists in your town, it seems worth it to me to try, when I have the energy.

I really hope that’s the case, otherwise this whole therapy thing is dredging up a lot of stuff that would be better left alone.

 

[Innocent Forever]

Everything you say makes a lot of sense to me, except for the idea that trauma can be resolved. I’m not so sure it can be, though that might be part of the problem.

https://www.instagram.com/reel/CgbtXOqDnGN/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

 

[Innocent Forever]

a good therapist will hold that belief for you until you are ready for it.

This is really powerful. When someone can hold the belief for you

 

[Pearl12]

https://www.instagram.com/reel/CgbtXOqDnGN/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

The trauma a person has been through doesn't disappear. It becomes a part of them.

When trauma happens it will completely envelope the person. And if a person has experienced developmental trauma, their trauma will be all that there is.

They can grow around the trauma. They can and will become more than their trauma. But that's not one two three. That's not a quick step.

Yes. You are not defined by your trauma. You are worth and will be more than your trauma. AND there may be times that trauma is bigger than you.

That's an interesting viewpoint. I agree with much of it. But I don't think trauma "envelopes" us. I do think it controls us. That's what trauma is—something happening to us, that we don't want, that is beyond our control. I also don't think developmental trauma "will be all that there is." It might seem that way. But moving on from trauma, resolving trauma, means you no longer live as if it's happening now. There will be other things too.

There are various memories from my past I can think of, and when I do, I know they are in the past. I am not activated by them. They do not take over my present. Unresolved past trauma intrudes on the present. You resolve trauma by regaining your agency over it, so you are not activated by it. Yes, it's still a part of you. Yes, it still happened to you. But it's not "all there is."

 

[Innocent Forever]

That's an interesting viewpoint. I agree with much of it. But I don't think trauma "envelopes" us. I do think it controls us. That's what trauma is—something happening to us, that we don't want, that is beyond our control. I also don't think developmental trauma "will be all that there is." It might seem that way. But moving on from trauma, resolving trauma, means you no longer live as if it's happening now. There will be other things too.

There are various memories from my past I can think of, and when I do, I know they are in the past. I am not activated by them. They do not take over my present. Unresolved past trauma intrudes on the present. You resolve trauma by regaining your agency over it, so you are not activated by it. Yes, it's still a part of you. Yes, it still happened to you. But it's not "all there is."

I agree

"They can grow around the trauma. They can and will become more than their trauma. But that's not one two three. That's not a quick step."

You word things really well

 

[Astrid78]

still going well and I'm getting a lot out of it, moslty in the way of encouragement and staying on track. The dr missed the last apt and I was supposed to get meds refilled, while there is a form to do this, I choose not too, it was for a antidepressant that didn't affect me one bit, may as well give me a sugar pill. Even though its highly unlikely I'm still a little afraid the cops will come...I've been petioned for less in the past lol

 

[Pearl12]

still going well and I'm getting a lot out of it, moslty in the way of encouragement and staying on track. The dr missed the last apt and I was supposed to get meds refilled, while there is a form to do this, I choose not too, it was for a antidepressant that didn't affect me one bit, may as well give me a sugar pill. Even though its highly unlikely I'm still a little afraid the cops will come...I've been petioned for less in the past lol

...you're worried about getting arrested for not refilling your meds? Or you're worried your dr. will have the police do a wellness check?

 

[Astrid78]

...you're worried about getting arrested for not refilling your meds? Or you're worried your dr. will have the police do a wellness check?

I'm worried about ending up in hospital against my will.

 

[Sunspots]

My therapist says she can't read me. I'm closed off, hold back. I tell her things that I've not told anyone before but she says that I hold the emotion in. I laugh about stuff or just nod when she tries to probe deeper.

It's not that I don't feel safe enough with her, I do. But I've spent over 40 years holding it in and telling myself that my feelings around things are pathetic, I'm overreacting. I tell her about these things factually and without emotion because I don't know any other way without sounding stupid and whiney. She tells me that these things are not petty, that they're abuse and how I'd be horrified if they'd happened to anyone else.

But how do I let the feelings out if I don't even know what they are? I feel like I've hit a wall and I can't go forward with therapy until I've knocked it down but I don't have the tools to do that.

 

[Innocent Forever]

I'm just so tired. And sad. Therapy today was just gah. 'If you don't speak within the next 30 seconds that's it for today'. She totally failed today. Instead of helping me scale it back, just waiting for me to speak.
And she's the person who said she thinks I've asd. (I will get an assessment. Just need to decide if I do or don't want a diagnosis first cuz depends on that how I am). One of the asd like things I do is find it hard to speak when overwhelmed. It's across the board in life and not something that bothers me.

