When I get down, I start ruminating, I start thinking about everything that’s been wrong with my life. It’s overwhelming, it’s breathtaking, there’s just been too much shit for someone to slog through.
I try very hard not to feel this way, I try to distract myself, but that doesn’t always work.
When Jessica was alive, all the shit was still there but it was muted (somewhat, I guess, or at least that is the best word for it). There was a feeling like at least it all lead somewhere, it sucked beyond words but I was done with it and it was time for good things to finally start happening.
Now I know better. It’s never over, and any respite you find will be too brief and end with you worse off than you started.