How Are You Feeling Right Now?

[AvidFan]

I have been woken by my own snoring once and I felt very chagrined to experience that my snoring even wakes me.

I can sense your frustration of not being able to sleep and I might have an idea because I didn’t sleep at all last night, and I can’t walk in a straight line today. I’m sure it’s orders of magnitude worse for you due to the duration. It feels really bad.

Sorry you didn't get any sleep last night. I hope you can catch up tonight! My dilemma is do I go to bed now and risk going to sleep and waking up at 2am, or delay and risk not getting to sleep, or just go for it and at least I'm resting.... It is pretty annoying I honestly don't know how I even basically function - but have been dangerously close to not functioning lately.

 

[Aurelia]

Good. Starting work soon. Got a better job offer. Two actually. And this is my watercolor art today:

 

[snails]

Good. Starting work soon. Got a better job offer. Two actually. And this is my watercolor art today:
View attachment 69161 View attachment 69162

Congrats on the job offers! What a champ!

 

[1964dodge]

9-10 and there is nothing I can do any longer. All is out of my hand. Enough.

i know that things are so bad right now that nothing good seems possible, but keep fighting until things get a little better

mike...

 

[1964dodge]

I'm tired of life being a huge drag. There's no joy whatsoever.

when life drags you down you have to fight to find joy. joy no matter how small will help. so buy a nice pastry or a huge jet it doesn't matter as long as it brings you joy

mike.....

 

[1964dodge]

A friend. What's one of those, lol? No I don't have anyone who would even do that for me. I don't have anyone to talk to. Whenever I tell anyone how I feel they just shrug and tell me to pull myself together. If I told my sister, she'd tell me to just stop being negative and say something like "I've always thought renting was better than buying" (as someone who gets free money to pay her rent and living costs). If I was going to use the method it would be the kindest, safest method for me. If that method wasn't around and I was imminently suicidally intent, I'd end up resorting to more primitive methods that wouldn't be as nice. I don't think I'm going to impulsively use the method, it just feels inevitable that whether it's in 6 days, 6 weeks or 6 months I am going to come to a cold, rational decision that it is the best solution to end my suffering.

you obviously know yourself better than i do but, my biggest fear is accidentally committing suicide. what i mean is something pushes me over the edge. i also have a method but need it for positive purposes. i also made a rule if i decide to die i will wait 24 hours to be sure. it has happened a few times that the waiting period saved me. you could always lock it up and give sis or someone else the key. just tell them you are trying to save money and don't want access unless it's an emergency. most suicides are due to a trigger which may get better the next day. you are a wonderful person and i want you to stay safe.

mike....

 

[snails]

you obviously know yourself better than i do but, my biggest fear is accidentally committing suicide. what i mean is something pushes me over the edge. i also have a method but need it for positive purposes. i also made a rule if i decide to die i will wait 24 hours to be sure. it has happened a few times that the waiting period saved me. you could always lock it up and give sis or someone else the key. just tell them you are trying to save money and don't want access unless it's an emergency. most suicides are due to a trigger which may get better the next day. you are a wonderful person and i want you to stay safe.

mike....

You're wonderful mike

 

[Windhover]

i want you to stay safe

You already know this, but so do I @AvidFan.

 

[1964dodge]

I have the same thoughts. Needing to talk for support but not wanting to burden anyone as everyone here is struggling in some way or another.

@mosaic hearts and @AvidFan it's true most of us are dealing with issues but we can still help. most of us truly care about other members of the SF family and the only way to win is to fight together to make things better. any time either of you want to talk or vent please feel free to use my inbox. no matter how good or bad my life is i have time for my brothers and sisters of this magnificent family

mike....

 

[1964dodge]

You're wonderful mike

thank you @snails that was very kind of you

mike....

 

[snails]

thank you @snails that was very kind of you

mike....

It's just true. Not kind. I see you being so kind to everyone despite everything going on. You're ace.

 

[1964dodge]

Remembering some heavy things lately. Wears me down a little.

 

[1964dodge]

I gave myself to the people I've known, I cared for them unconditionally and always was the first to initiate the conversation. I expected nothing in return. They all drift away at some point. Started hurting. I don't care anymore.

 

[1964dodge]

Case in point, I was due to meet a friend in late 2022. We had known each other for 3 years and met up every week including during lockdowns when allowed to meet in 2s. I was going through a lot then, financial problems, work problems, house was up for sale and things were spiralling out of control for me (why is my life like this always?) and we were supposed to meet up. First I confided how much I was struggling, he replied "May I suggest suicide". It was supposed to be a joke, going off the smiley face on it. I called him out on this and said it wasn't funny, and I just really didn't feel like meeting up that day. A week later I was feeling a little better and I reached out saying I was sorry to not meet up but I value our friendship. The message was read, but no reply. A few more days later I reached out again being very open about how much I cared about our friendship and wanted to see him again. H didn't read it because it became clear he'd blocked me. It was about that time I came to Suicide Forum because that was one of my last friends.

what he said was a terrible thing and i would call out anyone for saying that. most people that don't suffer suicidal ideation don't really understand the edge some of us live on. that comment was a joke and most people would consider it in bad taste but let it roll off them but if said to the wrong person it could actually cause a suicide. suicide or mental health are NOT a joke

mike...

 

[1964dodge]

Good. Starting work soon. Got a better job offer. Two actually. And this is my watercolor art today:
View attachment 69161 View attachment 69162

beautiful and full of cheer

mike....

p.s. can i have the mermaids number? just don't tell my wife lol

 

[1964dodge]

It's just true. Not kind. I see you being so kind to everyone despite everything going on. You're ace.

you brought a tear to my eye , thank you

mike....

 

[1964dodge]

Full of dread and doom just now.

i am there as well but i know things will work out. go back 6 months or a year and you will see how much things are better for you now because of all of your hard work. yes, life does suck, but it can be beautiful as well

mike.....

 

[snails]

i am there as well but i know things will work out. go back 6 months or a year and you will see how much things are better for you now because of all of your hard work. yes, life does suck, but it can be beautiful as well

mike.....

Beautiful indeed
So many incredible things that happen on our earth. So much humanity if you know where to look for it. It's incredibly hard to find when in the grips of depression but I still know it's there and I'm pretty sure this will lift and change

 

[1964dodge]

At least I am down off the precipice. But it's not the end of the stress or problems or feeling like shit. The way my brain is wired at the moment I am just seeing threats everywhere. There are a lot of actual stressors, two at work this week have been unbelievable, you couldn't make it up. And then all this home stuff. Am just going to try to recharge. Then plod on, accepting my life is never going to be stress free or wonderful - but hopefully it can get better than this.

you probably can't do the work yourself but look up what you need done on youtube. it may put your mind at ease or warn you not to make a mistake. youtube has everything lol

mike....

 

[1964dodge]

Apprehensive about going to bed.