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How Are You Feeling Right Now?

MisterBGone

~\_βœ…`,')
SF Supporter
i'm old. Almost 56. I'm not looking for any other man, but i'm also a monogomous person. I dont believe it's right to sleep with someone who is also sleeping with someone else. I guess with all the texts when I was living there, and getting to know him, understanding him is what it is. She isn't affectionate or intimate with him. If he was also 'doing' her I wouldn't want him. This is something I will ask him again about though. I believe he was honest when he said we just sit and watch movies. There's no passion. ONly a quick peck good bye, I saw him say I love you to her and she roared off down the road, not even saying that back to him. I do think he'll marry her. I'm sorry this is like cheating. I'm good either way, but yes I'd like him to be mine. He isn't. It's ok. I just enjoy him if/when we can get together. He knows how to light my fire so to speak. Thanks @MisterBGone
So why does he want to be w/her then? Do you know @toomuchreality ! Is it for the role of "Wife," minus the intimacy. Of any kind? Why can't they then be the friends, and you the lover. . . I guess, I'm just confused, but as always; I'm sure it's a lot more 'nuanced,' than that (it always is). There could maybe even not be so hot or reasonable & explainable / explanation for WHY - it is - he wants Her, to be his 'wife?' Just Because... That's what he's always had in his head, and / or he's not being honest about some of the other things. Or he wants you to be the GF/or the Mistress, perhaps? If she's jealous & reacting in that bad of a fashion: then that suggests all is not kosher as it seems, or may be seems - to him, & in... his head? Very delicate & complicated situation you've found yourself in & what I might do, if I felt it was worth the risk: wouldn't harm the friendship irrevocably & so on. . . is to present him with - not necessarily an "ultimatum," per se~ but more of a ... this is how it is/or this is how it would have to be; in order for us to be in a committed & exclusive relationship that is romantically inclined or oriented. As opposed to the more casual, friends who snuggle, on occasion - or when, "the moment of inspiration," arises. Which, if every-thing he says is true. And there truly are not any others. You would tend to happen more frequently than not. But not necessarily, I suppose (either). In any event, or case, decide or make up in your own mind what you'd like first. Perhaps it is best to just... 'Not rock the boat,' keep things afloat. And then remain perennially unhappy. Or, I dunno! I really, really don't. Only you can decide how much one thing means in comparison, or versus the other. For instance, if you go all-in, and lay it out flat, or state that you really do want to be in a relationship with him. But only on condition that he leaves his current, under the current terms. At least that way, then, you would know, and see, "quite-clearly" or so it would seem (to me)--just where it is you stand. If he picks her, over you, even sans romance, or physical and all other forms of intimacy. Which, maybe he's the sort that doesn't desire & crave those others, at least not to the certain degree that you place emphasis on, or to? That's always a possibility too, or as are, there a million other(s) - I suppose! ;D Good luck, with what ever you decide, and I hope it turns out the way you want it to. : ) Peace & I hope I haven't said any-thing too inflammatory; for if I have, all you have to do, is to: 'consider the source,' & that being of one, or me. A ZERO. or In-Complete, at best~!* HA ;) :D Later.
 

1964dodge

Has a monkey as a friend
Safety & Support
SF Supporter
a little under the weather because this stupid bug we caught a couple of weeks ago, gets better then not then better etc. etc. lol. but otherwise doing great. it's 1 pm and my wife is still sleeping which is the best for her right now. i got her to go out with our son and grandson yesterday which did lift her spirits and of course exhausted her. i'm her husband, her lover, and her best friend. i'm supposed to fix anything, anything but a broken heart.

