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How Are You Feeling Right Now?

AvidFan

Retired Cat Staff
SF Supporter
Harassed. Just a Saturday off from problems I said. Let's just have a weekend with no shit to deal with before the battle starts again. Then I find an ant on the cooker, then another. Now I've got bait traps set all over my counter top and can't clean or cook until this situation is dealt with, as I need to make them take the bait back to the nest. There's no other solution to it, the infestation is inside the house so I can't do anything to just stop them coming in. Am hoping they take the bait and it at least reduces the size of the super colony that is living under and in my house. As if I didn't have enough to deal with, with insomnia, medication withdrawal and the fucking house falling down around me, along with the financial issues that is going to cause. Have to get someone out next week. I tried last week but they ignored me. Why do I think it's not only going to cost money but also a lot of stress as well 😟
 
I am feeling like the whole world is in movement and I have stopped moving forward, and slowed down. Like I have just woken up, living in two different worlds. And another 7 years have passed by so quickly, I do not want to waste anymore time.
Kind of lonely but I feel watched.
I have managed to keep busy tho. But rested as well, as I have a cold.
Lately I have been getting distorted memories. Is that common in skitzophenia? I have only noticed this recently. I can not rely on locations in my memories at the moment.
 

LumberJack

Huggy Bear 🐻 u r warned!
SF Supporter
Right now, I feel like my thoughts are coalescing and dispersing at a faster pace than is comfortable. I’m visualizing something like a giant spider web expanding, collapsing, and then pulling together into a focused point, from which they radiate out into patterns of increasing complexity until the structural failure brings it back to a pile of information shards.

Also I can’t fix the prior sentence. I see it’s a run-on, but heck if I see where to break it out. That is, poetically, an instance of self-exemplification. I am trying to talk about my thoughts, and using those very thoughts to do so.

Please tell my family that I love them should I manage to collapse in a pile of twisted logic, never to be seen again, lol
 

Lane

SF Pro
SF Supporter
When I get down, I start ruminating, I start thinking about everything that’s been wrong with my life. It’s overwhelming, it’s breathtaking, there’s just been too much shit for someone to slog through.

I try very hard not to feel this way, I try to distract myself, but that doesn’t always work.

When Jessica was alive, all the shit was still there but it was muted (somewhat, I guess, or at least that is the best word for it). There was a feeling like at least it all lead somewhere, it sucked beyond words but I was done with it and it was time for good things to finally start happening.

Now I know better. It’s never over, and any respite you find will be too brief and end with you worse off than you started.
I hope your memories of Jessica bring you some relief Gonz. *console
 

Lane

SF Pro
SF Supporter
Trying to muster up the strength to deal with the week ahead, including work bs. my fiance said something that bothered me about my meds, he thinks it's better not to be on them and wanted me to ask my doctor what would the process be to get off of them. He can be pushy I feel and I got annoyed and told him how I felt. My body my choice, right. I've been on meds for over 20 years and quite frankly he can't focus and could probably benefit from some too. Maybe this post is TMI but I needed to vent. Thanks for listening.
 

AvidFan

Retired Cat Staff
SF Supporter
Trying to muster up the strength to deal with the week ahead, including work bs. my fiance said something that bothered me about my meds, he thinks it's better not to be on them and wanted me to ask my doctor what would the process be to get off of them. He can be pushy I feel and I got annoyed and told him how I felt. My body my choice, right. I've been on meds for over 20 years and quite frankly he can't focus and could probably benefit from some too. Maybe this post is TMI but I needed to vent. Thanks for listening.
It's never TMI as long as your comfortable with sharing! Sorry you are dealing with this conflict in the relationship.
 

AvidFan

Retired Cat Staff
SF Supporter
I am plodding. One thing at a time, but it's wearing me down. Spent all morning reading reviews and looking at websites researching roofers to try to minimise the risk of getting scammed or botched. Finally narrowed it down. Emailed the first one. "This email was undeliverable, have it back, ha ha" said my email as it bounced from a non-existent or broken address. All that effort and angst to reach the perfect anticlimax. It feels like Mission: Impossible at the moment.
 

AvidFan

Retired Cat Staff
SF Supporter
Fed up. I feel like I've got absolutely no support, I can't even pay someone to help. I'm trying my best, I've picked myself up off the floor. I've wasted half a day researching and shortlisting and then contacting roofers because I have to do something fairly urgently or my house is going to get severely damaged.

Nothing. Just a big FUCK YOU from all attempts at contact. Work is screwing me over as well.

I honestly don't know what more I can do. I wish I was dead.
 

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