hugs @HappyKitty
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How Are You Feeling Right Now?
- Thread starter UNREGISTERED0000
- Start date
I feel like my life was a waste. I held on to this fantasy that if I devoted myself to my kids, they would appreciate it. But my God I was wrong. I feel abandoned by them, except for my youngest...who depends on me for so much.
I finally told my oldest daughter last weekend that I was feeling incredibly lonely and her response was...me too, I'm going to play a game on my phone and go to sleep. I just told her I loved her and left it at that.
I don't know what to do with these incredibly difficult feelings. I feel like I'm not even good enough for my kids. I try and msg and set up video chats with my granddaughters but nobody ever responds until days later and then I get told they're really busy. I feel like I don't matter. I feel like I did something wrong and none of my kids want anything to do with me.
This is the worst I've felt in a very long time. I'm crying in the dark as I watch a movie with my son. I just don't understand my life at this point.
I'm afraid this will push me over the edge and impulsiveness will overcome me.
I finally told my oldest daughter last weekend that I was feeling incredibly lonely and her response was...me too, I'm going to play a game on my phone and go to sleep. I just told her I loved her and left it at that.
I don't know what to do with these incredibly difficult feelings. I feel like I'm not even good enough for my kids. I try and msg and set up video chats with my granddaughters but nobody ever responds until days later and then I get told they're really busy. I feel like I don't matter. I feel like I did something wrong and none of my kids want anything to do with me.
This is the worst I've felt in a very long time. I'm crying in the dark as I watch a movie with my son. I just don't understand my life at this point.
I'm afraid this will push me over the edge and impulsiveness will overcome me.
i hope your anxiety lessens.
I was reminded today of the great love and grace of God. One day, when I was still on methadone, I smoked weed and took a bunch of benzos, and I was to the point that I was blacking out and falling over. And yet, I still had to get home. My husband at the time didn't realize how bad I was and he walked me to the bus stop to get on the bus by myself. I had truly no idea where I was or where I was going, what stop to even get off at. My mind was completely elsewhere. But somehow, some way, I blacked out and next thing I know, I'm standing in my home. I have no idea how I got there and don't remember getting there. I don't remember getting off the bus nor walking home from the bus stop, nor opening the door to get inside. All I know is, I ended up at home. And so I'm sitting here and thinking, like, wow...He led me home. He upheld me the whole time and led me under His wing all the way home in safety. If it wasn't for God, I probably would have been laying somewhere on the street that day or taken the bus all the way to the last stop, having passed out, or who knows what else. Therefore, I said a prayer and thanked Him for his mercy (despite my having done wrong and made terrible decisions), love, and compassion. Isn't that amazing? I find it amazing that He did that for me that day because I was in so much danger with my state of mind that day. I could have been robbed, fainted, raped, or who knows what else, but yet, I was 100% safe the entire time. It goes to show that even when no one else is around to help, He is there with us and He will help.
Apprehensive
I have a meeting with my psychiatrist this morning, and I have acquiesced to her treatment plans involving medication, more than I think I need. I feel as though I'm emotionally numb, and my thoughts and reactions are blunted.
I anticipate resistance from her, though she has said that, as an autonomous adult, she can't force me to take medications if I don't want to. However, every time I bring up changes to her, she reminds me that it is common for people to feel better, then think they can do without medication.
There is a situation in my life that requires me to be emotionally and mentally alert, and I have to consider that I may be better off not making any changes. I hope that decreasing my medication may help me to feel more "normal", but there is also a chance that it may create a problem. I really don't need a mental or emotional withdrawal, then build my mental or emotional state back, in a short period of time
I'll post the results later
peace
I have a meeting with my psychiatrist this morning, and I have acquiesced to her treatment plans involving medication, more than I think I need. I feel as though I'm emotionally numb, and my thoughts and reactions are blunted.
I anticipate resistance from her, though she has said that, as an autonomous adult, she can't force me to take medications if I don't want to. However, every time I bring up changes to her, she reminds me that it is common for people to feel better, then think they can do without medication.
