How Are You Feeling Right Now?

[1Lefty]

Conflicted about my body

As far as how it functions, there's relatively little to complain about, especially for my age, and I should be grateful (I am, a little)

But I don't like my appearance, it's not just the gray hair, wrinkles, bald patches or scars
I've been short and small all my life, but it's becoming more so as I age, I've lost so much muscle tone that my skin basically hangs off my bones. When I look in a mirror, I see a body that looks more like a toy than a person, and then it doesn't bother me if something bad happens to it

peace

 

[AvidFan]

Conflicted about my body

As far as how it functions, there's relatively little to complain about, especially for my age, and I should be grateful (I am, a little)

But I don't like my appearance, it's not just the gray hair, wrinkles, bald patches or scars
I've been short and small all my life, but it's becoming more so as I age, I've lost so much muscle tone that my skin basically hangs off my bones. When I look in a mirror, I see a body that looks more like a toy than a person, and then it doesn't bother me if something bad happens to it

peace

 

[LumberJack]

I’m similar. I’ve always been smaller than average, as a kid and as an adult. It was kind of fine in my early adulthood, because I came off as younger than I was, which masked my immaturity. But as I start to wrinkle with age, it’s a liability to be under at least average height. It’s a small problem compared to my mh issues. It still bothers me, though.

 

[LumberJack]

I can’t think straight. I am trying to be productive at work, but every time I try to focus, my brain goes f- this. I keep thinking about how my job would be irrelevant if I ctb like I want to right now.

 

[1Lefty]

I can’t think straight. I am trying to be productive at work, but every time I try to focus, my brain goes f- this. I keep thinking about how my job would be irrelevant if I ctb like I want to right now.

peace

 

[PrincessPure]

I really need to get out of my slump and start working but...how...

 

[AvidFan]

Calm, for a change. I have some breathing space. My brain just cannot deal with stress at the moment so it's good that I've removed at least one big stressor for the time being. I am much better than I was this time last Friday, maybe I am turning a corner. See how the weekend turns out, at least I have the weekend now.

 

[mosaic hearts]

Guilty & ashamed for constantly whining & complaining. Especially since I'm not feeling better. I've been thinking of stepping away from SF for awhile to get my act together. I just don't like being that person who's always b*tching about something. Please forgive me for my foul language. I really don't know what else to say other than I feel so embarrassed.

 

[AvidFan]

Guilty & ashamed for constantly whining & complaining. Especially since I'm not feeling better. I've been thinking of stepping away from SF for awhile to get my act together. I just don't like being that person who's always b*tching about something. Please forgive me for my foul language. I really don't know what else to say other than I feel so embarrassed.

If it's any consolation, I probably have the trophy for whining and complaining lately - there's no need to be embarrassed, we all know to some extent what it feels like and if it helps, it's your SF as much as anyone else's to vent and externalise if need be. ❤️

Do what's right for you but try not to feel guilty and ashamed for saying how you feel.

 

[1Lefty]

Guilty & ashamed for constantly whining & complaining. Especially since I'm not feeling better. I've been thinking of stepping away from SF for awhile to get my act together. I just don't like being that person who's always b*tching about something. Please forgive me for my foul language. I really don't know what else to say other than I feel so embarrassed.

No reason to be embarrassed or ashamed, this is a safe space to be yourself and express what's going on in your life. It's a supportive community that you're welcome to be part of, no matter how you're feeling

peace

 

[AvidFan]

Disappointed. I logged into my Lotto account and it said I'd won the Euro Millions 😱

Spoiler: Winnings!

£4.40 🤪

 

[mosaic hearts]

@1Lefty & @AvidFan: thank you for your words of kindness & encouragement. I appreciate them a lot. I'm very glad to be part of the SF community. It's just that I wish things would shift for me. I'm so tired of living in this neverneverland between wanting to die because of all the pain & struggling to live. I really don't know how long I can go on like this. It's so hard to function this way: pretending to want to live like this when really you just want to end it. Very sorry, but I'm being honest here. Thank you for listening & giving me the space to be vulnerable & honest. It's saving my sanity & my life.

 

[MagickLynx]

We are here to listen if you feel like sharing.

I'm obviously mentally unstable and I attempted to reach out to services that are supposed to help but all they ever do is make me wait. One day I won't wait anymore, I will have ended my life. I've had enough of everything, I'm shocked that I managed to hang on this long. The only thing that keeps me alive is that I am a coward. I'm pathetic. I have not healed from a major trauma because I spent years minimising it, pretending it wasn't so bad, and remaining stuck in a trauma bond, which honestly, right now, makes me hate myself so much. I honestly thought I was a strong person but I wasn't. I was extremely vulnerable and allowed myself to be totally taken advantage of.

I was a complete idiot. Some people told me I'm not stupid but my actions in the past were incredibly stupid. I have to accept that.

I'd like to work on it all, but no.. I've to wait. For the millionth time.

