How Are You Feeling Right Now?

[Inanimate]

Unready, Ill-prepared, powerless, even, to adapt to the world, to society, and to life. It doesn’t make a difference because I never will be. It’s sink or swim. For the former, I will be ready. How can I still fear the worst when I’m already living it?

 

[AvidFan]

Lost. But kind of relieved. I just had one evening meeting in the diary today, I was going to have to go all the way to the office and back just for that, so I requested a remote option, and they opted to reschedule to next week, which suits me as it gives me a day off to try to regroup before I get through tomorrow's meetings and Friday's solid block of back to back meetings. If I can just get through this week, there should be some breathing space. If I don't start sleeping soon though....

 

[AvidFan]

Trying to stay awake, ironically, though dreading the usual pattern happening. I'm trying to stay awake so I don't nap for an hour and then ruin any chance of sleeping when I go to bed, though that's ironic, as I always wake fully up just in time for bed. I can spend all day fighting fatigue, wishing I could just sleep, and then cannot sleep all nigh. Like last night I spent 8 hours on the couch, quietly, doing vagal breathing, etc, and only got a brief sleep from 7.30am-9am somehow, but tonight trying to watch something I felt myself easily nodding off. I'm just trying to hold on until it's reasonable to go to bed, if I went now I'm worried I might go to sleep, but then wake up at 2am and be even more out of sync. Praying I can get some sleep tonight, the more pressure there is, the harder it seems to get. And then I cracked it, I slept on Saturday and was fast asleep at 8am Monday morning having gone to sleep on Sunday, but I'd had to set my alarm for a stupid early meeting. And that's the last time I remember waking up from a deep sleep. It's like my body is saying Ok, you woke me up when I was sleeping, so why should I go to sleep again...

 

[Angie]

I feel depressed and anxious, on top of everything, my car won't start. Probably just the battery, but thats not in the budget.

 

[AvidFan]

Anxious about going to bed. I know it's bad but I'm starting to associate bedtime with absolute horror. Sleeping (trying to sleep) in a different setting didn't work though, so at least I'll be comfortable in my bed.

 

[cymbele]

Anxious about going to bed. I know it's bad but I'm starting to associate bedtime with absolute horror. Sleeping (trying to sleep) in a different setting didn't work though, so at least I'll be comfortable in my bed.

When I went through my sleeping insomnia due to stress at work. I too was terrified of bedtime. People kept telling me the same things about sleep but it was because of my anxiety about work. And then I added the problem of not sleeping. Then I got laid off and while I was anxious about getting a new job I was relaxed enough to sleep. Not saying that you are anxious about work but what you wrote resonated with me. Then I got sleep apnea and went completely exhausted and couldn’t wake up. I’m interested in your sleep journey because I have been there.

 

[AvidFan]

When I went through my sleeping insomnia due to stress at work. I too was terrified of bedtime. People kept telling me the same things about sleep but it was because of my anxiety about work. And then I added the problem of not sleeping. Then I got laid off and while I was anxious about getting a new job I was relaxed enough to sleep. Not saying that you are anxious about work but what you wrote resonated with me. Then I got sleep apnea and went completely exhausted and couldn’t wake up. I’m interested in your sleep journey because I have been there.

Thank you. Yes, I do have anxiety about work and finances, I'm worried I might be burned out/exhausted, which is terrifying as if I can't work I have no financial backup and very few options. My income insurance covers MS and cancer and heart attacks, it doesn't cover CFS or anything like that... Then I worry if I don't sleep it will make it worse, so then I don't sleep and it makes it worse... And then I end up in a cycle. Some anxiety is definitely playing a role so I'm trying to work on that. Last night I lay in bed and listened to 2 relaxing talks, then listened to a guided body scan meditation for half an hour, at the end I was relaxed but still not asleep. If I play a similar guided meditation during the day, sitting upright, I will start nodding off 9 times out of 10. Just not if the aim is to nod off, clearly! I will keep posting and hopefully will have some good news about it all sooner or later. Aim is to get through today (relatively light) and tomorrow (brutal), then things ease off with the weekend and a lighter week, so I hope I can relax more and start to get more snatches of sleep at least.

 

[AmberMarie]

Despite sleeping most of the last 2 days, i am still fighting to stay awake.

 

[puffymilk]

Feeling so happy

 

[SillyOldBear]

Miserable. Body, mind and life are all a mess.

 

[AvidFan]

Tired but what's new. Finished up at work, got coughed over for 45 minutes on the bus, ran by the supermarket as I was starving and bought 2k of potatoes and some hummus for my tea (not all 2kg). Nuked 2 large taters in the microwave and served with hummus and cheese, then washed up and it's approaching 10pm already and then I'll have to go to bed and go and grind it all out again tomorrow. It's a toss up whether I'll sleep or not and almost guaranteed something's going to crack inside me if I don't sleep.

 

[LumberJack]

I’m feeling sad and I’m hurting. I’m trying to bear mind that this is a part of the human experience. I’m not exempt, especially because I have depression. I don’t want to hurt myself like usual. I’m trying to just feel, and focus on my body when I get swept up into my ruminations.

 

[Angie]

Got the car to the shop and had the battery replaced. It wasn't as painful a process as I had been thinking. (well except for the bill).

 

[KM76710]

Feeling so happy

I hope those good and pleasing feelings stay and grow for you.

 

[Windhover]

It's a little like when you're a kid, having a loose tooth; you get tired of it hanging there bleeding so you pull it out. Then, that space feels weird for a while.

 

[SillyOldBear]

Saw the optometrist today. Need a YAG already on brand new lens in left eye. Its already clouding up. Hope the process is as easy as doc says it is.

 

[KM76710]

Saw the optometrist today. Need a YAG already on brand new lens in left eye. Its already clouding up. Hope the process is as easy as doc says it is.

I hope it all goes great for you with the vision.

 

[SillyOldBear]

I hope it all goes great for you with the vision.

TY. Probably won't have the procedure for a while. Its a real busy place. Just had the lens replaced last September. Could not get a satisfactory answer as to why it clouded so soon. Was really uncomfortable after it was done so stopped the process on my right eye. Will have to have cataract surgery on that one next year. Gawd how I love getting old (NOT).

 

[LumberJack]

Got the car to the shop and had the battery replaced. It wasn't as painful a process as I had been thinking. (well except for the bill).

Relatable. I forgot to replace my tires when I should have. I thought I had my budget in check. Turns out I was just spending the money I was sposed to buy tires with. Savings are going nowhere for another month

 

[Inanimate]

Enervated. Day after day after day. I’ve no choice but to get used to having no energy to work with during the day and force myself to move about one shambling step at a time. My medication causes me to oversleep, and my unwillingness to face the day isn’t helping, but I’ve got to try. I can’t let my progress, such as it is, go to waste. This is all easy for me to say now that I have some measure of strength. I just hope I don’t change my tune when it matters yet again.