How Are You Feeling Right Now?

[AvidFan]

I was feeling anxious, but it's kind of transformed into this deep sense of loneliness. My real life social network is very small. I said I'd go and see my sister tomorrow but she brushed me off. Very few people I can connect with. I don't often feel like this so not sure if it's just due to fatigue or stress of late. 😔

 

[Windhover]

@AvidFan

and for everyone who needs or wants a hug

 

[total eclipse]

Sick drained numb light headed

 

[AvidFan]

@AvidFan

and for everyone who needs or wants a hug

Thank you @seabird you made me feel a little less alone to all!

 

[LumberJack]

I feel terrible. I want to die more than anything else in this life. I’m not rehashing the past eover and over like I was yesterday. It’s more of a physical sensation of feeling like there’s too much pressure pushing in on me, and I keep getting this collapse action with my upper body. I am sighing so much that I am worried someone might notice.

I am guessing that I need rest, because I feel like a nap would help. But I slept over 12 hours last night and I have only been awake for about 8 hours. I also have too much yet to get done today.

 

[AvidFan]

I feel terrible. I want to die more than anything else in this life. I’m not rehashing the past eover and over like I was yesterday. It’s more of a physical sensation of feeling like there’s too much pressure pushing in on me, and I keep getting this collapse action with my upper body. I am sighing so much that I am worried someone might notice.

I am guessing that I need rest, because I feel like a nap would help. But I slept over 12 hours last night and I have only been awake for about 8 hours. I also have too much yet to get done today.

Sorry you are going through this at the moment. Maybe you do still need rest, you've been through a lot this week. Hoping you can get a nap and feel that pressure ease sooner rather than later.

 

[Aurelia]

In my case they actively went out of their way to make my condition worse. Imagine going to the ER in pain with a broken leg. Then the staff withhold treatment and pain relief just because they don’t like that you are behaving as someone in pain would be expected to act. Then they chastise you for not being safer and give you a pamphlet on preventing injury instead of any form of first aid.

The psychiatric equivalent of every detail of that thought experiment happened to me during my stay. Then there was the neglect of basic hygiene, and the ward had such poor ventilation that when it got cold outside, it got cold inside. Not just uncomfortable, but dangerous levels of cold where they had to put blankets in the dryer for warmth.

I’m never going to seek any form of treatment next time I’m in crisis. It’s mandated for therapists to report me to the police if I express a plan to harm myself. The police will then have me dumped into the nearest psych ward, where I will be charged thousands of dollars in copays just to be left to rot in a filthy room.

I am sure it is worse for some people. I imagine that incarcerated people have it even worse. But it occurs to me that if I am comparing something that costs $2.5k per night before any provider bills, it is an unacceptably low bar to have to look to criminal punishment to find a place that is worse.

It was cold in our hospital too because they blast the AC all day. Granted, it's hot out, but they overdo it. People were walking around the unit hugging their blankets. We did have all the necessary hygiene supplies, but I was too depressed to use them most days. They took some of my stuff though and wouldn't give it back when I left, which I'm sure was illegal in some way, but whatever. Wasn't in the mood to deal with all that. I was just happy I was leaving. With that said, it was extremely boring. Absolutely nothing to do and only two groups per day...music and movement/stretching. Neither of which was very helpful in making most of us feel better I think.

 

[cymbele]

The family party is over. And I am itchy all over due to being in the heat most of the day with this rash. All the prednisone tablets are done. I go cold turkey now and I'm still itchy. I may call on Monday for some more help. Nay with the "may" I will be calling. Along with a bar of suspect soap, I was shown to realize that one of my meds had changed manufacturer about the same time so that may be why I'm still in agony because I don't mess with the MH meds and have kept taking them.
Sorry to be venting but the itchy rash is taken foremost in my mind.

 

[Windhover]

I can't imagine being in the heat with a rash @cymbele. Really hope that can get cleared up soon. That'd be odd if it was caused by something in the soap.

My brother used to get an itchy rash on his back, once in a while. It cleared up with an application of sulphur shampoo. Selsun blue I think. It smells rather awful, but worth it.

 

[Windhover]

like there’s too much pressure pushing in on me, and I keep getting this collapse action with my upper body.