Next 2 Mondays are Bank Holidays so.... Good in a sense.

 

[Innocent Forever]

My therapist says she can't read me. I'm closed off, hold back. I tell her things that I've not told anyone before but she says that I hold the emotion in. I laugh about stuff or just nod when she tries to probe deeper.

It's not that I don't feel safe enough with her, I do. But I've spent over 40 years holding it in and telling myself that my feelings around things are pathetic, I'm overreacting. I tell her about these things factually and without emotion because I don't know any other way without sounding stupid and whiney. She tells me that these things are not petty, that they're abuse and how I'd be horrified if they'd happened to anyone else.

But how do I let the feelings out if I don't even know what they are? I feel like I've hit a wall and I can't go forward with therapy until I've knocked it down but I don't have the tools to do that.

She doesn't need to read you yet. You've worded it really well. It's her job to help you breach the wall - to help you find the internal safety so that you dint need the protection of that wall.

 

[Baywasp]

My therapist had to cancel this past week due to her schedule. I canceled this coming week because I was supposed to be going over/signing a lease with my landlord for my new apartment but that got canceled (hopefully just delayed at this point) but now I can’t see her next week and I’m really upset and want some support.

 

[Sunspots]

My therapist asked me at the beginning of our last session what I want from therapy. I told her that I want to wake up in the morning and for my first thought not to be about suicide.
But at the end she asked me to think about what I wanted from therapy so I guess my previous answer wasn't what she was wanting. But that's it. That's what I want.

Maybe she wants more specific things, smaller steps. I just don't know what they are. All I can see is the end goal and I don't know where to start with the space in-between.

 

[Innocent Forever]

My therapist asked me at the beginning of our last session what I want from therapy. I told her that I want to wake up in the morning and for my first thought not to be about suicide.
But at the end she asked me to think about what I wanted from therapy so I guess my previous answer wasn't what she was wanting. But that's it. That's what I want.

Maybe she wants more specific things, smaller steps. I just don't know what they are. All I can see is the end goal and I don't know where to start with the space in-between.

I think that's actually quite a good goal. Could you ask her to help you break that down into more specific achievable steps?

 

[Pebble mouse]

I saw my new psychologist today and it seemed to go well. I have another appointment for next week.

I got through my appointment without getting very distressed, thankfully.

 

[dandelions]

hi...
I've been working with a new therapist for about 2 months. she's friendly and nice so that is good. she is employed at a place that is specifically for the lgbtq+ community and I'm addressed according to my own perception of me (name/pronouns).

btw it was just yesterday that I revealed my trans status here on SF. being trans, all by itself quite honestly has been / is being a life saving thing for me. I do mean that quite literally. but this step I believe came about completely outside of the therapy process. I do need this therapy now and the understanding and acceptance it provides. but I'm concerned that it may not be open to my Dissociative Identity matters which I have never been diagnosed with though I firmly believe is what has been the true state of me (and not all the ten or so DSM diagnoses I've gotten over the past 10 years and which don't address my persecutory alter hijacker or my other alters. I know they exist and I know DSM and the healthcare community are not very accepting.

I keep feeling invalidated by this non acceptance and an apparent reluctance to even talk about it. this is every bit as important to me as being trans and let's not forget about my spirituality. all of this is essential to me yet I'm always finding myself being led to talking about other things like how suicidal I supposedly am, and only the steps the professionals think i need to take - which is all well and good, but it is so frustrating that unless I keep bringing up the Alters, and all the aspects, and how my spirituality play in, it seems simply to be dismissed.

What, do they think I'm lying?????

how would that benefit me? there are no effective meds for this and they suggest even therapy has minimal effect, but they constantly obsess over what they perceive as my self harm and suicide risk without acknowledgeing that it has been my lifelong dissociation that makes such intent seem apparent. it is actually disheartening to have what is important to me ignored. and now that I've brought up being trans they're all big on the pronoun stuff but still it seems superficial.

ok, I realize these people are professionals, but I think the help really does consciously ignore valid points that are so important to me. there is much more I could explain here now, but my main point right now is that I'm beginning to fear that it is the same with this new therapist.

I can hear anyone reading this now and wanting to tell me... "hey, listen to the professionals". I do understand this, but shouldn't a patient feel as if being taken seriously? I actually have made great steps forward and they do make note of that yet they still belittle much of how I perceive things. I do believe that in my situation, they are in error. and they still do obsesse about the perceived suicidality. so not continuing with therapy is still on the table.