mike
 

TragicReality

I wish I could turn back time
SF Supporter
So why does he want to be w/her then? Do you know @toomuchreality ! Is it for the role of "Wife," minus the intimacy. Of any kind? Why can't they then be the friends, and you the lover. . . I guess, I'm just confused, but as always; I'm sure it's a lot more 'nuanced,' than that (it always is). There could maybe even not be so hot or reasonable & explainable / explanation for WHY - it is - he wants Her, to be his 'wife?' Just Because... That's what he's always had in his head, and / or he's not being honest about some of the other things. Or he wants you to be the GF/or the Mistress, perhaps? If she's jealous & reacting in that bad of a fashion: then that suggests all is not kosher as it seems, or may be seems - to him, & in... his head? Very delicate & complicated situation you've found yourself in & what I might do, if I felt it was worth the risk: wouldn't harm the friendship irrevocably & so on. . . is to present him with - not necessarily an "ultimatum," per se~ but more of a ... this is how it is/or this is how it would have to be; in order for us to be in a committed & exclusive relationship that is romantically inclined or oriented. As opposed to the more casual, friends who snuggle, on occasion - or when, "the moment of inspiration," arises. Which, if every-thing he says is true. And there truly are not any others. You would tend to happen more frequently than not. But not necessarily, I suppose (either). In any event, or case, decide or make up in your own mind what you'd like first. Perhaps it is best to just... 'Not rock the boat,' keep things afloat. And then remain perennially unhappy. Or, I dunno! I really, really don't. Only you can decide how much one thing means in comparison, or versus the other. For instance, if you go all-in, and lay it out flat, or state that you really do want to be in a relationship with him. But only on condition that he leaves his current, under the current terms. At least that way, then, you would know, and see, "quite-clearly" or so it would seem (to me)--just where it is you stand. If he picks her, over you, even sans romance, or physical and all other forms of intimacy. Which, maybe he's the sort that doesn't desire & crave those others, at least not to the certain degree that you place emphasis on, or to? That's always a possibility too, or as are, there a million other(s) - I suppose! ;D Good luck, with what ever you decide, and I hope it turns out the way you want it to. : ) Peace & I hope I haven't said any-thing too inflammatory; for if I have, all you have to do, is to: 'consider the source,' & that being of one, or me. A ZERO. or In-Complete, at best~!* HA ;):D Later.
He's said to me too many times, it's a relationship of convenience. I do remember he said they are like best friends. I said i want that too with him. He texted once, do you want me to break up with her? I said, yes, why would I want any less than she has. I'm not jealous, it does no good to me jealous. Love is patient kind etc. He doesn't over share with me. But when you live at the same house for a yr and a half you get enough of a look at each others lives. He says he's attracted to me and he wants passion. So do I. Buttt.. I'm thinking just say out loud next time I see him, if you're not going to give me more than a little attention, then that means I'm a ''convenience'' too, and I'm not going to be there for him just to hug kiss, and more. Thanks... you are not at all a zero. You are kind and thoughtful!
 

zuzu

Well-Known Member
So sorry to hear that life is so hard for you. Calling yourself a monster seems a bit harsh. I’m not sure how you have come to that conclusion. We all have things we are not proud of, but what makes you a monster?
The only thing I can do I lost interest in anything, what's the point no friends, no signs that I will work again I almost on my 60s and I lost interest in life, Instead of having a nice birthday cake with all friends that I wish to have, since I will be on my own, the only thing that I am preparing is my death. I will spend thousands of dollars in food and outfits and then I will destroy everything. < mod edit - methods > and lock the door but before that I will create a video and send to everyone that I have on whatsApp to enjoy and then block their numbers so I will scare them. No doubt that I am severely mentally ill. I hate people who have friends who has a home. a job and me I have nothing. and unfortunately I do not have the guts to do evil. I am extremely violent against myself I spend my time < mod edit - methods > I hate myself a lot I wish I can release the anger, rage and hatred and bitterness inside me. Definitly there is something wrong with me nobody can see the good in me only my defects. I hate to be alone, but I am scared to go to a -place where I do not know anybody on my own. I wanted a < mod edit > but the canadian government delay for 3 more years, Something else taken away from me. I was ready to start open up when I file my application for < mod edit >. When I die my ashes will be flushed through the toilet and my belongings burn. Always I signed the card to donate my organs after my death, but not this time. I will not want to live like that I need love and support, I have not receive a hug or a kiss in 5 years, and the self destruction will not stop , < mod it - method > so I can die soon. I hope you understand my pain and help me die.
 
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zuzu

Well-Known Member
Hi @zuzu

I'm sorry you feel that way
I'm glad that you're here
We're a safe place,
we're a supportive and caring community

Welcome!

Thanks for welcoming mem but there is no hope for me, It has been over 4 years and I am tired to be alone, to be judged, nobody can understand my pain. The only solution is to die, I am almost 60 years old, if I do not have the life I work for, there is nothing for me in this earth. I will never find someone who love me, have a decent income. The self destruction is non stop and it will continue until my demands are met. I do not mind be locked in a mental hospital but properly, have to be kept in heave strait jacket and chained, be subjected to high voltage ECT without anesthesia, be force feed and beaten I desperately need physical pain , I deserve it because I am severley mentally ill and the best is to be on display so the world know how that I desperately need pain. I want to die desperately.
 

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