Just.

Sick of everything. All of it.

 

[Livelife]

Guilty & ashamed for constantly whining & complaining. Especially since I'm not feeling better. I've been thinking of stepping away from SF for awhile to get my act together. I just don't like being that person who's always b*tching about something. my foul language. I really don't know what else to say other than I feel so embarrassed.

It’s not whining and complaining here. Or bit*hing. If those are reasons you are thinking about not posting in SF then I hope you might reconsider. If it’s for other reason like any interference of some kind then that’s supported for taking a break. And I wish you felt better, even a little…My apologies if I’m being too personal about what you’ve shared and hope I haven’t misinterpreted.

 

[KM76710]

Guilty & ashamed for constantly whining & complaining. Especially since I'm not feeling better. I've been thinking of stepping away from SF for awhile to get my act together. I just don't like being that person who's always b*tching about something. Please forgive me for my foul language. I really don't know what else to say other than I feel so embarrassed.

I hope you never feel guilty or ashamed. This is a good spot where you know that we are supportive and mutual support to and from is one of the things that makes this a great place. You receive support and you are also comforting to others. It does balance out in a beauty way. Nothing to be embarrassed about at all.

 

[FlamingoWrangler]

I, too, fought bad memories most of my life. It is crushing and discouraging.

What has helped me is a good therapist. Granted, a good therapist is hard to find, but worth the pursuit.

I'm not sure if you are in therapy or want to consider it, but I thought I'd share.

Bless you

thanks for your acknowledgment. i Would love to have a therapist. I dont have the money to pay for it. It seems like some online therapist services would be worth a try. Locally, there is a shortage.
thanks again.

 

[FlamingoWrangler]

@mosaic hearts - thanks for sharing your experience with switching in an understandable way. I am sorry this happens. I wish I could come reassure you and clean up the scary papers for you.
you are incredibly strong. To carry your own burdens plus staying safe from the others (17 & 11?) Is nothing short of amazing!

you are accepted & safe here. Bitch, bitch & bitch some more. That’s why we are here.

I fail at complete memories -
idk who it was- they said something like - I’m the only person on sf that’s too sad to be here.
“i am the biggest downer on a suicide forum“
thats the kind of stuff my brain says to me. 🤣

you are perfect for us.
all of us are perfect for each other.

I wish I had the energy to answer everyone. Please know that the Like I leave means I see you. And I read what you say.
I want you to keep trying. We all want to support you. As always- we are better together.

 

[LumberJack]

Guilty & ashamed for constantly whining & complaining. Especially since I'm not feeling better. I've been thinking of stepping away from SF for awhile to get my act together. I just don't like being that person who's always b*tching about something. Please forgive me for my foul language. I really don't know what else to say other than I feel so embarrassed.

I thought that I was “that person,” who is always complaining! Just kidding, but not entirely. I think I am above average in foul language ofc.

I understand that feeling because I get it too. However, that is not how I see your posts and I have read a few over time. My impression is that you are really working hard to get better and I definitely think you are being realistic, as opposed to just complaining.

I want to emphasize that you would be fine here even if you were just complaining, though, because this is a site called SF. If you can’t talk about what’s bothering you here, then where in the interwebs can you??? As long as it’s within the rules (this is a pro life site, so talking about plans etc is not allowed), then I would rather hear what your genuine experience is, and I would feel quite sad if you felt like you had to self-censor or minimize in order to meet someone else’s expectations that you get better at a certain rate. I know that other people have already said similar, but I wanted to add my voice to the sentiment that you are totally fine here and, frankly, the mods are extremely efficient at editing posts that are inappropriate, so you don’t have to worry about it unless you’re hearing from the mods every day.

 

[LumberJack]

PS- I just opened my meditation app and saw this:



Hope this gives someone a boost.

 

[Astrid78]

I'm obviously mentally unstable and I attempted to reach out to services that are supposed to help but all they ever do is make me wait. One day I won't wait anymore, I will have ended my life. I've had enough of everything, I'm shocked that I managed to hang on this long. The only thing that keeps me alive is that I am a coward. I'm pathetic. I have not healed from a major trauma because I spent years minimising it, pretending it wasn't so bad, and remaining stuck in a trauma bond, which honestly, right now, makes me hate myself so much. I honestly thought I was a strong person but I wasn't. I was extremely vulnerable and allowed myself to be totally taken advantage of.

I was a complete idiot. Some people told me I'm not stupid but my actions in the past were incredibly stupid. I have to accept that.

I'd like to work on it all, but no.. I've to wait. For the millionth time.

Just.

Sick of everything. All of it.

Hey, sorry to see things are like this for you, yet understand quite a bit. Trauma is a pain and finding help can seem like a joke sometimes. Been there, tried that, at one point I didn't think anything would help. But I've found some ways to help get through and hope you can too.
Please hang on a little longer, let us know how you are doing.