There is a situation in my life that requires me to be emotionally and mentally alert, and I have to consider that I may be better off not making any changes. I hope that decreasing my medication may help me to feel more "normal", but there is also a chance that it may create a problem. I really don't need a mental or emotional withdrawal, then build my mental or emotional state back, in a short period of time
I'll post the results later
peace
I feel like my life was a waste. I held on to this fantasy that if I devoted myself to my kids, they would appreciate it. But my God I was wrong. I feel abandoned by them, except for my youngest...who depends on me for so much.
I finally told my oldest daughter last weekend that I was feeling incredibly lonely and her response was...me too, I'm going to play a game on my phone and go to sleep. I just told her I loved her and left it at that.
I don't know what to do with these incredibly difficult feelings. I feel like I'm not even good enough for my kids. I try and msg and set up video chats with my granddaughters but nobody ever responds until days later and then I get told they're really busy. I feel like I don't matter. I feel like I did something wrong and none of my kids want anything to do with me.
This is the worst I've felt in a very long time. I'm crying in the dark as I watch a movie with my son. I just don't understand my life at this point.
I'm afraid this will push me over the edge and impulsiveness will overcome me.
I finally told my oldest daughter last weekend that I was feeling incredibly lonely and her response was...me too, I'm going to play a game on my phone and go to sleep. I just told her I loved her and left it at that.
I don't know what to do with these incredibly difficult feelings. I feel like I'm not even good enough for my kids. I try and msg and set up video chats with my granddaughters but nobody ever responds until days later and then I get told they're really busy. I feel like I don't matter. I feel like I did something wrong and none of my kids want anything to do with me.
This is the worst I've felt in a very long time. I'm crying in the dark as I watch a movie with my son. I just don't understand my life at this point.
I'm afraid this will push me over the edge and impulsiveness will overcome me.
an update from meeting with my psychiatrist -
She listened to my concerns, and then we talked a bit. She agreed with my thoughts about decreasing my meds, but wanted to do it more slowly than I did. I committed to following her treatment plan, though, dropping one of the anti-depressants and then meeting again in three weeks to evaluate. So, overall, not completely satisfied, but I consider it progress.
peace
She listened to my concerns, and then we talked a bit. She agreed with my thoughts about decreasing my meds, but wanted to do it more slowly than I did. I committed to following her treatment plan, though, dropping one of the anti-depressants and then meeting again in three weeks to evaluate. So, overall, not completely satisfied, but I consider it progress.
peace
I feel like my life was a waste. I held on to this fantasy that if I devoted myself to my kids, they would appreciate it. But my God I was wrong. I feel abandoned by them, except for my youngest...who depends on me for so much.
I finally told my oldest daughter last weekend that I was feeling incredibly lonely and her response was...me too, I'm going to play a game on my phone and go to sleep. I just told her I loved her and left it at that.
I don't know what to do with these incredibly difficult feelings. I feel like I'm not even good enough for my kids. I try and msg and set up video chats with my granddaughters but nobody ever responds until days later and then I get told they're really busy. I feel like I don't matter. I feel like I did something wrong and none of my kids want anything to do with me.
This is the worst I've felt in a very long time. I'm crying in the dark as I watch a movie with my son. I just don't understand my life at this point.
I'm afraid this will push me over the edge and impulsiveness will overcome me.
I finally told my oldest daughter last weekend that I was feeling incredibly lonely and her response was...me too, I'm going to play a game on my phone and go to sleep. I just told her I loved her and left it at that.
I don't know what to do with these incredibly difficult feelings. I feel like I'm not even good enough for my kids. I try and msg and set up video chats with my granddaughters but nobody ever responds until days later and then I get told they're really busy. I feel like I don't matter. I feel like I did something wrong and none of my kids want anything to do with me.
This is the worst I've felt in a very long time. I'm crying in the dark as I watch a movie with my son. I just don't understand my life at this point.
I'm afraid this will push me over the edge and impulsiveness will overcome me.