Sending healing and a good thought for a breath of fresh energy for you @LumberJack . Also hugs if they help.

 

[Shinzon1]

defeated....seems like the more problems I solve the more arise.

Had a brainfart regarding a due date for a bill after finally resolving the logistic issues with another and now I can't seem to be able to pay online and I am worried.

 

[zuzu]

I am now at the hospital after an attempt. I feel ashamed of myself and I just wanted to punish myself. I am so tired and dizzy and I just want all this to stop.

I am in the same boat are they trying to help you. At least they should give you a reason why they want you to live? If they really want to help they have to listen to you and that your needs are being met

 

[HappyKitty]

Lost my other close aunt three days ago, still shaken yet I didnt have time to process. Attending a lot of social events is giving emotional damage lol.

1. Attending a remembrance ceremony for your aunt at her house on Sunday
2. Attending a close friend's wedding on Saturday
3. Seeing your cousin #2's new-born baby after her wedding
4. Your brother's graduation
5. Holidays coming up
6. Attending your close cousin #1's wedding on Dec 1st

 

[LumberJack]

Lost my other close aunt three days ago, still shaken yet I didnt have time to process. Attending a lot of social events is giving emotional damage lol.

1. Attending a remembrance ceremony for your aunt at her house on Sunday
2. Attending a close friend's wedding on Saturday
3. Seeing your cousin #2's new-born baby after her wedding
4. Your brother's graduation
5. Holidays coming up
6. Attending your close cousin #1's wedding on Dec 1st

Sorry for your loss. I can relate. Not so much to the wedding and newborn situations, though. That does sound like a lot to deal with. So many endings, beginnings, and relationships.

 

[LumberJack]

I feel like I'm completely out of my mind. Like is my internal narrative even consistent with reality, or is it just a fiction that I have entirely made up? What even is reality, anyway? It's dark and too hot yet too cold at the same time. I'm so scared that I might be completely deluded. I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't think it matters. What matters is that I figure out how to connect with, gosh I don't know what but it seems like there are all these humans out there who relate to one another and have a shared experience, and then there's me, who misperceives things and reacts to my own projections instead of what is happening in the present. Fuck. I'm disoriented and hurting and chaos runs through my mind like a hurricane. That's how I feel rn

 

[AvidFan]

Awake. Finally got off to sleep at some point and slept through. Feel groggy but OK I think.

 

[HappyKitty]

Sorry for your loss. I can relate. Not so much to the wedding and newborn situations, though. That does sound like a lot to deal with. So many endings, beginnings, and relationships.

its a kind where situation is isolating you. my late aunt has been giving me signal to prepare that my family is falling apart and like shes been lecturing and worrying abt me being alone cause my other close aunt is unwell (like her leg got operated) and my parents are outstationed, now I kinda get what she mean when I thought she was just being overly concerned when shes just signaling shes at her cancer end stage indirectly. ive been constantly seeking supportive individuals.

 

[MisterBGone]

Sick drained numb light headed

Hoping you can feel better soon... & get over, whatever this is? Mono/leukemia... Avian Bird flu/mad cow's disease, etc? not that I'm psychic, mind-you! ;D Let me know if you need me to wave my magic wand~ ^& as you know* _it'll be gone, just like that! ( ; j/k sorry.

 

[Lane]

Keep trying to go on even though it's hard. I have issues that I'm dealing with in love and money.

 

[Lane]

I feel like I'm completely out of my mind. Like is my internal narrative even consistent with reality, or is it just a fiction that I have entirely made up? What even is reality, anyway? It's dark and too hot yet too cold at the same time. I'm so scared that I might be completely deluded. I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't think it matters. What matters is that I figure out how to connect with, gosh I don't know what but it seems like there are all these humans out there who relate to one another and have a shared experience, and then there's me, who misperceives things and reacts to my own projections instead of what is happening in the present. Fuck. I'm disoriented and hurting and chaos runs through my mind like a hurricane. That's how I feel rn

I'm glad you're here to relate to us Lumber Jack. It seems like you feel things very deeply. I think I would too if I didn't have my medicine to level me off. I just wanted to say that you're not alone and I hope your mind relaxes a bit.